We have discussed marriage and it isn't really for us (we are not bothered by all the fuss it brings and being the centre of attention)
Yep - beginning to think you're not especially mature yourself.
You're talking about having dc without the protections that marriage gives women and children.
Are you financially secure enough you can support yourself and a child regardless of what happens with you and him? And I don't just mean separation but in the event he becomes incapacitated or dies?
The fact is here in the Uk marriage is still the best way for women who are the ones most disadvantaged by child bearing and rearing, to be protected financially and legally in the event of such changes in circumstances.
You don't need to have a big fancy showy wedding, you can nip down the registry office in jeans and grab 2 strangers off the street as witnesses if you want, no muss no fuss.
I think people who dismiss it as old-fashioned are missing the point at their peril.
Totally agree
So so many threads on here women who lived with and had dc with men, sacrificed their career progression and financial security to have and raise the dc and support the men in their careers...then when they split realise they're screwed and can barely get th men to pay cm
Or (agree more rarely) women who's partners became critically ill/disabled or died and the family are now in dire straits due to it being much more difficult to get financial support for the family as the parents weren't legally married.
@TeddyBeans So sorry for what you and your child are going through that sounds tough
I don't think either party is "wrong" here it's just my experience that men who won't commit are generally signalling that the person they won't commit to within a certain time frame, they don't consider their permanent life partner.
I'm a lot older than you op at 48, I have friends and family of all ages, backgrounds and outlooks on life and the 3 year thing (roughly) generally holds true.
The couples where the man (it's usually the man very rarely the woman as i find women tend to know fairly early on in a relationship if he's not for them - and act!) drags his heels, has to be talked around and persuaded into marriage/dc after several years in a relationship, these couples don't last. Or on the rare occasions they do (I've seen this most with the couples I know of my parents generation) they're miserable! As there's resentment and regret.
A man who really wants to be with you doesn't need to be talked round or persuaded or convinced to commit, he'll do it anyway.
That's why when such men get into subsequent relationships they often marry and have dc very quickly, they know this relationship is the right one for them.
The couples I know where the man has been happy and eager to commit within that first few years there really isn't all this angst or difficulty.