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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need urgent mortgage help

253 replies

Help1307 · 13/07/2020 21:34

We are buying a new house and current house is joint (both earned equally until I had DS2). I was doing bedtime with screaming tired DC and DH asked me to sign a paper saying oh it’s nothing just about how house is shared between us. I signed.

Just seen the email he sent to solicitors and opened the attachment which tbh I wouldn’t usually do bc I trust him and it is now saying we are buying as tenants in common - him 80pc and me 20pc.

Wtf does this mean?

If we buy the new house and we divorce - does this override the fact that we have been together 19 years and have 2 DC?

Does it override fact that normally assets would be split?

Or would it mean that if ever we did divorce I really would only get 20pc of house?

I can’t understand why he has done this. I only earn less than him now as went part after second DS. Otherwise for last 19 years we’ve been pretty much equal.

I’m mad and I don’t even know if I should be.

Am I potentially losing money from last 19 years or just extra that would be paid in respect of new house?

Thank you

OP posts:
Brenna24 · 18/07/2020 21:43

I am so sorry that your life has been turned upside down like this overnight. Well do e on being so decisive. How has he taken your decision?

Adelais · 19/07/2020 08:00

So sorry op, what a deceitful dickhead. Do you know who the ‘witnesses’ are that signed the document? Friends of his?

JovialNickname · 20/07/2020 03:11

So sorry this has happened to you OP - this is honestly one of the worst things I've ever heard.

But well done you for picking up on it. For knowing something was wrong, and then noticing and checking the document (I know you already had been coerced into signing it). That was a fantastic thing. Thank god something inside you told you to check and well done!!

About the witness, if he could trick you into signing as his wife he was probably well able to manipulate someone else. The mention of them not being allowed to be physically present due to Covid, the inconvenience that would cause and the smiling reassurance that you'd been married for nearly 20 years and of course it wasn't necessary... would probably have his well-chosen victim quickly signing on the dotted line thinking hey we're doing the right thing.

SiouxWarrior · 20/07/2020 08:13

If it was above board he would have had a conversation with you about it not hoodwinked you into signing something. Also on what basis has he done the split? Again, he could have come to you and had a conversation showing exactly how he had arrived at the 80:20 split. Glad you found out early and so sorry you are going through this.

Lozzerbmc · 20/07/2020 14:04

How are you OP? Hope you are bearing upFlowers

Original poster
Help1307 · 12/08/2020 22:43

Things have gone from horrific to soul destroying and I’m sorry to ask but I need more advice. I’ve now exhausted my free advice and until I have my own bank account and at least one month’s salary paid into it, I am trapped from getting my own legal advice but timing is horrendous.

I’ve pulled out of house purchase and DH and I don’t actually look like we will survive this. The financial / mortgage stuff is just the top of the iceberg.

Question is, if I go through with exchanging on my home and taking half the money am I better or worse off than if I insist on staying in the family until DC are older. DH clearly has enough money to buy his own place. If I take half the money, I can’t afford same area, standard of living etc (it’s not grand or anything now but it would be a big drop).

Or can I stand firm and stay put and refuse to sell? It is a horrible thing to do to our buyers and feel we are so far in this process but that can’t be the only reason to sell?

Feel like my whole world has come crashing down and I don’t know what to do. A month ago we were buying our dream home and now here I am. So devastated I can barely eat, I feel sick and I can’t think.

OP posts:
Rosieposy4 · 12/08/2020 22:49

Can you afford the mortgage on your existing place ( taking into account maintenance payments) if so, i would stay put.
Best wishes Op, really feel for you.

SuperficialSuzie · 12/08/2020 22:50

OP I believe that you could apply for a Mesher order as part of a divorce, which effectively means that you can stay in the house until a set point in the future (eg when the youngest child is 18) so long as you can pay the mortgage and upkeep

www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-jan-apr-2018/mesher-orders-explained/

BuffaloCauliflower · 12/08/2020 23:02

You poor thing. This is horrendous deceit. I would pull out of selling as well, your buyers are not your concern right now and there’s so many unknowns here I’d try and keep things as simple as possible. Stay put, and try and secure the home for you and your DCs.

DianaT1969 · 12/08/2020 23:06

Sorry about your situation OP. I'm unable to give legal advice, but my gut would be to not sell, stay in the house while a divorce settlement is worked out and take your time. I believe both of uour pensions would be taken into account. You don't want him being able to liquidate assets at this point as he may try to hide the money.

LilyWater · 12/08/2020 23:14

So sorry you're going through this OP. Regarding your husband - just no words. I would sit tight in your and your children's home for now. Yes, unfortunate for the buyers but your family has a much more pressing need right now and they will always find another place to buy. Could you get free advice specifically on this issue from a different solicitor offering a free 30/60 mins consultation? Flowers

DelphiniumBlue · 12/08/2020 23:18

If you exchange, you will have to move out - and it doesn't sound as if you have money to rent anywhere right now.
H will pressure you into agreeing to accept half to get the deal through - will that give you enough to buy somewhere big enough for you and the DC? I think you do'nt want to be making long term arrangements in a hurry. You will need full financial disclosure from H before you even think about what to accept, and I suspect he will be hiding funds.
You may well be entitled to considerably more than half ( of everything, including pensions) on the basis that your earning potential has been diminished by having and looking after the children, as well as having lost actual years earning and pension contributions. Don't agree to anything until you have had written disclosure from him as to all his assets, and have had proper legal advice.
The alternative is that you do go ahead with the sale, but instruct the solicitors to freeze the funds pending a court order. You'd then have to find somewhere to live - and again you need legal advice to negotiate that. And that will take time.
You know now that he is sneaky and has already tried to do you over. Do not trust him, he has shown what he is like.
It's a shame for the buyers, but their lives are not being pulled apart like yours is.

LilyWater · 12/08/2020 23:25

Did he say why he did what he did ?

SerendipitySunshine · 12/08/2020 23:29

Stay put. He is separating your assets to his benefit. Are you sure he isnt planning a new life?

Comtesse · 12/08/2020 23:51

It will be awful for your buyers if you pull out but too bad, sales fall through all the time for all sorts of reasons. Do what you need to do Flowers

harper30 · 13/08/2020 00:02

No advice just here to give a hand hold OP, have just RTFT and it's horrendous I can't believe how you've been treated. Is there anyone who can help you with the legal fees for now? Family or friends?
Hope you are ok x

notapizzaeater · 13/08/2020 00:17

Absolutely stay out fir now, you need a.pn agreement before you sell (if you sell)

2bazookas · 13/08/2020 00:34

Immediately send an email to the solicitors (as you're both owners, they are acting for you too) and tell them you were not aware of or informed this split, and don't agree to it. Tell them you will not proceed with the property purchase until it's been sorted out. Press send.

Then invite DH to explain what the hell he's playing at.

SusieOwl4 · 13/08/2020 00:48

Besides the financial situation you have to sort I think you have to think of the children for now and if you are going to divorce do they need the upheaval of a move ?

I think you need to stick it out until you get legal advice .

DarklyDreamingDexter · 13/08/2020 00:48

Stay put. Yes, it’s unfortunate for your buyers, but you can’t put yours and your children’s entire financial security at risk just to be accommodating to complete strangers. Your husband’s behaviour is truly shocking, particularly if it’s come out of the blue. Absolute financial abuse. He’s actually tried to defraud you by using false paperwork. You need that legal advice ASAP.

redastherose · 13/08/2020 00:52

People pull out of house purchases and sales all the time for much poorer reasons. Just contact your solicitor and tell them you can't proceed. Depending on the contract you signed you and your husband may have to pay the Estate Agents fee or part of it and you will need to pay your solicitor for the work to date but that is a joint expense so your H will have to pay as well. If you will struggle to rent in the same area for your children to remain at their schools then you will be better off staying put for now until you can get legal advice.

SatanicDesk · 13/08/2020 00:57

Op don’t worry about your buyers right now, think of yourself and your kids.
Fwiw I lost a house just before exchange last year - I’ve found another one.
Stay strong

RandomMess · 13/08/2020 07:51

I think you are better staying put because you will be likely awarded more than 50% of the current home because the courts look at need and ability to house yourselves. He can afford to house himself and FC without 50% you may not be able to.

People pull out of house sales and purchases all the time.

Climbingallthetrees · 13/08/2020 07:55

Definitely stay put. You may well get more than 50% in the divorce settlement. You don’t usually have to pay upfront for solicitors, you can go and get advice now and pay when you get paid.

ChampagneCommunist · 13/08/2020 07:57

Stay put. If you divorce, it will be harder to rehash the finances of you have already done this without proper advice