Dating Thread 192 - Rose tinted glasses need banning

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Clovertoast that is a tough one. I’d be inclined to let him have his down day today but I wouldn’t let him keep moping on to you for dats and certainly not when you see him next. I’d find it very draining and a little upsetting

I'm due to see him Friday or Saturday we haven't fixed it yet.

He's text me back thanking me for being supportive and listening. Ssid he appreciates he can tell me how he feels and gave me a kiss emoji.
He then changed the subject to asking how I am and that we are a little closer to seeing each other.
That was nice but I can sense the sad tone.
I just dont want to be a brat about stuff. I have my kids all the time, mine aren't little either so maybe I'm I've forgotten or cant understand that feeling.
I think I'm going to struggle being second best but surely entering into any relationship with a single parent that's what you have to accept ?

@Dancerinthemoonlight I was not being mean. It hasn't helped you for all the sugar coated advice you've received thus far has it? I was being very truthful. You are too willing and too quick to jump into these relationships and maybe that's why your friend said what she did.

Now I missed the bit about your family history and I am of course sorry that you had to go through that. The truth is sadly, everyone in life has to deal with things.

All I said was stop settling for crumbs. See your worth. How can someone you didn't know 2 months ago have you in such tizzy? Otherwise the cycle continues with another ..Mr .x or y or z and you will at one point have to consider the common denominator is YOU

@Menora Of course we all want happy ever after but two people have to want that. When there are there these many red flags and the man in question is already being shifty, where is the happy there?

OLD needs to be navigated with heart, dignity and grace and common sense!

[quote TigerDater]@Savvymymmy that was a vicious post, shame on you.

@Dancerinthemoonlight please don’t let one unkind twat drive you away.[/quote]
Tiger dater this is so unnecessary.. twat really? That's very kind of you.

@Savvymymmy

Please stop now. Its coming across really way too personal. You don’t have to sugar coat things but your delivery is verging on unpleasant. Why are you so personally annoyed by what Dancer does or how she lives her life? It’s her life, none of us can instruct or demand anything from each other and ultimately they are her mistakes to make and work our for herself. That’s the difference. It’s been said multiple times there might be red flags and rushing but there is no need for some of the other comments you made like men were not even interested in her.

@frocksmock

Don't lower your standards *@HalfDutchGirl*, raise them! Why shouldn't you be with someone lovely, attractive - and loyal? You deserve happiness.

How is what I said to @Dancerinthemoonlight any different? Anyways I think I've flogged this issue to death.,so won't say anymore on this. I wish you and everyone OLD well. It hasn't been smooth sailing for most of us, so I'm not typing this from a smug know it all vantage point.

@Menora who are you to tell me what to do or when to stop?

Can you truly and honestly not see any difference in the way those words were delivered versus what you said this morning?

What Frock said was not personal or belittling in any way. It was positive and came across kindly and polite

Best of luck to you anyway

I hope that what I said to @HalfDutchGirl came across as supportive rather than judgemental - that was certainly the intent and I apologise if it was not received that way - whereas I think some of your comments @savvymymmy may be well intentioned but are coming over as harsh.

Perhaps you should stop before you make yourself look any more unpleasant

@savvymymmy just stop. You knew what you were doing and because people on this thread have stuck up for me you are now back tracking. You have missed more than just my family history, it might not be intentional but you have misquoted things I have posted about sitting on the floor, past men I have dated and that I have said previously the situation with his daughter is more complicated as she lives in his home country.
I know that everyone has had stuff they have had to go through in their life and things they have had to deal with. I never said that I was the only person who has had it rough.
I'm sure many of the posters here will agree with me that occasionally there is an iron that you just don't want to let go and that gets under your skin in a short space of time.

No one posts every little snippet of every conversation or date they have had with an iron so you have no idea how happy he made me.

Like @Menora said, this is my life for me to live how I choose to live it. Will everyone agree with the choices I make, no but then I might not and probably don't agree with all the choices they make.

@Dancerinthemoonlight I am NOT backtracking.

Listen to yourself, because people were sticking up for you... what do you think this is a year 10 playground fight?

Of course you can and should what you want. I'm a total stranger- I am the very least of your problems.

People are sticking up for their morals not just another person. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but you might have to accept that people don’t agree with it or like it - just like you are asking all of us to see your POV and insight into someone else’s posts. I don’t agree with you so I am going to speak up about it

Honestly savvy just leave it please.

Most of us here have irons who get under our skin, I did for months but I'm very appreciative of all the support, it is invaluable. You can't always help how you feel, feelings are feelings and its about supporting eachother to make the right decisions. I'm guessing you haven't been in the unfortunate situation of feeling vulnerable, and upset.....Not everyone works the same....good for you if you can but I I for one cant.

I know it all seems very easy to look in from the outside here but this is really difficult for so many of us here and there are ways of putting things. Just be kind.

@savvymymmy just leave it. Of course this isn't a year 10 playground fight. I know you are the least of my problems and I am so fed up with your posts. To me they do seem vindictive.

I know what I deserve and part of that is to not be bullied by someone on the internet. That will be my last say on the matter. This is meant to be a supportive thread

@Savvymymmy do you in any way shape or form think your post this morning achieved anything positive today?

Your delivery is so off, it's concerning you can't see how your words come across aside from the fact your actual content was factually incorrect too.

You say you don't come from a smug place, so I hope you are treated more kindly in life than you appear to treat others.

@Savvymymmy you lost the right to my kindness when you crawled out of the woodwork and were wantonly unkind to @Dancerinthemoonlight when she was vulnerable. You haven’t succeeded in justifying that unkindness in the slightest. You’ve just shown yourself to be what I called you in the first place. HTH.

@Savvymymmy people go about things in very different ways to you. Talking ‘at’ rather than ‘with’ has proven objectionable. You are not ‘right’ you are having a ‘fight.’

Mmm. He tells me (with a wink heart emoji) that I’m his nemesis.. set to stay over next Weds, following weekend. Lots of texts etc. I don’t want to be his nemesis! I said I’d just got anxious. He said ‘don’t be anxious xx’

I shouldn’t worry. But I’d rather not be the nemesis.. I just hope he means this lightly!

[quote TigerDater]**@Savvymymmy* you lost the right to my kindness when you crawled out of the woodwork and were wantonly unkind to @Dancerinthemoonlight* when she was vulnerable. You haven’t succeeded in justifying that unkindness in the slightest. You’ve just shown yourself to be what I called you in the first place. HTH.[/quote]
It does.
If it helps, you're a complete twat as well.Get of your bloody high horse. Be kind she says. Bloody oxymoron.

@Flippityflippityflap75 I'm sure he means it lightly. Like saying you are his weakness or he can't resist you. At least that's the way I take what you have described

@Flippityflippityflap75 thats how I would see it too. Like he cant resist you. Its quite sweet I think

@Flippityflippityflap75

Mmm. He tells me (with a wink heart emoji) that I’m his nemesis.. set to stay over next Weds, following weekend. Lots of texts etc. I don’t want to be his nemesis! I said I’d just got anxious. He said ‘don’t be anxious xx’

I shouldn’t worry. But I’d rather not be the nemesis.. I just hope he means this lightly!

@Flippityflippityflap75 a guy I saw vey briefly (life long friend) said I was the biggest mistake he was yet to make! He quickly back tracked but still!

I would take nemesis in a good way though

Been chatting with Mr T tonight. He quoted a message I sent him the other day, saying I thought we were on the same wavelength and I was developing feelings for him. He asked what I meant about being on the same wavelength. I said I felt we were on the same page and wanting the same thing from life. He asked for an example so I used our conversations about children. He just replied, OK. Fair enough.
I asked what he thought i'd meant and he said he didn't know, hence why he asked.
I have no idea what that conversation was about but I feel it has been playing on his mind as he went to the effort to find it on the text thread and quote it. Any ideas from you wise lot?

I took the opportunity whilst he was talking to tell him that I want him to tell me if I ever come across to full on. I say what I feel sometimes and I worry I'll scare him away as he is quite closed emotionally (his words were I am a closed book) and he said he likes that I'm open and honest and is feeling all the same things. We had a quick chat about the importance of always being honest with each other. He then said he's slamming the book shut for tonight. I laughed and said I'd continue to try and find out what is inside.

We are now planning a couple of dates for next week so all good.

Feels like a bit of a weird and unexpected text exchange but I am going to tentatively assume its positive!

@frocksmock

I hope that what I said to *@HalfDutchGirl came across as supportive rather than judgemental - that was certainly the intent and I apologise if it was not received that way - whereas I think some of your comments *@savvymymmy** may be well intentioned but are coming over as harsh.

@frocksmock I was about to post almost exactly what you wrote! I took your post as totally supportive and came on here to thank you! My post and your response were totally different from the posts that @dancing have been making and so *@savvymymmy* cannot compare the two.