Struggling with life after a narcissitic relationship

[Nursing2029]

hi
My marriage ended 4 years ago, lack of feelings and i jumped straight into a relationship i thought was amazing.
4 years later and the relationship with the narcasstic has destroyed all confidence i have. I have gained weight and have a general fear of life.
I have 2 wonderful kids with my ex husband but I feel so overwhelmed with guilt over the end of the marriage and I have let the narcasstic wear me down so much I am anxious at the thought of a night on my own. Any advice would be appreciated x

Homemade Indian curry made from a slimming world recipe (yeah!), The naan bread I had with it wasn't part of the slimming world recipe book but what can I say? I'm depressed!

Oh, there's a video I watched recently.... I'll look it up. Where Richard Grannon says that once a narcissist has no use for you it's just pain from that point forward.

You are in absolute hell. You need to get out, you're starting uni soon, you need rested for that.

I'm actually scared to think what the recovery time might be. Feeling like this for months isn't my idea of a good time,but it's not like any previous experience, so I'm not expecting it to be quick

@Dontknowwhyidoit
I'm still in contact. I seem to have a mental block when I ask myself why. He has promised to address all of the issues and I so want to believe him.

I feel so stupid though. I was more together at 18 than I am now..

@Lochie662
I like a slimming world meal. Calories don't count just now.
I need to give myself a shake. I don't even like him.
How have you been feeling x

@NativeAustralian

But what we all have to remember about recovery time it gets a little bit easier every day, or every week or every month. It's constantly on that curve to health and happiness.

When you break your leg, that moment you hear the snap, the rush of absolute agony, enough to make you sick. The wishing you could die rather than feel the pain....". That's temporary. That level of pain is temporary.

Then the next stage the casting , the setting and the healing. Or in our case the going no contact, setting up new routines, new support systems, that's longer and constantly getting a little improved, a little better. Until one day your getting the cast off and the relief is immense and you appreciate all the things you used to take for granted.

Recovery is a long time coming, absolutely. But it's going to be worth it. So worth it.

@Nursing2029

I don't even like mine either! Lol. He was into absolutely nothing I liked. His music was different, his books! He liked Greek history, I like modern history..... He liked expensive. I'm a fan of cheap lol.

I'm nicer than he is. He's not awful in every way though. But he's absolutely not for me!

Hi all
I have a 5 year old whose weight I am struggling to manage. I work full time so he eats 5 days a week either at school and wrap around care or at his childminders. During the lock down I had to reduce my hours and give him a packed lunch and do his evening meal and he soon lost weight and started looking ok but since school meals and childcare restarted his weight is ballooning again. Everyone is swearing to me that he is eating healthily and not overeating but I just can't see that he can be.
I am planning to send him back to school with packed lunches but I cannot avoid wrap around care ( which is where I suspect that he is having more treats). I cannot avoid childcare during the school holidays and I guess as well that here he is eating too much.
Has anyone else had this issue and how did they deal with it? I have already tried asking them not to allow him to have so many snacks and limit portion sizes but it doesn't seem to make any difference. They also seem to make so many cakes and biscuits as a form of activity but then of course they want to eat them!!
Thanks for any help and advice especially if you have experienced this.

@Lochie662
Mine was so depressing and moaned all the time.
I was told at the start I was too happy and positive and he would drag me down..why do I always know better.
This is the first time I have felt angry:).x

apologies re previous post - my internet is so slow I thought I had clicked to start a new thread but was still on here!!

@countrygardener
No problem, hopefully you find some help.
I had to get my son to eat lots of fruit, hard when he is getting food elsewhere x

@countrygardener

Hi, sorry did you mean to start your own thread? Sorry, I can't help with that. My son always erred on underweight. I think it's ridiculous that you can't ask for healthy treats, surely they can do healthy snacks to make! It shouldn't be this hard should it?... I would look at increasing exercise though. That can make a big difference. Can you ask your son not to accept snacks after school because you're making h a healthy dinner? I don't know the logistics though...

@Nursing2029

Angry is good.

He's a fucking video making, confidence crushing, grammar correcting BASTARD!

Who makes our skin CRAWL and who you deserve to sweep into the corners and cornices of your past!

@Lochie662
That made me lol.
You read my mind. He is a creepy bastard. He peed in a glass in one of the videos wtf.
Angry is good x

@Nursing2029

That's something you can't unsee.... You could always buy him a glass for a present.... With the writing "not for drinking" Or just send him a picture of your glass/cup cupboard and ask him to let you know if you're safe to proceed.

I don't get the video... Does anyone want to see that? Seriously?

@Lochie662
I can't unsee it. He had my underwear on in one.
Scarred for life.
Can laugh now a bit lol.

Love it may send it in the post.
I will never figure it out x

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

I am completely speechless .

That sounds absolutely..... I'm trying to imagine.... I have no idea how I'd react to that. I'm sorry.

You have binned the underwear? You could always send that in the post as well.....

@Lochie662
I think that is why I struggle so much.
I binned them a long time ago before the videos were found lol.
That was the tip of the iceberg.
Jogging on the spot naked.
No wonder my head is mucked up.
I dont think it has entirely sunk in.
Loads of videos and bum photos. Yuck.

@Nursing2029

I think you seem ashamed of the videos. As if you somehow have some kind of ownership of them. You don't and you never did. Narcissists are really good at what they do, they reel us in with this pretense of something beyond amazing and clean. We think it's true love. Like we've never felt before.

This isn't your shame and you should give it all back to him.

Right, I would have thought a woman jogging naked would've been the thing to do ... The man thing is interesting ....lmao. what the fuck was he trying to do? Maybe I'm not as up on the whole sex thing as I thought I was. Maybe I've been missing a trick all these years .... Lmfao.

I'm thinking about this for a minute. I'm absolutely not googling though!!!!

@Lochie662
I think you are right, I feel like I have done something wrong. I am annoyed he wasn't sorry.
My gut feeling is he might be gay or bi?
I found weird porn years ago.
Its so good to offload this.
I would scare the shit out of people jogging on the spot in the buff .

Lmao.... Oh.... I'm not thinking about how I would look, potentially I'd have a couple of black eyes though....

I'm kind of glad he wasn't jogging in your underwear while trying to pee in a glass..... maybe he will accept suggestions for the next video?

He's not sorry because... you can't make him feel shame, his whole life, his whole self image has been created to avoid shame. He will do anything to avoid it, I'm sorry. You , and me, we have to get our own closure.

@Lochie662
Surely its progress that I can laugh.

I might put that suggestion forward lol. May offer up a thong, don't want it back.
He didn't even ask for the phone with all the footage back.
I need closure from this.
Narcasstic and a perv what a catch.
Thanks for helping me laugh.

You need to get a good night's sleep, and you need to shine a light on all this darkness. It's not your fault that any of this happened and you need to let go of any connection you feel to it.

Talk tomorrow. Goodnight xccc

@Lochie662
Thanks for listening.
Hope you sleep well too.
Speak soon xx

You two @Nursing2029, @Lochie662 have made me smile this morning what a funny, supportive, thought-provoking(😮) exchange!! I stupidly broke no-contact and messaged my ex about my results. Now my heart is thumping and I can hardly breathe with anxiety - no reply, but I poked the bear - what a fool🙄
Still ive loads to do today so I cant obsess over it. Hope he just ignores it.
Have a good day you all. Make sure and give yourself one kind thing, and keep putting one foot in front of the other ....
How are you today @wanttofeelsafe?

@heartlikepaper
Morning
Glad we could make you smile, i definitely smiled last night.
Are you okay?
Thanks for the support xx