Dating Thread 192 - Rose tinted glasses need banning

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@AJandTheQueen
You only have to read experiences on this thread, the latest being Dancer, to know that even though you think you know these people and they would never ghost or treat you badly they actually will.

You had a week of no contact, you sent a message 3 days ago and he hasnt replied...if he liked you he surely would have replied even if it was to say he needed more time so unless his phone is broke or he is very ill then i think he was ending it.

@HairyArsedMan I'd take her at her word and just plan to be friends, if you can stand it. Things may develop further but you can't count on it, and best not to even keep it in mind.

@LivingMyBestLife2020 your advice to turn off WhatsApp statuses is interesting. Not sure I can bring myself to do it yet, but it seems like a positive discipline generally.

The last news with Mr LL is he wrote me a nice message Sat am (the morning after we saw each other). I responded in the evening agreeing it was a great time and saying I hope he enjoyed the activity he said he was doing on Saturday.

Now it's been silence. I was practically giddy all day Saturday due to having enjoyed our time so much and now I'm anxious.

It's possible he thinks I'm too intense. It's possible he thought I was blowing him off after not letting him pay and then taking my time with messaging.

I'm just out of an emotionally abusive relationship 10 months ago and I'm probably sending out huge signals of emotional distance. I even froze when he hugged me hello (I guess in part Covid related as I'm not even used to human contact).

It's so irritating to be in this place of insecurity - and even worse, not knowing what I want.

Good day today with Mr T. We had lunch, he reassured me and offered to build this blooming bed for me. He’s text this evening to say he’s booked an open air film for us at the weekend, which sounds lovely 😊 So I’m happy

I've just seen this thread exists from another thread tonight, can I join please

Thanks @Menora, @LivingMyBestLife2020 and @happylittletree I think I’m going to leave it be. I had a think about it and the quality and nature of the convo are leading me to like her more. Bloody hell, I think i’m one of those sapiophiles I read about on profiles 😄! So I think that’s not going to make a good foundation for friendship, nor will it be good for me in approaching other dates with a clean slate.

@Bunkbedpeople
Thank you, that actually gave me some 'food for thought' and I have been thinking a lot about it.

MrL is very much of the 'if you have a problem or something on your mind you must share it' mindset. I have been feeling like I am too closed off, but actually, I'm like that for good reason. Yes I know I would need to open up to someone in a LTR, but this is not at that stage yet.
He is very intense in many ways, he wanted to book the week off work to spend with me because my dc are with gp for the week. I had to be really forceful in saying no, but he still booked thurs and fri off. I have a hospital appointment on Friday and I want to go alone, it's for a scan and yes I'm nervous, but he is trying to insist I need him to come. We just had a heated discussion on the phone because he is trying to say he is coming whether I like it or not.

On the one hand he is lovely, I like how attentive he is amongst other things but he's so intense at times I feel like running for the hills.

Welcome @MiniKievs you don’t have to ask. What in particular has brought you here ?

Thank you
I have dabbled in OLD for a couple of years, recently split from an ex of 18 months that I met on line and have just started dipping my toes in the water again.
It gets a bit dull for your coupled up friends to constantly hear about the "yay, I'm excited! Oh no, he turned out to be a dick" rollercoaster, so I think this thread might be helpful
And I love hearing other people's dating stories!

Hi. Another question for the experts please

Is it common with potential irons to ask if they have been chatting to others. I think it naturally come out in conversations but not sure if I should not ask as then I'd have to answer the question back!

@LivingMyBestLife2020 that’s great news, so pleased, especially as he’ll build that bed for you!

Sorry haven’t checked in today had the most crazy 24 hours I’m still a bit bewildered!

Had first date with Mr Blast last night, was a bit disappointed I didn’t fancy him when he picked me up but had a great evening, he is just the nicest, funniest, interesting guy, complimentary and kind and the fact we have history (albeit for a long time back) made the evening fly. He came in for coffee (I knew it would be just coffee!) and we carried on chatting away. All I could think was, I don’t fancy you but you are so nice I would like to see you again - does that make sense? We had a quick snog at the end of the night and have been in contact constantly since, hopefully seeing him in a few days again.

Then, just like buses, Mr M messaged me first thing today asking me out for coffee this morning, I was busy so he ended up coming to mine for ‘coffee’!! We’ve DTD before and it’s great, weak at the knees great & we chat for ages too, I do fancy him big time but at the mo he doesn’t want anything serious.

In the meantime I get a random text from an old iron and Mr C has also rung!

So, again, remembering what you wise people have said, I’m trying to keep it one date at a time but have to say my heads in a bit of a spin.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble, it’s cathartic writing it down!

@minikievs yes, I agree this thread really helps me (as you can see from my above post!) that I can drivel on here and get great advice rather than boring my friends with the OLD rollercoaster!!

@daisymat my opinion is that I don’t ask if they’re chatting to others if (a) I don’t want to know the answer or (b) if I feel that they would then ask me and I may have to lie!!

@HalfDutchGirl what a great day your head must be spinning

If only I had those choices. 🙏

@AJandTheQueen sorry but I think actions speak louder than words unfortunately. It's cowardly if he's ghosted you though.
@LivingMyBestLife2020 Mr T sounds fab!
Welcome @Minikievs!
@HalfDutchGirl please share your secret! It makes me giddy just hearing about it, enjoy!
I've had an evening of messaging with an iron from a few weeks ago. We were supposed to have had a second date but I cancelled for personal reasons and probably came over as flaky because of the circumstances. Anyway he came up in my 'shuffle' and I swiped right, which prompted him to message, albeit warily. He's a funny one, but nice to talk to. I'll call him Mr Skate.

@frocksmock I wish I could tell you my ‘secret’ but truth be known there isn’t one, I’ve had flipping months and months (excluding lockdown) of precisely nothing, apart from let downs and bad dates, happening in my love life (apart from Mr C on the periphery) and then suddenly out of nowhere appear Mr M and Mr Blast so that’s why I’m in a total dither!!

It could well all revert back to form in a week!! Mr Skate sounds promising, here’s hoping for good news with that one!

@happylittletree why did you take so long to respond to him after your date? Im impatient myself so if i didnt get a quick response, I'd assume lack of interest. Have you suggested a follow up?

@AJandTheQueen so ten days of not speaking and he's ignored a nice message you sent? Next!!

@30somethingandstillsingle Mr Legal is trampling all over your boundaries. This is the man who has only been separated a few months? No is a complete sentence.

Had a good talk last night with Mr T about my ex. I’d mentioned his little kick off when we were talking about building the bed during the day.
He text last night asking more about him. It was a little uncomfortable for me and I told him we didn’t have to talk about him and he said he’d like to understand more as the ex will always be in our lives. He was genuinely so understanding and it was clear he’d never come into contact with a narcissist before as he was amazed by things he does and said, which is excellent news. I kept it brief and factual as I don’t want to come across as a cow.
I told Mr T he was wonderful and he has no idea just how wonderful. And he really is.

I’m still waiting for him to drop a bombshell but enjoying it for what it is right now 😊

@HairyArsedMan I think that's a good decision

@30somethingandstillsingle even if he has the best intentions (which I'm doubting, Sounds more controlling) I'd be very wary, it's way too overfamiliar to insist on accompanying someone to a medical appointment

@Eesha there are a few reasons:

1. I hate texting/it makes me super anxious (unfortunate in this day and age)
2. I was busy with a friend the entire day (which I did make clear in my text I think - I said it was a very intense day of house shopping with my friend)
3. I am afraid of coming on too strong as if I want a relationship

@Notcoolmum yes, he's only been single a few months.

Usually he is ALWAYS messaging or phoning in the morning, always responds to messages straight away etc but he seems to be ignoring me this morning. I'm not up for childish games so I'm going to end things I think.

Ladies (and any gents). I dip in and out of this thread as have taken quite long breaks from dating over the past couple of years and change my name quite a bit but it's a great thread.

Anyway, I have hit the pinnacle of the Princes of OLD. One gentleman said in his profile 'I like cleaning my ears with cotton buds'. Why on earth?!! He looked quite nice as well!!

@sweetbirdofjuice It's a thing for some people ! I had an ex- that loved it. She used to beg to do mine. I tried to indulge her but I hated it. She was literally digging for gold and insatiable.

@Minikievs Imagine trying to talk about this stuff with your bloke mates ! Hope the thread can help you out.

@happylittletree well maybe arrange a follow up if you are still keen. He might think you aren't bothered

@sweetbirdofjuice - heck if I read that on a profile it would turn me right off!!

@30somethingandstillsingle my ex used to do this kind of thing, trample on my boundaries, sulk and ignore me. It became more sinister over time. I think you're very wise to end it.
@sweetbirdofjuice just eeeewwwww! What possesses people to think that's alluring?!
@happylittletree have you heard from him now?

I cancelled a date this evening because I just wasn't feeling it, but I've had a bit of flirty banter with Mr Skate which I'm feeling quietly happy about!