Guy having long monologues during the date

[IvyMayaZ]

Started Dating great guy. Same goals in life, values, amazing sex, connection....
However, he likes to have a long talks about his passions. For example stars talking about a movie in so much details that he talks for 30mins. If I try to jump in conversation just to ask question he just says “let me finish first I’ll get there”. At the end I feel stupid because he end the conversation and there is nothing else I feel I can contribute with. I am really trying to start conversations myself and I hoped we will get to point where our conversation flow a bit more. He decided yesterday to ask if I have any passions and that he wants us to be 50/50 not him talking all the time (we texted prior meeting for 3months so he knows I’m busy single mum and just like typical things - movie here and there, I study university, go gym - no big passions). I just found it a bit rude - I thought when he talks so much and doesn’t want me to interrupt at all for 30mins he just loves to talk. Any thoughts ?

I even tried a flashing badge that said 'ask me what I do', but they ignored that too. that’s hilarious but also infuriating!

OP next time he stops you and says “let me finish” I’d say “no, you’ve been droning on for 20 minutes now and I’d like to be able to get a word in. It’s difficult to have a conversation when you dominate it. If you want an audience do a TED talk. If you want a relationship you need to let me speak too”.

But yeah. LTB this won’t work!

Sorry I forgot to say the important part - that a man who won't let you take the piss a bit isn't a man you really want to be with.

🤣Colm on Derry girls made me laugh!

This would be a big fat “no thanks”.

It’s self centred, selfish and a total disregard for you ...blatant desire grad for you.

No.

Couldn't stand it myself.
There was one guy who was interested on me as a partner who used to go on and on and on about......himself mainly or the exciting experiences he had had.

I knew all about his family. ..his history...etc....and all that time never asked me one question about myself!
Sometimes he even used to go 'wait on....wait on' so that he could get to the end if whatever boring anecdote he was spouting without a word from me.
In fact he is still single. .SURPRISE!!

I’ve known a chap like this: amazing sexual connection but afterwards liked nothing better than to launch into lengthy and detailed anecdotes about not much. He sort of knows he does it! Either take the relationship for the good bits or tell him you feel railroaded in conversation. He’s not ‘reading the room’ from your description. It could be wanting to feel significant, could be pressure to fill time, anything. He is likely to annoy more people than you so explaining the impact of his behaviour on you might be helpful to him generally.

There are so many men like this. I think they've been over-indulged by their parents and think that everyone else is going to be just as fascinated by everything they say and do, too.

Firstly, I bet you’re passionate about something - whether that be your children, or a particular cause that is important to you.

Second I bet this bloke is a dickhead & the reason you can’t verbalise what you’re passionate about is because he is pontificating about his passion for foreign films & you feel you have to match him with a passion for a particular pursuit.

You could have answered “chocolate” I’d you like - passionate about removing all forms of orange flavoured chocolate from the shelves because it’s a disgrace to the chocolate community or something facetious.

He sounds insufferable - who goes on a 30min diatribe & insists they be allowed to finish? Your poor face having to make an interested facial expression to him while you feigned interest in him discussing the plot of a movie you haven’t even seen. I assumed he spoilt the movie for you too.

I don't contribute to conversations because I don't get a chance.

Conversations are supposed to be two-way, but you talk at me - and if I do try to participate, you tell me to wait because you are still talking.

You seem to feel that whatever I have to say is less important than what's on your mind, and you don't appreciate it if I do interject. I don't want this to sound unkind, but it's not me that needs to work on my conversational skills.

He went on about Star Trek for 30mins with all the dates when it came out and all names - I never seen even 2mins of it so yea...I was bored (and felt terrible about it)

You don't contribute enough to conversations? I would point out to him that a monologue is the opposite of a conversation and I would run for the hills. The monologues are a red flag that is he is self absorbed and selfish and he is going to act this way over a lot more than conversations! I am a bit of a nerd about the things I feel passionate about and I can go on but I normally apologise and shut my gob when I see someone's eyes glazing over and it takes a lot less time than 30 minutes! 30 minutes is a long time to be talked at and he actually insists on carrying on if you try to interrupt?! He's a dickhead, OP, don't waste anymore time on him.

“let me finish first I’ll get there”

Imagine hearing a man saying that to you for the rest of your life? You know what to do.

I think it’s time to cut him loose OP. Amazing sex won’t make up for an insufferable bore. 30 minutes monologues 😦 you may not mind listening to now but think a few months on and your poor kid will have to listen too.
💐

Why should you feel terrible about feeling bored?! Being talked at is boring for anyone, regardless of the subject. He is being very ignorant!

Maybe just start your own monologue at the same time. See what happens. Like when politicians do that thing where they don’t want to be the first to stop talking.

Oh god, anyone going on about sci-fi like that would have to be earth shatteringly good in bed.

Selfishness or mild personality disorder.

Pity but I doubt he can change.

Surprised sex is good tbh with that type of personality.

That’s ridiculous, please stop you are starting to make XH sound like good company !
Seriously though even he wouldn’t have talked at length about something he knew I had no idea about that sounds weird. There’s too great a gap between speaking about Star Trek for 30 minutes and normal but a bit of a selfish conversationalist- end it

Beyond boring and dull.

Cut your losses OP.

He is full of himself.

That is who he is.

Tell him the Trouble With Tribbles was your favourite episode. He will dump you!

Urgh, no.

As for his goals and values, you really DON’T know what those actually are yet. Don’t kid yourself on that score.

@IvyMayaZ

He went on about Star Trek for 30mins with all the dates when it came out and all names - I never seen even 2mins of it so yea...I was bored (and felt terrible about it)

Why did YOU feel terrible about it? He was droning on about something you had zero interest in. He was rude and self indulgent.

Honestly this 'feeling terrible' thing...
We have been so socialised as women to nod and smile and look interested if a man is talking haven't we?
Would we tolerate a female friend talking at us like that?

Yes, OP says she felt ‘terrible’ and ‘stupid’ when HE was the one droning on and boring her!

I wonder whether he would sit patiently while you went on about something he had zero interest in for 30 minutes