Dating Thread 192 - Rose tinted glasses need banning

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Just though I would update everyone that it's over. I feel so stupid. I fell for the lies yet again. I never did get a reason or for him to explain what stepping back/taking things at a slower pace meant. I told him what I wanted and expected and I got blocked instead. I don't know if it was more than just that argument as everything seemed normal when he left. It might just have been the excuse he needed.
Right now I'm feeling like I wasn't enough so please be kind with your responses.

So sorry @Dancerinthemoonlight

@TigerDater apologies accepted. I too am sorry for the retaliation x

@Dancerinthemoonlight, You sound like a really lovely person who just wears her heart on your sleeve.OLD is brutal, take some time out if you need to and remember YOU are the prize.

@Dancerinthemoonlight, I am really sorry that it has ended this way. I'm sure it must feel very raw at the moment. You definitely deserve more than this rubbish treatment.
Time to focus on yourself and reminding you if you need to hear it that you are good enough and one day, soon, you will find the person who recognises and cherishes all of the parts that make you you. (((( Big hug ))))

Ditto all of the above @Dancerinthemoonlight
It's the shittest feeling I'm sorry.
Did he offer you nothing at all? No conversation just blocked you?
What a

So sorry to hear that dancer....what a cowardly thing for him to do as well.

You deserve way better and as others have said you always sound lovely. X

Hope you’re ok dancer Just take things one step at a time emotionally and keep posting here if you need to get stuff out your head x

Sorry to hear that dancer.

I'm so sorry to hear that @Dancerinthemoonlight. But it really is his loss. You sound like a wonderful caring person and you deserve so much better.

@Clovertoast nothing. I sent him a list of what I wanted yesterday and part of that was to know I'm not a secret. He asked me where did I get the idea that I was a secret. I explained that I just wanted to meet his friends etc but he read that today and didn't message me back so I stupidly sent a message asking if he was free to talk properly and only got one tick. So no explanation or anything.
The argument was probably the excuse he needed to bail

@dancerinthemoonlight sorry to hear that, what a cowardly way to end it.

dont feel bad about believing what he told u. take pride that your a caring, trusting and lovely person, shame on him for leading u on.

Hi. I'm OLD at bean chatting to Mr outdoors. I'd much rather meet sooner but he tends to do one long text each day so we don't really get a conv going. We do appear to have stuff in common
He thinks next stage is to have a chat and I thought that meant when he said it! No he means in a weeks time. Should I take the move and mention the chat again?
I have to self isolate for two weeks soon prior to an operation so wonder if he's holding of for that. For me I'd rather meet soon and know if we have something than carry on this daily long text

Anyone had similar. How can I move it forward. I'm not a pushy type tend to go with the flow!

Thanks everyone

@dancerinthemoonlight was that on whatsapp? did his pic vanish too? I've bad a few messages stay at one tick for a while but do go thru eventually.

@crazycatlady20 yes it was on WhatsApp. Profile picture gone, call not going through. Did the usual ways to check.

Pictures and number have been deleted. He has a very distinctive number so I will be able to recognise it if he does get in contact (not that I think he will)

@Dancerinthemoonlight so sorry that happened to you. He is very cowardly and you are better off without him. You will realise this once the initial sting wears off.
Give yourself some time off I’d say. Be kind to yourself and keep talking x

So sorry @Dancerinthemoonlight I guess at least you know now but that doesn’t take away the pain , it’s horrible being blocked.

@daisymat I’m a great one for asking for what I want even if the answer is a ‘no’, I figure at least I know then. So if I was in your shoes, I’d say you’d like to chat sooner than next week, maybe suggest a specific day. He may well be chatting/seeing other people and so playing the field, or he could be very shy, but I agree it would be best to try and at least chat to him and preferably see him before you had to isolate.

Hmmm that's shitty @Dancerinthemoonlight I'm sorry.
He's entitled to decide that dating you is not for him but ghosting without any kind of explanation or closure is shitty and cowardly.
It shows you what sort of man he is.
Cry about it, nope about it, but just for a while, then head up move on xxxx

@HalfDutchGirl thanks for reply. When ever I post here I almost know the answer after I've typed it. It's just saying it to him. This weekend would be ideal. I'll sleep on it
Thanks

At least it's no more living in limbo trying to figure out what he means. I was driving myself crazy trying to figure it out. He decided to take the cowards way out.
I'm not going to go back in the apps until the very earliest October. I'm going down to Cornwall late September so I will spend some time on my favourite beaches and do exactly what I want to do.
At least I fit into all my dresses now so when I am ready again I have a whole wardrobe overflowing with dresses and shoes to wear. I hope it's okay if I stick around on the thread even though I'm not going to be actively looking.

So sorry @Dancerinthemoonlight ghosting is so cowardly and pathetic. You deserve so much better than that.

@daisymat, definitely move the phone call forward. Let's face it if he can't handle a chat then it doesn't bode well for the next steps. But this might just be me. I always prefer to talk to new irons quite quickly because I find it usually tells me a far bit and helps to inform the decision to meet or not.

@Onesmallstep67 yes and quite fancy a meet too after chat or even before. Just so we both know. Otherwise we have2 wks isolation and then I have recovery to think off

I'm going to compose a message I think?

Thanks

Ghosting and blocking...both cowardly moves from someone who doesn't have the audacity to be an adult and have respect.

dancer that guy is an obvious tool, I'm so very angry on your behalf 😬

@Dancerinthemoonlight I'm really sorry he ghosted you. It never fails to amaze me how people can be so shitty. How hard is it just to send a text and say it wasn't working for him. A lucky escape I think for you.

@Dancerinthemoonlight so sorry that you had to go through this. My advice for next time is, hold the power in your own hand. After years of dating what I learned was that some men can be cowards (not all but most). Don't try to talk things through when you see red flags, just block and move on and please trust your gut instinct you will know when something's off anyway. Take care of yourself and know your worth please and I'm sure you will have a great time in Cornwall 💐💐💐