Husband spying on me?

[lemurllama]

There is so much to this I barely know where to start! I will try to keep it short though...

As we got up this morning, my 7 year old (who had come into our bed in the early hours) said that the lights on her dad's side of the bed had been annoying her last night. I said it was just the red light of the phone showing it was on charge, and she replied "no, it wasn't just the red one; there was a blue light and a green light too."

Once she'd left the room, I had a look and my husband has set up a spy camera. It's poking through a tiny hole in a photo frame and is plugged in by his side of the bed so must be either permanently filming, or possibly set up to record when I enter the room.

I feel sick. He clearly doesn't trust me (not that he has any reason not to) and feels like a huge invasion of my privacy. I come out of the shower and get dressed in that room. We have had problems recently but I just can't believe he'd stoop this low.

I don't know what to do next. I've looked online and it seems he's not actually breaking any laws because it's in our own home. Why would he do this though? He must know I've seen it because it would have picked up on me looking at it (and I assume it's probably linked to his phone in some way). At the moment I don't feel like I can talk to anyone in real life about this, so would like some good advice from you guys whilst I consider my next steps.

Thank you.

[Oldestchild90s]

I'm not going to lie i'm not a specialist with cases like these i just want to know why..? If my OH did that i would be so upset and confused, and really scared! I feel for you op

[SirVixofVixHall]

Also where there is one camera, it is highly likely that there are others. In the bathroom, sitting room etc.
Really I would call the police right now before he can remove them. There is no salvaging a relationship like this. Get the locks changed at the same time and pack his bags.

[lemurllama]

Thank you so much everyone for the excellent advice. I'm going to disconnect the WiFi, take photos and report.

He isn't using it to film us having sex as our relationship has deteriorated to the point that we are no longer dtd. Having naked pictures of both me and the DC worries me in case he tries to use them as a bargaining tool but I'm past caring about myself in that regard. Will definitely ensure anything of the DC is checked out though.

I think it was probably only installed yesterday, as my daughter mentioned it for the first time this morning and he's gone back into the office today for the first time since lockdown. I think he's probably hoping to catch me doing something untoward like maybe phoning or FaceTiming someone. Who knows though? The most excitement he'll see is me sorting out the washing! Sad sod.

[WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo]

He is probably hoping to record you having sex, maybe to post on the internet, who knows. If he has done this it is a criminal offence now. The court of appeal ruled about 6 months ago it is the criminal offence of voyeurism.

Personally that would be relationship over for me. Id be so utterly disgusted.

[SirVixofVixHall]

Also he may have spyware on your computer.

[lemurllama]

And yes I'm feeling totally paranoid about being watched in the whole house now. I'm working from home whilst trying to be a full time mum at the same time and that's all he'll see but I'm hating the thought of being watched.

[supersop60]

Ha. he wants to keep an eye on you while he's back at work.
Call the police - you don't know for certain how long it's been there or what he has filmed.
So sorry this has happened.

[WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo]

Or maybe trying to catch you masturbating?

[Aquamarine1029]

In my opinion, a man capable of this is capable of damn near anything. Please call the police immediately and do whatever it takes to get him out of the home.

[UltimateIrritant]

I would be concerned that he is monitoring your phone and internet history as well. Even a tracker on your car is possible. What a bastard!

[Icanflyhigh]

That is completely unreasonable of him. Please do report as this is a violation of your privacy.

[SirVixofVixHall]

I would get the police in while it is all in situ, don’t mess with it until they have seen it and checked the other rooms. Your dd is at risk too.

[SpillTheTeaa]

What the f**k.
Surely it maybe legal for him to set up cameras in his home but it is not legal for him to film you naked without your consent. You have consented. It's not okay.
Go to the police before he can wipe what ever nasty shit he has on there.

[fedupandlookingforchange]

I think you need to clear your internet history not just on your devices but also on the router, unless you are only using mobile internet. You can log in to router details are on the back but he could probably log in remotely. Maybe ask for the thread to be removed, unless you are calling the police before he gets home.

[oldbagface]

I know someone this happened to.. he'd pit cameras all over the house and a tracker on her car. Absolute nutter. You need to call the police. Don't let him back on the house.

[hammie46i]

@FatCatThinCat

Same here, I'd be exploding with rage over this. He wouldn't know what had hit him. And then he'd be out the door.

Same. He's violated your privacy in a most appalling way, OP. I couldn't forgive. What is he planning to do with the footage? You can't trust him now.

[DopamineHits]

Having naked pictures of both me and the DC worries me in case he tries to use them as a bargaining tool

That's not a bargaining tool, it's something to take to the police. And if you have proof, it's something that could cause him to lose contact with his DC's over. He's probably not that stupid. Probably...

If it's a new thing he's probably going to look at the footage and see that you found it. The question is whether it streams to his laptop/device or whether he has to physically upload it. If it's streamed, he's probably already seen you looking. So get your ducks lined up fast. It may be an idea to look around for other spycams too - bathroom, kitchen, near the front/back door.

[oakleaffy]

@lemurllama
Oh my goodness...I'd be horrified.

How utterly creepy.

That is beyond the pale and inexcusable.

We had a barking mad neighbour who trained a spy camera on the neighbours..both front and back, but a member of your own family?
It would make me feel sick.

[TatianaBis]

I don’t think you can assume it’s only started recently. Even if that camera is new you can’t be sure that there weren’t previous ones or how far it goes back.

The only way to determine what footage he has and what he has done with it is to involve the police.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

I wonder if he's another one of these 'she's not having sex with me, so she MUST be having sex with someone else!' types.

Some men seem to find it unthinkable that women can go more than a week without having sex. It doesn't seem to cross their minds that their attitude can put a woman off EVER wanting sex again.

Proof, police and get him out.

[TwentyViginti]

Good points about more cameras and a car tracker.

[Dullardmullard]

what is looking to achieve here seriously.

Does he want a divorce well give him what he wants.

tell him he's busted and that your divorcing as he no longer trust you with all this camera/videoing crap.

[strawberrypip]

an ex boyfriend did this to me. claimed he was so "into" me that he wanted to see me all the time and wanted to know what I did when I woke up.

he went on to sexually assault me a year or so after we broke up - still thought he could control me and "owned" me. this guy completely destroyed my self esteem whilst we were together too. point being is that people that do this are generally not okay - I would leave OP. I wish I had when I first found out he had been filming me. it was the beginning of increasingly dangerous and negative behaviour on exs behalf.

[Lambster]

I would 100% be turning off the wifi and and unplugging the router - I would then be scouring every single room in the house for any other cameras.

I would then be running checks on all my connected devices for spyware / keyloggers and so on.

I would then change my passwords on all potentially accessed accounts like email, social media and so on.

Inform the authorities, this man is an entitled and creepy fucking scumbag.

[Lambster]

Can you check his Amazon / shopping accounts online and see if it shows his order history?