My partner attacked me today

[MarieGold]

NC. He's always been very gentle and caring. He was the last person I imagined would hurt me. I tried to call Women's Aid but I can't get through.

It was like he became another person. I couldn't believe what was happening. I still can't.

We don't live together so I'm home now and safe. I'm struggling not to blame myself (did I drive him to it?) and wonder if there's any way back (I know there isn't). Ironically I wish he had his arms around me now. I never imagined he could do this. I really love(d) him.

How can I process this and stay strong?

It seems he was very mistrustful of you because of his own insecurities and possibly his previous deceitful/abusive behaviour. Sometimes when men accuse you of cheating, it's because they've cheated also. It was also very unsettling that he was worried you might accuse him of being abusive,W he he knew full well such behaviour was in his nature. Very manipulative.

It must have been so traumatic when he contacted your ex. Wtf was he thinking? It's quite scary actually - wanting to find out all about you from the very person who'd been stalking you. Then possibly use that information against you further down the line. Thank god you didn't move in with him.

I am infuriated for you about the male officer's tactless, rude and extremely insensitive treatment. His behaviour is not only completely unprofessional but just disgusting. I'm really glad you've been handed over to someone with DV experience and under the circumstances a women officer would be better suited. I hope the office who upset you got disciplined. Hopefully when you have spoken to someone who is actually empathic and sticks to facts rather than opinions, this will help you fully comprehend the severity of his abuse. ❤️❤️❤️

Op

Just wanted to say how brave you are. Keep going with the police, even if only to tell your story to a female officer who has DV training (you should have had this in the first place!). Stay strong and don't be afraid to burden your friends, even if they are not able to be there for you in person. You are really not to blame, he is.

Just read the thread OP. So much respect for your strength throughout this. You really are amazing (although you probably don't realise it). So glad that you have a female officer now & appalled by the attitude of the officer who interviewed your ex. Really hope you can find someone in real life to talk to, and perhaps to spend some time with. This has been so traumatic. Tough to be dealing with it on your own. Take care. You have done so well.

Thank you. I don’t feel very strong. I cried myself to sleep again last night wishing he was there hugging me

A bit more with it/emotionally cut off today but I’m very tired. Despite my best intentions of doing something constructive I’m going to have to get back into bed for a while.

How are you doing, OP?

Rather down today... spilled a few tears. I feel gutted that he had so little respect for me that he did this, and devastated that he didn’t love me enough to apologise. The bruises are fading but I’m punched in the stomach every day. And yet I miss him.

I still haven’t decided about the statement. I want him to face consequences for his actions but more than anything, I just want him to say he’s sorry. If he was even half the person I thought he was he would have admitted what he’d done, regardless of what that meant for him.

In fact, if he had any kind of integrity at all he would have apologised immediately, signed up for therapy and enrolled in a DV course. Independent of whether the relationship was over or not. But instead he’s lying, which is 10x more upsetting to me than the incident itself.

You must feel exhausted with it all, you have been repeatedly treated appallingly by men including it seems, the policeman.

Glad that there is now someone else that will hopefully handle this better for you and not make you doubt yourself.

Please don’t think that this is on you and you somehow ‘make’ these men behave this way. I wish you had more real life support

Im disgusted by the attitude of the police officer. Can a complaint be made? Would he have told a victim of burglary the thief was crying and looked genuinely sorry?

Ive read all your posts, @MarieGold, and dont wait for him to show some integrity, as it sounds like he groomed you to accept this abuse. Abusers target people who have been abused.
Make the statement and put in a complaint about the male
Police officer, who sounds like an abuser himself. Im furious about that.