Dating Thread 192 - Rose tinted glasses need banning

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@crackofdoom im really sorry to hear this. Personally I'm stubborn and wouldn't ask even if I was upset but given you have been seeing each other a while, he should give you a better/clearer reason. But try not to be so self critical, it's not all on you. Sometimes things just run their course.

@Rainydayss This is a good question.

I used to screen on the basis of only dating guys with kids then I realised that although they were dads they'd moved away from their kids when they were young which was a massive turn off for me as my own kids' dad did this. I then dated a guy who wasn't a dad but he was lovely. Then I dated a guy who had such a close intense relationship with his 10 yr old daughter that he would never give up his non-working evenings when she was due to stay with him for a date with me and when he came to stay with her (after 6 months of us dating) he would sleep with her rather than me even though she and my own 10 yr old became great mates and could have had sleepovers together.

I now don't screen out blokes that don't have kids but do screen on 'Why don't you live near your kids?'
My close friend claimed she would never date a guy who wasn't a dad as she had four and needed her fellas to in low what parental life was like.

@Onesmallstep67 (and anyone else who is vaguely interested)

I did text back after getting the one liner google maps link text from him (we shall call him Mr Bass - although I think I may have used that name for my last two - there's a theme emerging here. Mr Polymath then. )

I kept it light and said something like 'Thanks. See you there in a bit but do pls say if you've changed your mind, can't be arsed, had your head turned by another then no worries just let me know...' He v quickly wrote 'What?!? Deffo haven't changed mind but can we meet an hour later please?'

Then we proceeded to have a A Very Great Date.
Unprecedented in fact if I do a quick review of all other dates ever.
Easy natural non-stop chatting & laughing and agreeing on key things (lack of religion, parenting style). Lots of common plus similar backstories of where we'd been moved to as a kid. we linked arms as i navigated hilly cobbled streets upwards in wedges then on the way down he took my hand & did chaste but sweet bit of light kissing. Mutually agreed we'd had a really lovely time & declared each other 'awesome' and planned to meet again on Saturday afternoon for more of the same.

NB: I didn't mention the ceasing of textual comms & my assuming I'd been binned off for fear of sounding like an unhinged mad woman.

ruralbliss Huzzah! I think, on this thread, we have established full well that texting frequency has nothing whatever to do with future relationship potential!

'Hang on a minute - we had something good there and you're not such a catch matey that you can bin off decent women...' Precisely. PreCISELY (nods sagely).

I mean, from what he was saying (not that it made much sense), it seemed that he wasn't feeling it physically, like the sex wasn't great or something. Well, sorry, but he is not immediately physically attractive, and is in fact rather overweight, whereas my previous FWB, Mr Shipwreck, could not keep his bloody hands off me, and he was ridiculously buff. So there! (blows rather childish raspberry).

(Yes, I have already messaged Mr Shipwreck actually ).

@Backonthehorse1
No ,it did not happen , thankfully, he never got back in touch, and I deleted, blocked.
So it is back to the drawing board .

That's brilliant @crackofdoom & good on you for getting in touch with buff Mr Shipwreck for his friendship & benefits.

Weirdly the bloke who binned me off when I was least expecting it had the saddest smallest willy, suffered from erectile dysfunction & also not a great bod. My next lover couldn't get enough of me & thought I was best thang ever and I half wanted to get in touch with previous one to say "See!!!??"

You'll be grand. Just a horrible shock & rejection never pleasant no matter where it comes from.

@crackofdoom
Sorry to hear about your iron ending it but what a great way to get over him, just get under someone else

There were probably lots of reasons he ended it and none or hardly any to do with you so please dont fret.

You are the prize

@Nikhedonia

I got this question ...

So do guys generally prefer your boobs or your bum?

Really???

Unmatched

Sorry to hear about your guy @crackofdoom. Don't ask for reasons and don't ever think it's you, just walk away with your head held high (even though it hurts and I know that is hard to do).

I have a third date lined up this weekend now. It's gonna be a busy 24 hours!! I've never dated more than one person at a time as I usually struggle to even find one I find attractive enough and then 3 have come along at once! I'm not sure if any of them will be Mr Right but I am going with an open mind and will just enjoy it for what it is. I'd love to meet someone and 'settle down' but I am also quite enjoying my single life at the moment and have a lot of plans in the pipeline (Covid allowing) :D
On the plus side I have one date Saturday afternoon and another in the evening so I'll only have to do hair / make up once ;)

Hey all. Sadly I'm back 😂. And so are my cobwebs.
Has anyone paid for match. Com?

@cravingthelook

How does this approach ever help. The charming man told me that I have the "personality of a doorknob" because I didn't want to answer his potential shag/girlfriend questionnaire

@CheesecakeAddict I've paid and came off it. All the guys seemed to be the same (and maybe a bit old for me?)

Very quick update on me and Mr T (I’m procrastinating, I should be writing an assignment)

I left it yesterday lunchtime with me saying think about what you want and you know where I am if you want to continue (after meeting my toddler).

I had a text late last night asking how my day was and then a response to my answer which said something about how hot it is today. Really dull chat and no desire on either side to turn it into a conversation.

I’m under the impression it’s fizzled, but with his being such a crap texter, it might not have. I could just ask him as I hate being in limbo but then that goes against me giving him time to process yesterday.

As a backup I’ve gone back onto hinge. Not a lot going on on there. I’m loathed to set up any new apps until I have a definitive answer from Mr T. How long would you leave it before asking? I get the impression he’s a let it fade out kinda guy rather than a just say it type.

I seem to be completely on the fence and happy with whichever way it goes. Any advice appreciated

I'm on match...and pay £9.99 month for 6 months contract. That's where I met Mr Funny....still not sure how that will turn out mind.

Hi @CheesecakeAddict

So a match on hinge asked me out last Saturday afternoon, he last messaged me Wednesday, I messaged Friday ... nothing in reply so I made other plans (Mr Travel Writer as it happens).

He's just messaged, so we didn't go out but I heard there's a car cinema near you we should go....

I don't even think I'll bother responding for a week

I think I might go for it. Do you find the guys on there are more serious about finding someone than just a hook up?

I think so in general yes cheesecake...comparing it to pof anyway!

I'm totally having to revise my views on a must-have which was 'must be great at texting - prompt and prolific'

Exes that have turned out to be narcissistic, insolvent
losers, crazy flat-earthers have all been great at texting and I really enjoyed an all day textual chatathon with them.

Mr Polymath appears to be minimal on the texting despite wearing a watch where texts can be seen and replied to. No on-waking 'Good morning' and brief but polite texts back to mine.

Suspect there may be a correlation be how much of a loser a bloke is and how much time they have to text...
Mind you I'm not a loser and I text constantly while I'm hosting big conference calls.

Anyhoo. Just a cultural adjustment or maybe it stays a must-have and Mr Polymath doesn't make the grade.

I came off of Match. Sooooooo many repeats and too old. Looked a boring site.

@Ruralbliss, that's great news, I'm so glad that it was a fab date with lots of potential. I think sometimes you just have to roll the dice and hope for the best.
@crackofdoom , I think your tactic to get back out there and have some fun seems the best response to Mr Sparky's apathy. It's not nice though when you have begun to develop feelings and got used to the contact and attention
@WolfRun, 3 dates sounds brill. Try no to lose focus with each one. I had this situation and certainly with the second date on the same day I was already distracted thinking about the one from earlier . I'm sure you will get a good feel for each of them and a favourite will emerge.
@CheesecakeAddict, welcome back ! I always get a bit overinvested in people on the thread and when they disappear I always wonder how they are doing.

Just wanted to say a quick hello, I've been dipping in and out reading this thread for a while, and you gave me the push to start signing up for dating apps.
I've tried a few different sites over the last few weeks, some have been horrendous, some have nice guys on but no contact at all. But I finally signed up for Bumble on the weekend which has been great. First guy I have been speaking to "Mr Tall" has been constantly texting, seems to be saying all the right things, I think he wants to take things slow (which is fine with me). But wondering if he's too tall for me - he's 6'3" I'm 5'4" and I never wear heels, not sure if that's going to work, but can't decide until I meet and he's made it clear that is a long way off. I'm worried that he might be too invested by then for me to turn him down easily as it seems he's been let down a lot before.

Second guy "Mr IT" and I have only just started messaging, but much more physically attracted to him. Not sure what to do

Hi All,

I know I said I was going to take a few months off to get things sorted but I felt ready to look and just see what happens after 2 weeks. Going into this with absolutely no expectations and just looking to have some fun dates and see what happens.
@cravingthelook has been supporting me in WhatsApp and she is so lovely. She's been giving me advice on both dating and how to get a better job (sorry for the constant texts today about jobs). Happy that I found a really good and close friend from this thread.

I have already been on 3 first dates/meets. Also had a few phonecalls with a potential iron who I believe was wanking while talking to me as his arm keeps moving a lot like he was and then got really arsey when I was busy. Blocked and deleted. The first 2 were rubbish for a wide variety of reasons from being arrogant to being Handsy and trampling all over my boundaries.
Went on a first meet with an iron who I will call Mr Easy Going. He is a year younger than me but seems quite mature for his age. He is in the process of taking his daughters mother to court for access/joint custody (at least this is what he says, at the moment I can only take his word on it at the moment). Had another date/hang out with him Monday night which was really good. He seems really keen on me and has asked me both times when can he see me again. This is new for me as usually it's me asking if/when I am going to see them again. He does need to man up and start making some decisions as to what he wants to do rather than asking me to decide all the time.

Still on all the apps and potentially have some other first dates/meets lines up. At the moment I'm just seeing what happens with no expectations that any of the dates will lead to anything. As long as I'm having fun/enjoying myself while staying firm with my boundaries and still working on myself.

Hey @Onesmallstep67. There was no real reason for my disappearance; life has just got in the way I suppose 😅.

Hey @Dancerinthemoonlight good to have you back!

@CheesecakeAddict, yes, life has a habit of doing that !! I'm ready to get overinvested again, so keep us on the thread in the loop lol.

Yay, so lovely to hear from you @Dancerinthemoonlight. Glad that you and Craving are linked up now, always great to have someone like that IRL.