Husband spying on me?

[lemurllama]

There is so much to this I barely know where to start! I will try to keep it short though...

As we got up this morning, my 7 year old (who had come into our bed in the early hours) said that the lights on her dad's side of the bed had been annoying her last night. I said it was just the red light of the phone showing it was on charge, and she replied "no, it wasn't just the red one; there was a blue light and a green light too."

Once she'd left the room, I had a look and my husband has set up a spy camera. It's poking through a tiny hole in a photo frame and is plugged in by his side of the bed so must be either permanently filming, or possibly set up to record when I enter the room.

I feel sick. He clearly doesn't trust me (not that he has any reason not to) and feels like a huge invasion of my privacy. I come out of the shower and get dressed in that room. We have had problems recently but I just can't believe he'd stoop this low.

I don't know what to do next. I've looked online and it seems he's not actually breaking any laws because it's in our own home. Why would he do this though? He must know I've seen it because it would have picked up on me looking at it (and I assume it's probably linked to his phone in some way). At the moment I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life about this, so would like some good advice from you guys whilst I consider my next steps.

Thank you.

[lemurllama]

@Zaphodsotherhead I think you're right. He didn't support me at all last year when I had a miscarriage and things have slowly deteriorated since then. (Not helped by the fact that he was sending flirty messages to one of his contacts whilst I was very ill.) I'm just not interested in it any more, but he's so self-absorbed and can't see how much I've been struggling, his only belief is I must be getting something from somewhere else.

[NotMyFinestMoment]

I would actually contact the Police for advice about this. You have to be a pretty sick barstard to be filming your wife and child. It's already been stated previously but God knows what he's doing with the footage. Is he uploading it and sharing it with other people or over the net. Presumably he has been filming you both having sex. He may have footage of your child naked, etc. too. I would be careful that there is not more hidden cameras or other recording devices around the home. His camera may also have sound so be careful what you say at home. Is there any way you can access his phone or computer/tablet to see if he has any hidden apps. I'd also check his emails/online shopping and card statements as he must have an account somewhere connected with this camera and it might give you an idea of what to look for if you know what device it is (also check his online shopping to see if you can see where he purchased this). I would strike while the iron is hot because he may delete/hide everything if he knows you have spotted it. I have to be honest I would not share the same space with this man again and would actually throw him out and change the locks. Arrange for him to come back in a week to collect his stuff and then check his laptop/tablets, etc. Hopefully his Google accounts, etc. are all linked and you can access the information from any of his devices. My concern would be what is he doing with the footage and where it is being backed up to and who is it being shared with. Also check your car for a tracker and your phone for any apps which may be reporting back to him. You could ask a garage to have a quick look for the tracker. I'm sure they would probably even do it for free, but more importantly they will know where to look for a tracker.

[oakleaffy]

A friend bought a works type van that had been used by police for surveillance {years ago}
It had a camera hidden in one of the roof rack bolts and a lens fitted in another....It was extremely well hidden, and no one would have suspected it.

You need to do a sweep of your house, also for recording equipment.
Look behind bookcases, under sofas, in the carcases of furniture.

I'd also call the police. Creepy as heck.

[Cavagirl]

OP there are far wiser on this thread than me, but I have experience of these types of cameras having used a motion sensitive one to work out what creatures were running around in our loft.
As soon as anything moved it triggered the camera and the footage was immediately sent to DP's phone via an app, and we could watch in real time.
So please consider that it's highly likely he knows you know, and therefore you may not be safe when he gets home. You may need to act immediately, is there someone you & DC can stay with this evening?

[oakleaffy]

@lemurllama
Google ''How to hide spy camera'' on You Tube or online..... creepy.
This could give you ideas of where to look/what to look for.

www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=How+can+I+hide+my+spy+camera+at+home%3F&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjxh4Odj__qAhUOfMAKHVczB24Qzmd6BAgMEB0&biw=1438&bih=773#kpvalbx=_iA4oX7OYDfyBhbIPiYuIsA835

[Couchbettato]

I'd be worried he was filming you having sex. God knows how long he's been doing it.

[Feedingthebirds1]

My only reservation about involving the police - IF it has only just been installed, will he have been able to do anything that he couldn't talk his way out of?

If it's only one day, he won't have much in the way of footage and probably not had time to do anything with it.

[blackhorses]

Like everyone else I would call the police straight away, before he can come home from work. You need clear evidence of this if you are planning on seperating. Or a clear line in the sand that he can't do this if you were to decide to stay.

If you're worried about his reaction then you can always start from the point of view of "I've found a camera in the bedroom so we must have had an intruder who has tried to film our family" and let either him or the police tell you that it was him who planted it.

[RandomMess]

So he is one trying to cheat on you so he thinks you must be

[Countreauqueen]

I’d take video footage of it to keep for the future- it would be evidence of unreasonable behaviour- you may need evidence in the future - whatever you decide

[Standrewsschool]

How creepy.

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

If you have knowledge of his passwords to his amazon account you could maybe see if he has used it to purchase other devices.
Long shot but potentially could work.

[lemurllama]

He's at work so I can't check his Amazon account as it's on his phone. I've asked Alexa but all she keeps saying is 'there aren't any open orders for (husband's name)'. Does anyone know if there's a way to access previous deliveries using Alexa? I want to know if it's just the one camera or if there are any more.

[12309845653ghydrvj]

Honestly OP I think you need to act under the assumption that (a) he now knows that you know (b) this has been going on for longer than you were aware and (c) he already has footage to share/may have already shared. Better to overprotect.
If I were you, I would: 1. Call police right now, unplug internet but don’t touch camera 2. Call a company to come change your locks within the next 2 hours 3. Locate al electrical devices, computers, memory sticks, tablets etc in your house to give to police, write up a list of what he should have on him 4. Search house for evidence of other recording devices—suggestion of using YouTube videos/google to help is great. 5. Notify a friend or family member nearby for support

[alwaystired234]

I'd go to the police if I was you, there must be some law against being spied on

[Thelnebriati]

Contact the police straight away and show them the evidence, never mind searching for more cameras or other evidence, let them do it.

[baroqueandblue]

Without wishing to discount your feeling about why he's doing this, there is another possibility. Does he have much time at home alone when he could be having sex with someone else in your bedroom and secretly filming that for his own dubious purposes?

[2bazookas]

Probably selling your naked pics to his mates or on line. Maybe filming you having sex too.

[greysome]

Definitely report it to the police. I'm really sorry this happened to you, it's bloody horrible. My exH used to spy on me with the baby monitor camera and a camera he had in the living room (allegedly to monitor the dog) and it was horrendous. By the end of the relationship I felt paranoid and like I was always being watched. It took a long time to feel like I could speak freely in my own house, and I worried for months he had bugged my car.

[paap1975]

I really hope you have called the police!

[Justaboy]

my 7 year old (who had come into our bed in the early hours) said that the lights on her dad's side of the bed had been annoying her last night

Pardon me asking but is that right your husband in the same bed as his 7 year old daughter?

So he sleeps with her and films you?. What else might be be doing?

Freaking mad if you ask me!

[2bazookas]

Damn sure my 7 yr old wouldn't be sharing his bed again.

[timeisnotaline]

That’s nuts justaboy the 7 year old is in bed with BOTH of them. Don’t try and make a bad situation worse for the op to stir up some drama.

[Aquamarine1029]

Stop messing about with Alexa and call the police.

[Jarli]

You have a right to now about it if it's inside your own home - it is illegal.

Apologies, haven't read the full thread so sorry if this has been said.