Dating Thread 192 - Rose tinted glasses need banning

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Rainydayss your posts are funny 😂 the sifting has to be ruthless but when you run out of potentials it’s time to maybe reconsider if that wallpaper is actually ok I swiped left on photos with children fish messy rooms smoking friends too good looking too ugly too bald too hairy .,,, how I found Mr Blueeyes on Tinder I will never know

@ZoZoBo I need to chill out....he just sent me this:

Hey, yes having a good time with her!
It's still too hot though isn't it!!
As far last night, as great as it was it was gutting we weren't together.
Have a great day, and I am already looking forward to seeing you tomorrow x

He still into me, we good

Ah glad I'm not the only ruthless one, I'm sure they're just as ruthless looking at our profiles.
Football shirts are a no-no as are...dog licking man's face in photo, beer drinking, car selfies, gym selfies with painted on abs, moody/sultry attempt at a selfie, dodgy looking sofas.
Although the way I critically analyse the decor/sofa/bedroom makes me feel like I'm choosing a holiday cottage for the weekend and not a man...which to be fair sounds a rather more pleasing option currently!

@PurpleMackington

I remember the anxiety of the early days, but my advice to you will be to chill. He was spending a day with his child- let him get in touch first.
Sending a message that went unanswered last night ( late or not) and then another this morning is a bit full on IMO. Once things progress, the messaging will become more natural I find.

Hope it continues to go well

Thanks for all the birthday messages had a great day yesterday and another lovely one today.

So many posts to catch up and I’ll have a proper read tomorrow and comment then when I’ve more time. I find this thread so reassuring that so many of us are going through the same overthinking /omg he hasn’t text me does he still like me/Do I like him/why is he posing with a dead fish/what awful wallpaper etc etc thoughts!! So great to realise I’m not alone!

Seeing Mr Blast again tonight, last night was so good, even though I’ve still no clue whether I fancy him or not!!

Hope everyone out on dates tonight as a great time

Hi all, so hope you’ve had a great Saturday :)

So I think the Mr T thing is going to fizzle out. He came over yesterday and built the bed for me, and I was so grateful. We had some lunch and it was nice but I just didn’t feel much. He’s so nice, he’s reliable, helpful, financially secure, great in bed but I just don’t think it’s going to go anyway at the minute. He’s not romantic at all, he touches me and kisses me but he doesn’t give compliments, he doesn’t make plans and he’s very similar to my ex husband I’m finding! He’s in the same business as my exH so wonder if it’s a personality trait?!
We’ve not spoken much today but I’ve been to the coast. I replied to his message at lunch and nothing since. I’m thinking he’s thinking the same to be honest.
I told him a little bit more about my illness (he wasn’t massively interested) and he asked me about my ex and if he’s been in contact. I gave him the very short version but I think both things combined are too much for him.
Anyway, I’m fine with it fizzling. You can’t control feelings on either side.
I’d like him to make an effort to make arrangements as it’s always me. I see any future relationship with me making all the decisions (his answer to everything is always, I’m easy) and that is frustrating!

Anyway, no reply necessary just wanted to put it out there. I’ve had some sea air and I’m shattered. Early night for me :)

I was just coming on to have a bit of a 'woe is me' moment after things with my latest iron look to have fizzled out after a few weeks of really promising dates. We had a bit of a slow start where I think he was definitely into me more than I was him. In fact I wasn't even that attracted to him at first. But a few dates in and I fell head over heels and just like @Awholenewlife123 and @Rainydayss I got ahead of myself and started imagining a future with him.

Basically my area has been on lockdown since last week (Greater Manchester) so I haven't been able to see him. He's taken the hump with this and suggested I'm using it as an excuse not to see him?! Not heard from him in a couple of days so I'm guessing that's that.

I've spent the last few days wondering what is wrong with me and how this has happened to something which was so promising, then I think @LivingMyBestLife2020 has hit the nail on the head for me with - "You can't control feelings on either side." That is so true. I really thought this guy could have been something special, but clearly he wasn't on the same page and I can't make him want to be with me. Onwards and upwards!

Been talking to a few new irons today in an attempt to stop me thinking about my previous iron. One good potential, I shall call him Mr Medical. Not my usual type but there's something about him which is intriguing so I'm going to carry on getting to know him.

Good luck to any who are out on dates this weekend.

@Backonthehorse1 sorry to hear he has done this. Maybe it’s showing some of his true colours though.

I have to say I’m so glad that I’m not the only one who does many of these things. Sometimes I think it’s just me so makes me almost stop obsessing so much.

@LivingMyBestLife2020 you are so right about not being able to control feelings the other side. I need to remind my self of this as it brings me back down to earth with a bump. My coworker is in a relationship and happy so the fantasies are just that and would never be more. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to his relationship and so I’m determined to stop being so ridiculous. Even the thoughts of being with him are selfish and so I’m determined to stop it.

In some ways I just want to get out and start dating but it hasn’t been that long since the end of my relationship and I’m worried more about others opinions than anything else. I also know I want to work on my confidence first.

@Backonthehorse1 it sucks doesn't it. He text just after I posted. The conversation went
Mr T “How was your day at the coast?”
Me “great thanks, the sea air is good for the soul. How has your day been?”
Mr T “Ok. Been cycling now visiting some family”

I have no response to that at all. I’ve just said enjoy your evening.

I make all the plans and decisions and I’d just like for once to not have to be the mum or grownup and have somebody else arrange something. He is a lovely guy but I think he’s going to be a bit too much of a wet lettuce for me unfortunately. If it ever became a relationship I Don’t see him as the type to say I love you or surprise me with anything. I think he’s sit in the sofa and wait for me to suggest what to have for tea.

I’ve been speaking to my friend and I’ve decided to back right off and see if he either notices or makes an effort. If he doesn’t then I guess I’ll have to move on.

The trend of men opening up their description of themselves talking about their sexual preferences is most bizarre (I've just read one where the chap immediately starts talking about his obsession with silk and satin on a woman's skin. He's also put a link to an article on feminism, am I being cynical or does it seem a bit odd?!

Oh yes that does sound odd Mr satin sheet man, he wouldn't be impressed with my IKEA ones.
The man who blocked me after we were getting on great in message sent me an apology saying he had a lot on and sorry he went quiet!
Really? I haven't replied until I can think of a suitable sarcastic response

@Rainydayss ...‘New phone who dis?’

new to this.
Been texting someone on n off for about a month, he had asked previously to meet, but, it never happened.

Have agreed to meet up tomorrow, yesterday, received this text.
'Jst thnk in 2slps ur MINE. xx '

Oh Misha run for the hills!
I don't know what's more disturbing, the possession aspect of his text speak.
Or go on the date and bring us back some comedy tales!

@Misha2011, how does that fit with how he's been with you? Have you spoken on the phone? It's certainly a message that could be interpreted in a variety of ways. It makes me feel a bit uneasy but I don't know the context.

@Misha2011

new to this. Been texting someone on n off for about a month, he had asked previously to meet, but, it never happened.

Have agreed to meet up tomorrow, yesterday, received this text.
'Jst thnk in 2slps ur MINE. xx '

@Misha2011 Wow!! Does he normally text like that? It hurts my eyes and that’s even before the meaning of the message!

The text speak alone would be a deal breaker for me!

@LivingMyBestLife2020, how are you this morning ? Reading back through some of your posts it's clear that there are many aspects of Mr T that you really like when you are together in person. You're clearly having a difficult time with your health and his responses haven't maybe been as reassuring or thoughtful as you would have hoped for. Maybe he needs time to process his feelings?

I will speak for myself here but I think we're sometimes in danger of having an idealised view of what our next relationship should look like. It's easy to create ( subconsciously ) a long list of things that they should be or have. Of course core qualities should be there. And clearly if they don't make the effort early doors then it won't take off. All of us though are complex and past experiences will have shaped who we are, for good and bad.
I absolutely concur with the mantra of ' you are the prize' but usually if you are having to say that it means that the person you met wasn't the right one. Because when you find the right fit their quirks and imperfections, their issues and difficult circumstances aren't a red flag, they're things that you accept and find ways to address together.

I'm feeling totally ashamed of myself this morning after drunk texting an ex last night. My head hurts today and I deserve it. I feel wretched. I told him how much he hurt me and how much I still loved him. What an idiot. I should know better at my age.

@frocksmock oh dear, you have my sympathy. I really loathe myself when I do stuff like that. I take it there's been no response? Hopefully least said soonest mended now

@Onesmallstep67 I’m good this morning thank you. Mr T has sent a couple of messages first thing this morning asking how I am. He still seems keen. I think it’s his personality but I’m not sure I can live with that long term. You be been in a ‘loveless’ marriage and it’s not something I want to do again.
One not going to give up on it just yet as he does tick a significant number of boxes. I’m just going to back off a bit and give him the opportunity to make plans and do a bit of the running.

I start a new job tomorrow. The first day of the start of my new life, so I’m pretty excited 😊 He’s asked how I am feeling about it and is excited for me, so I’m just going to crack on with my life and see what happens :)

Apologises for all the typos. I think my touchscreen on my phone is giving up the ghost!

@Onesmallstep67 he sent me a nice message saying I would get over it etc which made it worse in some ways. Shoot me now.

@LivingMyBestLife2020 it sounds like you want a bit more va va voom from Mr T! You sound so positive and happy, good luck in your new job and roll on this new chapter in your life!

@frocksmock you have absolutely hit the nail on the head there! Va va voom is exactly what I want 😂

And don’t worry about the drink texting. We’ve all done it