Husband spying on me?

[lemurllama]

There is so much to this I barely know where to start! I will try to keep it short though...

As we got up this morning, my 7 year old (who had come into our bed in the early hours) said that the lights on her dad's side of the bed had been annoying her last night. I said it was just the red light of the phone showing it was on charge, and she replied "no, it wasn't just the red one; there was a blue light and a green light too."

Once she'd left the room, I had a look and my husband has set up a spy camera. It's poking through a tiny hole in a photo frame and is plugged in by his side of the bed so must be either permanently filming, or possibly set up to record when I enter the room.

I feel sick. He clearly doesn't trust me (not that he has any reason not to) and feels like a huge invasion of my privacy. I come out of the shower and get dressed in that room. We have had problems recently but I just can't believe he'd stoop this low.

I don't know what to do next. I've looked online and it seems he's not actually breaking any laws because it's in our own home. Why would he do this though? He must know I've seen it because it would have picked up on me looking at it (and I assume it's probably linked to his phone in some way). At the moment I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life about this, so would like some good advice from you guys whilst I consider my next steps.

Thank you.

[Noshowlomo]

Let us know what happens OP, and stay safe. So sorry this has happened to you.

[Sakurami]

Omg op that's horrendous.

[WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo]

@PlanDeRaccordement

I agree it’s not about what I would do. But the fears that if it is a spy camera that confronting him would tip him off and he could destroy the data thus escaping justice are unwarranted given technology today. He can try and destroy the data by deleting or tossing his phone in a lake or stomping the sim chip to bits, but it will do him no good.

Not if you are using a VPN

[Bemorechicken]

I'd put on gloves and take it and wrap it in plastic and put it in the boot of my car -if you don't have one -ask a friend to put it in the boot of hers. Don't wait for him to come home and get it.

[Bemorechicken]

I hope you have changed the locks and told your parents and his -that's it's over.

[Fedup21]

Well, presumably he now knows you’ve found it and will be expecting you to say something. I’d pull it all out and unplug it and put it on the bed and then ask him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing when he gets home.

[Hiddennameforever]

This is disgusting.
But I can understand why the lights would so stupidly bright as even a child noticed it.
He must be an amateur really.

[Hiddennameforever]

*i can’t

[sergeilavrov]

I hope the police are with you before he comes home. If you're worried, please call 999. If you're concerned about the likelihood of other cameras or listening devices in your home, there is a way to trace this assuming they operate on the wifi. Is the picture frame itself something he bought, or do you believe he fit the camera to it? If he fit the camera, I'd be surprised if this was the only device. Spotting items he bought around the house should be easier, if that's the case.

Essentially, we can trace surveillance devices by cross referencing devices you are aware of in your house (smart tvs, laptops etc.) to the overall list of connected or known devices. There are apps for this, and if this is something you'd like to pursue send me a DM - it is fairly straightforward. I work in CT, so have some familiarity with this topic. Don't remove the existing device altogether, as it may be that the devices are networked together to prevent detection.

[SweetBillie]

This is horrific.

[Justaboy]

Pardon me asking but is that right your husband in the same bed as his 7 year old daughter? You know you don't need to leap to all the worst of conclusions, heavily reinforced by a truly weird reading of what OP actually did type put!

Maybe ask for your posts ot be deleted. At least offer OP a sincere apology!

Yep!, sorry, a bad interpertation of the "early hours" on my part! which i took to mean around maybe 5 to 6 am if that was described as the "small hours" the early hours of the morning after midnight that would imply a different meaning..

[Crabeyes]

I hope you have changed the locks and told your parents and his -that's it's over.

Give her bleedin chance jeez!

[vjg13]

Do you think he could have put other cameras up that you haven't found?

[Lifeisconfusing]

This is absolutely disgusting you poor thing. I don’t know how he can possibly work out if this one. Prob some lame excuse that he wanted to film his sleeping habits. When he comes in I’d get his phone and jump in car and drive and get a good look at it. It’s so not normal this op I’m seething for you

[Lifeisconfusing]

Worm not work

[DogInATent]

You've mentioned that you have Alexa.

Have you tried giving Alexa camera related commands?

[lemurllama]

Update:
The police came round and stayed for almost two hours, taking statements, looking at the position of the camera and talking me through everything that would happen. I was a nervous wreck but they were absolutely brilliant.
My husband was arrested as he arrived home from work. I'm currently at my mum's house but will go home later. Not sure what I'm going to do next but I'm pretty sure it's over.
Thank you everyone who offered advice. It allowed me to consider my options and make me see things through a different lens. Thank you, thank you.

[sergeilavrov]

I'm so glad that he has been removed. I'd strongly suggest getting a solicitor who can use this time period to do some digging and get your ducks in a row on your behalf. They can help you ensure you get the funds required to care for and house your children. If you do decide to return to the house and want to ensure it's cleared, the offer to help you detect all devices up is always open, it's important you feel secure.

You should be incredibly proud of yourself for taking this step.

[Bananabread8]

I hope your OK OP. I hope he also has the decency to fully explain to you why on earth he felt the need to put cameras in your home too. Stay strong

[Time4change2018]

I'm so pleased you and the police acted so quickly and he is out of the home now.
I'd check your car and devices as well as the rest of the house for spy ware. Firstly if you haven't already change your Wi-Fi password or turn it off in the short term and use your phone data.
Take this time to get professional advice, give yourself plenty of time and don't be rushed into decision making. All the best and well done on ploughing on though it was so very difficult for you x

[barregirl1]

Lovely whatever the camera is for it is wrong.
Does he do anything else - eg check your phone / computer history search /put you down / control finances?

I’m asking because I left emotional abuse 6 years ago and for a long time hadn’t recognised what was going on.

[BumbleBeee69]

wow... Result

Stay safe OP

[CustardySergeant]

What was your husband's reaction to being arrested?

[Feralkidsatthecampsite]

Glad you are safe op.
The next few months may be tough but you can do this.
You need to be a good role model for your dd..
You would not want to see her in such a relationship I am sure.

[pointythings]

That's an excellent result, OP. Now stay strong and don't let him back in - this needs to be the end and a fresh start for you.