Guy having long monologues during the date

[IvyMayaZ]

Started Dating great guy. Same goals in life, values, amazing sex, connection....
However, he likes to have a long talks about his passions. For example stars talking about a movie in so much details that he talks for 30mins. If I try to jump in conversation just to ask question he just says “let me finish first I’ll get there”. At the end I feel stupid because he end the conversation and there is nothing else I feel I can contribute with. I am really trying to start conversations myself and I hoped we will get to point where our conversation flow a bit more. He decided yesterday to ask if I have any passions and that he wants us to be 50/50 not him talking all the time (we texted prior meeting for 3months so he knows I’m busy single mum and just like typical things - movie here and there, I study university, go gym - no big passions). I just found it a bit rude - I thought when he talks so much and doesn’t want me to interrupt at all for 30mins he just loves to talk. Any thoughts ?

If you get a chance to speak, does he actually listen, or do his eyes glaze over because he's inwardly planning what he's going to say when you shut up?

Do I know someone like this? Oh yes!

@IvyMayaZ

He went on about Star Trek for 30mins with all the dates when it came out and all names - I never seen even 2mins of it so yea...I was bored (and felt terrible about it)

Oh no. Oh no no no no no.

Life is too short.

He went on about Star Trek for 30mins with all the dates when it came out and all names - I never seen even 2mins of it so yea...I was bored (and felt terrible about it)

That would be your life with him, OP!

Why do you feel terrible about being bored by such boring behaviour? If he'd listened to you for 5 minutes he might have an idea about your passions.

"Honeysugarpie, you asked me yesterday whether I had any passions and that you wants us to be 50/50 not you talking all the time. I've noticed that when you start talking about a topic and I try to contribute you tell me to let you finish. The other day it was 30 mins before I got to speak.'

Then see what he says. That will tell you what you need to know.

Star Trek? Fucking Star Trek? This is worse than I thought.

I mean, I don't mind a bit of retro futurism and recall the hairpieces of Yeoman Janice Rand quite fondly, and Picard's a laugh, but if he's talking about the recent reboots .... run.

JamieLeeCurtains Oh my goodness yes! Those hairpieces!

@Dozer

Yes, OP says she felt ‘terrible’ and ‘stupid’ when HE was the one droning on and boring her!

^^this

I have a tendency to go on at length and I’m very aware of it and try to make sure I pick up on others’ cues, listen to them, talk about things they’re interested in.

Its never occurred to me to put the blame on others and try to get them to talk more so I don’t feel bad about my own tendency to go on at length

He sounds rather self unaware and/or socially inept. That’s not to say he’s a bad person in any way...just that he seems to lack the insight to understand that this monologue approach to conversation is overbearing and dull.

I doubt he’ll ever change...this is what you’ll get every day for years and potentially the rest of your life. What’s more, he’ll get offended when you’re not interested and don’t listen. People like that never grasp how monotonous and demanding they are.

For me it’s a no brainer. He’d be kindly dispersed with and quickly. I don’t have the hours to boost someone’s ego by listening to drivel for regular and prolonged periods as they describe a film I’m not interested in in minute detail.
Shut up and fuck off.

Dp would monologue at me for hours if I let him. He regularly gets told things like "I will tear off my own ears and stuff them down your throat if you don't stop talking at me".
Luckily, he knows he can be an insufferable bore, and doesn't take himself too seriously. I really couldn't put up with him if he did.
The only good thing about it is the fact that it was good practice for having a talkative four-year-old.

Seriously, run away. He will drive you completely nuts.

There you go then. Tell him your specialist subject is now the hairstyles of Yeoman Janice Rand. Talk at him for 30 minutes about them, their use of plaiting, bee hive techniques, and shiny hairstyles.

Show him pictures.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Janice_Rand

Photo here

You should definitely make Janice Rands hair your specialist subject that would be v funny.
Time it to the minute as well. ...
He might dump you as well so it's a win win situation.

Goodness me what product do they use to get that weave arrangement to stay in place?

I would want to kill him, and so will you in short order. He sounds completely self-absorbed and I highly doubt this will ever change. I would bet that even if you were able to get a word in edgewise, he would quickly commandeer the conversation again.

If you run out of things to say about Janice Rand's hair, although frankly I can't imagine how that's possible, you could neatly segue into Nurse Christine Chapel and how she died her hair blonde and was Gene Rodenberry's girlfriend when she got the role.

Show him more pictures.

Discussion of Star Trek/Wars does not usually result in sex afterwards... you’re way too nice & I doubt he was actually that good in bed.

dyed ffs

Agree with pp

Utterly self absorbed

I could bore on for ages about things I enjoy but I don't because that's just rude

Most men have been like this since I was 15. A couple of times I’ve been told “I only want you to sit there, shut up and look pretty”

The reason why I’m still single is because I don’t give guys like this a chance. If he monologues at me, never asks me questions etc I literally do not want to know. It’s so disrespectful. I feel sometimes like you could swap me for a cardboard cut out midway through the conversation and these so called “men” (really spoiled, indulged children in an adult body) would never notice.

I could never sleep with someone like that, no matter how attractive. I want a relationship that’s going to enhance my life not make it worse!

30 mins on Star Trek is above and beyond. How boring. If he’s this selfish I’m surprised he’s good in bed.
Still least it stops him talking.
Just tell him to shut up stop going in about shit ffs.

Why waste your time with him? If the sex is good have sex but I wouldn’t be trying to have conversations with someone who can’t even monologue properly (there are so many interesting things to say about Star trek no of which involve listing dates!).

30 minutes on Star Trek!! What were you doing, sitting patiently with a polite smile on your face?. If my DH talks for more than five minutes on any subject without it being a proper two way conversation I would just leave the room.

I have a family member like this. I get the remote for the tv and press it at her. The first time I did it she didn't get it so I said "I'm trying to fast forward to the interesting bit" so now she gets, it and wraps things up quicker. I have no time for boring people.

My ex was like that. The one thing I was grateful to the OW for was that she was interested in his dronings so she got him off my ears back.

OP, the fact that you not contributing is an issue for him means he is trying to put the blame on you yet he is the sole cause. Be careful.

Bloody Hell, no!

Life is too short for that shite.

Ditch and move on.