Partner going to family wedding with ex wife and their kids

[Bibbitybobbottyboo]

Just that really, my partner of 20 months moved in with me at Easter. He has two daughters, seven and four and has been divorced two years after she cheated on him. I don’t have much contact with them at the request of his ex and he won’t stand up for me.

There’s been a wedding pencilled on the calendar for ages, his side of the family, happening in October. It involves travelling up to Scotland on the Friday, staying overnight, wedding on the Saturday and driving back Sunday. Sounds ridiculous but I always assumed I was going with him. Cue a bizarre conversation this morning when I mentioned buying a new dress for the wedding only to be told that he was going with the girls and his ex and not me. Apparently his cousin who is getting married is still close to his ex and wants her there, and as such they feel it is appropriate to go as friends together. Their room is a twin room with two single beds and a set of bunk beds. I have to trust him that nothing will happen he says.

I feel devastated by it and he doesn’t take on board why. He just says that it is important to go as a family for their children.

He really thought you wouldn’t act on it. Well he learned today. Where was he living before moving in with you? @Bibbitybobbottyboo

so what if you are emotional, over-reacting, jealous, yada yada that’s not for him to control or dictate. he’s treated you shoddily, pissed you off and its blown up in his face, be all those things for a while if it suits your mood and blow a big fat raspberry at him while you get it right out of your system. bollocks to what he thinks or says in a text.

change your locks.

Change locks, immediately
Get a webcam conceal it were he can’t see

Op, you are approaching the 2 year mark and this is when most partners reveal their true self as they feel confident in the relationship as they have you hooked.

I would finish with him for calling you crazy as that is term used by men to devalue their partners. It is a slippery slope from there because it allows him to treat you badly.

You are not irrational or jealous or trying to damage his relationship with his children.

His ex wife isn't like a friend and he knows that!

Block him. He's a headfuck. Good luck OP. You deserve someone decent.

Wow! You've had a lucky escape. By lucky, I mean, you could have wasted more time on him or even had a child with him!
I'm sorry that this hurts so much now, but it will get easier over time.
He's a complete shit for minimising your feelings

Oh and your brother is AMAZING!

Block him on everything and change your locks. Can your brother stay at yours tonight?

The anger is because you are holding firm, suspect he has used anger in the past to get what he wants and it worked. You sre showing him that he has chosen the wrong woman to do this to and fair play to your brother!

He will move on quickly and date another woman as staying as his folks cramps his freedom

I'm so sorry you're going through this and have had to take this stand.

I do think he has taken advantage of your understanding and kindness, and now you have reached your limits. People who take advantage don't like limits - hence the angry accusatory texting you're on the receiving end of now.

I'm sure none of it feels real right now and it might not for a little while. Whatever happens - you are right to stand your ground over this. Your relationship is too established for it to be okay to exclude you in this way. It's important to be recognised as his partner and his actions undermine your relationship. His actions show everyone, including his ex and his kids, that you are not that significant and no good can come of that going forward.

I hope alongside the hurt and disbelief you can also feel justified and proud that you have stood up for yourself.

Goodness this has all happened so quickly OP but you have absolutely done the right thing. He didn't even tell you until you mentioned the dress!

You've done the right thing 100% and gold 🌟 for your brother.

I wouldn’t put up with any of this, the way he speaks and disrespects you. You are always going to come second. Walk away and find someone that puts you first...

I would just like to say, your brother rocks!!!

Girrrrrrrl, get rid.

I would have expected, y'all go and take the kids. Ex-wife is the tag along. She can have room with kids and y'all get your own.

But this is just nonsense. I hope you see that.

Well done to your Brother OP.. bloody brilliant.. you're well shot of this gas lighting prick.. please stay strong and keep him out of you life.. do not accept being someone's second best...

Well done for standing firm. It gave you the answers you needed and although this must hurt right now, you deserve so much better.

Had you let this one go it would have given him a free pass to do anything and blame you for objecting.

This is really unkind to your feelings

He sounds unkind. It’s not so much the facts of the arrangement which indeed is not something I’d be happy with but he is free to explore such topics with you,

But it’s how little value he has for your opinion and how he manages to force you to not have your natural feelings about it and instead wants you to feel guilty and be blamed for what is something anyone including him would feel..

Is he generally controlling or is this a difficult topic that he is handling badly ? Because I think you need to take serious steps to tackle this issue before it snowballs

Just read your updates. Well done to your brother for bringing bin bags. Haha

This guy is a Dick.

Well done.

You have done the right thing.

Just ask yourself, would you have done that to him?

No absolutely not and he is definitely in the wrong with this.

You’ve really dodged a bullet here @Bibbitybobbottyboo. It sounds as if your brother sussed him some time ago. So pleased he’s got your back so strongly.

I’m really sorry you’ve had to go through this and that it’s all happened so quickly. You’re totally in the right here. It’s great if he and his ex can get on for the sake of their children but he is going to openly exclude you in the process then that’s not fair and no basis of a relationship. You deserve, and will find, better.

You are way down the list on his priorities. Ask him if he'd be ok with you sharing a hotel room with an ex. I doubt it very much. You deserve better than that

You have been so strong @Bibbitybobbottyboo it must have been so painful to see where you sat in your partner's priorities. I'm glad you have your brother and a good friend to support you.

I've been in your position. My boyfriend went out with his ex wife to celebrate family events with her, and even Christmas day one year! I was sat in the house like a dickhead. We split up twice - not because of that, but his ties with her didn't help - it was only when we got back together for the final time (3 years ago now nearly) that he changed. He hardly communicates with her and there's no family do's which include her - we do our stuff with his side of the family, and she does hers. We did do a joint thing with her for his son's 18th but my boyfriend quickly decided after that, never again. It was awkward. She wanted t ou do something for the other son's 21st and my boyfriend said no.
In short, absolutely fuck him off if he thinks his behaviour is appropriate. It's not. He will come back to you, minus her, if he really wants to but he's got to change otherwise it'll never work. Be strong. Don't accept anything less than a boyfriend you don't have to share.
I bet if she had a fella, there's no way she'd share a room with her ex!!!!!