Husband spying on me?

[lemurllama]

There is so much to this I barely know where to start! I will try to keep it short though...

As we got up this morning, my 7 year old (who had come into our bed in the early hours) said that the lights on her dad's side of the bed had been annoying her last night. I said it was just the red light of the phone showing it was on charge, and she replied "no, it wasn't just the red one; there was a blue light and a green light too."

Once she'd left the room, I had a look and my husband has set up a spy camera. It's poking through a tiny hole in a photo frame and is plugged in by his side of the bed so must be either permanently filming, or possibly set up to record when I enter the room.

I feel sick. He clearly doesn't trust me (not that he has any reason not to) and feels like a huge invasion of my privacy. I come out of the shower and get dressed in that room. We have had problems recently but I just can't believe he'd stoop this low.

I don't know what to do next. I've looked online and it seems he's not actually breaking any laws because it's in our own home. Why would he do this though? He must know I've seen it because it would have picked up on me looking at it (and I assume it's probably linked to his phone in some way). At the moment I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life about this, so would like some good advice from you guys whilst I consider my next steps.

Thank you.

[CheetasOnFajitas]

One slightly odd thing here- why would a secret spy camera have visible lights that showed it was working? And a flex leading to a plug in the wall. If it’s been busted by a 7 year old it’s pretty crap isn’t it?

Was the photo frame a new thing recently too, or did he always have that by the bed?

[PlanDeRaccordement]

@CheetasOnFajitas

One slightly odd thing here- why would a secret spy camera have visible lights that showed it was working? And a flex leading to a plug in the wall. If it’s been busted by a 7 year old it’s pretty crap isn’t it?

Was the photo frame a new thing recently too, or did he always have that by the bed?

I agree. It doesn’t sound like a definite spy camera to me. Most spy cameras are battery operated, not plug in the wall. It could be a digital photo frame for all we know. That’s why I told OP check rest of house and to talk to her DH about it.

[Bananabread8]

Hi OP. This is totally disturbing in a few ways. I’m not surprised your taken back I think you are doing the right thing but not over rushing. Your husband will know if not now at some point that you have found the camera. I would call the police soon once you have had a good think. I would end the whole marriage it’s a step too far.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I would urge you to involve the police now in this matter. The law here is on your side because a bedroom is a place where you would expect privacy.

It is illegal to use any kind of surveillance in areas where individuals would expect privacy, such as in changing rooms, locker rooms, or toilets, unless in exceptional circumstances where there is a legal issue and this action has been approved by the police. In this case, the operator should make extra effort to ensure that individuals are aware that cameras are in use.

[TatianaBis]

@CheetasOnFajitas

One slightly odd thing here- why would a secret spy camera have visible lights that showed it was working? And a flex leading to a plug in the wall. If it’s been busted by a 7 year old it’s pretty crap isn’t it?

Was the photo frame a new thing recently too, or did he always have that by the bed?

Because the bloke who set it up is a bit thick.

[lemurllama]

I've contacted the police using an online form and am waiting for them to call me back. (I didn't want to phone them directly as the DC would hear.)

Ok I'm worried now, having read the last few posts. What if it's not a spy cam and I've just reported my own husband to the police?

[Elastins]

@lemurllama

I've contacted the police using an online form and am waiting for them to call me back. (I didn't want to phone them directly as the DC would hear.)

Ok I'm worried now, having read the last few posts. What if it's not a spy cam and I've just reported my own husband to the police?

What else would it be?!

[howfarwevecome]

You didn't have a choice.

Your child will have said something about finding it anyway, you had to get on it.

[essexmum777]

you said it was a camera op? hidden into / behind a photo frame,
if your husband is spying on you / your child then you are right to report, and if you don't feel like you can talk to your husband about this directly then how long can you go on living there? are you able to make concrete plans to leave

[CheetasOnFajitas]

Sorry I didn’t mean to minimise your concern. Just because he was crap at hiding it doesn’t mean that it was not an attempt to spy on you. Not sure what other reason there could be to put a camera in a photo frame and not tell your wife.

[WhatATimeToBeAlive]

Why aren't you also calling your husband to ask him what it is and, if it is a camera, what the hell he's doing? I would have been straight on the phone to him in the first instance.

[TatianaBis]

@WhatATimeToBeAlive

Why aren't you also calling your husband to ask him what it is and, if it is a camera, what the hell he's doing? I would have been straight on the phone to him in the first instance.

Because if she alerts him she’s onto him he will delete any footage he has.

[PlanDeRaccordement]

Because if she alerts him she’s onto him he will delete any footage he has.

Which a police IT forensic person could recover in a few minutes time. Nothing “deleted” is permanently deleted.

[Regularsizedrudy]

He could “lose” his phone though if she lets him know. The op obviously doesn’t feel comfortable confronting him and that’s what matters, it’s not about what you would do, it’s what’s right for op.

[DotForShort]

Did you actually find a camera, as it says in your OP? If so, why are you second-guessing yourself now?

Your husband filming you without your permission is absolutely horrendous. I hope the police are helpful.

[PlanDeRaccordement]

@Regularsizedrudy

He could “lose” his phone though if she lets him know. The op obviously doesn’t feel comfortable confronting him and that’s what matters, it’s not about what you would do, it’s what’s right for op.

Lol.,yes he could lose his phone but shocker everything transmitted to ad from our phones is logged and recorded by the phone service provider and internet service provider. It’s required by U.K. Snooper law that everything us recorded and saved for a minimum of a rolling 12mo period that any government agency can access on request (up to 1 yr ago, continuously updated, the rest archived and need special warrant to access).

[PlanDeRaccordement]

I agree it’s not about what I would do. But the fears that if it is a spy camera that confronting him would tip him off and he could destroy the data thus escaping justice are unwarranted given technology today. He can try and destroy the data by deleting or tossing his phone in a lake or stomping the sim chip to bits, but it will do him no good.

[lemurllama]

Yes, definitely a camera. I've taken photos and a video. I think I was second guessing myself because I was totally shocked at what I'd found, plus never having actually seen one in real life before, made me think maybe I was wrong. However, I've just been back to check and it's definitely a camera. It looks like it films videos and takes photos.

[HollowTalk]

@baroqueandblue

Without wishing to discount your feeling about why he's doing this, there is another possibility. Does he have much time at home alone when he could be having sex with someone else in your bedroom and secretly filming that for his own dubious purposes?

During lockdown?

And wouldn't he just switch it on when he needed it?

[SteelyPanther]

Has he adapted a picture frame that was already there or has he put it there ?
Do you know how long it has been there ?

[SteelyPanther]

Don’t worry, the police will just advise you of your rights.
Do you have any family that you feel you could tell ?

[hellsbellsmelons]

Jeez - this is frightening.
I think there is a way to check with devices are active in your house but I've no idea how.
Have a google!
So sorry for you loss as well.
I hope you can get an exit plan in place quickly!

[Regularsizedrudy]

@PlanDeRaccordement I’m not saying it’s not traceable. I’m saying giving him a heads up would give him an opportunity to attempt to cover his tracks. And at least make it more difficult for the police, even if there is no way to permanently delete stuff the police don’t have unlimited resources and surely it would be easier for them to catch him unawares. I don’t know what the patronising “lol” was for? Well done you know lots about technology.

[CuriousaboutSamphire]

Pardon me asking but is that right your husband in the same bed as his 7 year old daughter? You know you don't need to leap to all the worst of conclusions, heavily reinforced by a truly weird reading of what OP actually did type put!

Maybe ask for your posts ot be deleted. At least offer OP a sincere apology!

[Bananabread8]

To be honest I would remove the whole frame or camera what ever it is and take it to a friends house to save as evidence.