Play fighting with my BF... he hurt my eye?

[Oceanlover1998]

I and my boyfriend (both in our early 20s) often play fight and it sometimes involves tickling, sometimes pushing etc.
He does boxing every week and is stronger than me and so it sometimes hurts a lot more than I do to him. He is also really competitive and never lets me get away with having the last move.

Last night we were flicking eachother all over and I accidentally flicked his cheek and I apologised immediately after. He told me to kiss him better and that he was hurt, so I went over to him and he flicked me hard in the eyeball.

I immediately started crying and I was in shock that he did it back even after I apologised for hitting his face and he was that careless that it hit my eye. I couldn’t see for a few seconds and ran to the bathroom and of course he ran after me apologising and saying that he didn’t mean it and that it was an accident.

I said I wanted some space and went downstairs for a while and of course he followed me. I told him about the fact I had been in an abusive relationship before and he was violent, he then got upset and said I was trying to compare him to my ex which wasn’t the case at all. It just felt like it was all happening again.

I know it was an accident but he should have brushed it off when I accidentally hit his face, not gone for me and hurt my eye. My eye is now swollen. I told him that we cannot play fight anymore. He does Thai boxing and should be able to take a girl flicking him on his face without retaliation.

He often goes too far when play fighting and often pins me down and tickles me or grabs my sides which i don’t like, he does eventually stop but it takes some tries.

I have told him that we cannot play fight anymore. Am I doing the right thing here?

My ex BF used to like play fighting. At the beginning I thought it was ok but gradually he started pinning me down and tickling me so hard it hurt and wouldnt stop or he would grab my inner thighs and bruise them. He was also very dominating in the bedroom.
I am not sure this is normal behaviour but we are not together anymore.

BF said I was being dramatic when I told him I could have damaged my sight...he doesn’t seem remotely remorseful now...even coming across as defensive because I have been ‘moody’ with him all day.

OP, this is insanity. He intentionally hit your eye and could have blinded you, but accuses you of being dramatic. He is an entitled, remorseless brute who enjoys stomping on your boundaries and hurting you. Get out ASAP.

Asking him, telling him to stop isn't going to work here, is it? He has consistently dismissed your spoken words. Your apology wasn't even acknowledged. He may be the type to operate on the premise that if you are still hanging around him, then he believes his treatment of you isn't that bad; if it was that bad, then you'd leave him.
Speak with your feet and walk away. No second guessing on this one. But your mum some flowers and give her a big thank you hug.

Buy! Buy flowers. Get yourself a bouquet as well. It will be a lucky escape. Good luck.

He often starts it and when I tell him to stop he doesn't.

Your mum is right. You need to leave.

@Chesneyhawkes1

I hate play fighting. Before I married DH I was in an abusive relationship and one of my dogs is now very protective over me in that way.

DH used to flick me annoyingly etc. Once he pretending to punch me and because I flinched, my dog grabbed his arm. That soon put a stop to his childish behaviour.

Good dog!

"Bf said I was being dramatic when I told him I could have damaged my sight."

OP, once you've left him I'd strongly suggest you get some counselling (perhaps women's aid can recommend something appropriate) as even in this sentence you're taking responsibility for his violence towards you.

He could have damaged your sight, not you. It was his vindictive and abusive behaviour that has done this. He alone bears responsibility for it.

I hope you leave him immediately, before your eye heals and your gaslit into believing it wasn't that bad or was some way your fault. It isn't. Leave now and go to stay with your mum and don't look back or next time it will be much much worse

Call 111 immediately when you get up, even if it's not still sore or swollen.

And yes, you know what you need to do.

Listen to your mum.

Next time (and there will be one) it will be even worse

Call 111, you're not being dramatic.
Dump him this morning if you haven't already done it.

Oh you are so young. Your mum is right, his behaviour is inexcusable. Definitely seek medical attention and please get rid of the boyfriend.

Him trying get you to play fight is strange anyway btw and it is unlikely your find another boyfriend who tries encourage you to do this!

So it’s not that he did a cruel deed and hurt you, it’s that you’re ‘moody’ and ‘dramatic’. He’s got no remorse, no shame...he thinks it’s fine to flick you in the eye after initiating a play fight with you and in fact, he’s actually annoyed that you’re upset about it.

Like I said before, 10 months is nothing. Certainly not compared to a lifetime of this shit. A decent man would be horrified that he had hurt you. A decent man wouldn’t have flicked you in the eye in the first place.

He doesn't want you to seek medical attention as someone will ask what happened and he knows he is in the wrong. Violence has a tendency to escalate, what damage to your body will he be making you cover up next? You are young and have your life ahead of you, you don't put up with being treated like this.

So many red flags! He’s abusive.

I bet he doesn’t flick any of his fellow Thai boxers in the eye. Or carry on mauling them about when they tell him to stop. 🤔

Important to see a health professional in person about your eye. Vision is vital. My toddler once hurt my eye, phoned my GP, who advised me to attend A&E where they had the equipment to take a look. Got checked out and some eyedrops with mild anaesthethic in, the relief was amazing!

Even more important to get checked out if you’re a contact lense wearer.

Can't believe how judgemental some of the pp are being right now 🤣 I'm middle aged and love to play fight lol each to their own 🤷‍♀️

It does genuinely sound like he accidentally flicked you in the eye, haven't you ever gone in for a kiss with your DP and mistimed it and ended up colliding with his nose or some other part of his face?

I can understand how triggering it can be though especially considering past trauma but is there any malice to how he play fights with you, that to me matters more than the occasional times you've both hurt each other

He asked her to come and kiss him better, then flicked her in the face, injuring her eye. How is that accidental?

You are in an abusive relationship.

He dresses the abuse up as play but
HE starts it
He has to win
HE is stronger than you and often hurts you
HE doesn’t respect you saying no / stop
HE was upset and angry you might have “won” so flicked you in the face after you had apologised
HE is now acting all hurt and upset because HE injured you when you’re the one who is hurt.
Playing is only playing when both of you enjoy it - you clearly don’t and he doesn’t care.

I’m glad you’re getting your eye seen to.

But you also need to end the relationship, if you don’t you are telling him that it’s ok to hurt you and next time or the time after that he will hit a bit harder and so on.
He enjoys dominating and hurting you and gets away with it by dressing it up as “play”.
He already doesn’t stop when you ask him to what makes you think he will start now?

End it.

Of course he is now defensive because you are being off with him, did you expect him to be sorry? He is a massive arse, don’t waste any more of your life on him & get your eye checked out.

@Oceanlover1998

Understand the posts commenting on why we play fight - I’m not sure, he often starts it when he is bored. When I tell him to stop he doesn’t, I was thinking maybe we need a safe word to use when either of us have had enough - as ‘stop’ doesn’t usually work But now I think we both need to stop. If he hurts me again it’s over

Mate, this isn't play fighting, this is him hitting and frightening you with the pathetic excuse plausible deniability that it's play fighting.

You are so "pre groomed" by prior abuse that you can't even see that he is deliberately physically abusing you and that he quite deliberately flicked you IN THE EYEBALL to punish you for having the as he sees it gall to (albeit accidentally) fight back against his physical abuse of you.

You absolutely need to end this and do the Freedom Programme before you even consider dating again. This man will end up full punching you in the face. It's what he is. Don't get pregnant, if you do then you'll never escape him.

It does genuinely sound like he accidentally flicked you in the eye, haven't you ever gone in for a kiss with your DP and mistimed it and ended up colliding with his nose or some other part of his face?

I can quite confidently say that no one has ever in the entire world gone in for a kiss and ACCIDENTALLY used their finger to flick their partner hard in the eyeball. No one ever.

but is there any malice to how he play fights with you, that to me matters more than the occasional times you've both hurt each other

Have you even RTFT?
The answer is in the OP's posts.

Op, do you already live together?

Shocked st the apologists and bitchy comments towards OP.
OP this is not a safe or healthy relationship. End it and focus on fixing your skewed boundaries before you get with someone else. He is a bully and a dickhead.