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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need urgent mortgage help

253 replies

Help1307 · 13/07/2020 21:34

We are buying a new house and current house is joint (both earned equally until I had DS2). I was doing bedtime with screaming tired DC and DH asked me to sign a paper saying oh it’s nothing just about how house is shared between us. I signed.

Just seen the email he sent to solicitors and opened the attachment which tbh I wouldn’t usually do bc I trust him and it is now saying we are buying as tenants in common - him 80pc and me 20pc.

Wtf does this mean?

If we buy the new house and we divorce - does this override the fact that we have been together 19 years and have 2 DC?

Does it override fact that normally assets would be split?

Or would it mean that if ever we did divorce I really would only get 20pc of house?

I can’t understand why he has done this. I only earn less than him now as went part after second DS. Otherwise for last 19 years we’ve been pretty much equal.

I’m mad and I don’t even know if I should be.

Am I potentially losing money from last 19 years or just extra that would be paid in respect of new house?

Thank you

OP posts:
granadagirl · 16/07/2020 22:19

So so happy you pulled out

I bet he’s fuming that you pulled the rug from under him and his deceitful plan
Gee if he can do that to someone he supposed to love
What would he do to someone he didn’t like?

I’d get down to the bank and ask for a bank statement for the last 3 months.
If you don’t know what’s happening bank wise
I’d also go on a search of the house for anything he may have hidden, no place uncovered

You really couldn’t stay with him after this
This is worse than being cheated on op.

You take your time, do not spill to him what your thinking
He will try to be one step ahead

I’d personally want to poison the bastard.

granadagirl · 16/07/2020 22:22

Well actually
I’d put my last pound on it
That there is a woman in the background
Sorry xx

CrimsonCattery · 16/07/2020 22:46

How awful for you. Flowers

ladymary86 · 16/07/2020 23:42

OP I honestly think this is one of the worst things I've ever read on MN! The CF-ery of your H is astounding!
I can't believe he got someone to pre-sign the witness box on a legal document!!! Do you know who the person is who did that??
It's utterly disgraceful and completely unforgivable! I hope you are OK 💐

BertNErnie · 17/07/2020 00:13

There are no words.
I'm so sorry. What a bastard.

REignbow · 17/07/2020 01:57

He is a disgrace.

It might be an inheritance he has been given, but you have been married a long time and have DC. He’s not only tried to screw you over but also his children!

Also, you both work FT (and a four day a week is near enough FT), but you do all the housework (wife work), take responsibility for your DC and still contribute 50/50 in regards to the expenses......

I think you need you to look at your relationship because it’s unbalanced in his favour.

If he can be this deceitful in regards to this, what else is he hiding?

caringcarer · 17/07/2020 02:41

I would ring solicitor and say you were tricked into signing. You want to retract. It sounds like he will get you to move then leave and claim 80 per cent of equity in new house. That would be a marriage breaker for me and I would not only divorce him but try to take him for every penny I could. I would also inform his family and friends what he did to you too. He is a 100 per cent basta*d.

caringcarer · 17/07/2020 02:58

Open a bank account in your own name OP. Get your fucks in a row. Keep a hold of marriage certificate. Seek out his pension statements as well as your own. I would be checking out his FB and phone pics and messages. He is almost certainly having an affair and planning on leaving once he gets new house 80 per cent in his name. Act to protect yourself. Now he knows you have caught him red handed he will be on his guard.

caringcarer · 17/07/2020 03:03

It does not sound like he is even ashamed of his shit behaviour. 19 years of marriage clearly means nothing to him.

timeisnotaline · 17/07/2020 03:53

I’m so glad you’ve pulled out. What a shitty shitty thing to do, I couldn’t ever get past it. Just to add, If I worked 4 days and also did all childcare and house work I’d divorce my husband on that basis as obviously he’d be a crappy husband and dad. (We both work FT and split the house and parenting work) so maybe this is useful to see
It wasn’t a great relationship anyway and you won’t lose out by letting go of it.

timeisnotaline · 17/07/2020 03:55

Can you report the witness to someone? Are they in a professional body? They have committed fraud and conspired to defraud you of legitimately owned assets. Serve them fucking right if there are consequences.

GhostOfMe · 17/07/2020 04:45

It's great to see you've withdrawn from the purchase OP. Thanks for updating. Taking some space to process and work out where you are now sounds like a good idea. This must be a massive shock and so hurtful for you.

ivfdreaming · 17/07/2020 05:39

I have a tenancy in coming mortgage with my DH because I put down the majority of the deposit and at the time was paying the majority of the mortgage. Then we got married. Marriage overrides the 80/20 split somewhat in that the house becomes a marital asset and so liable to be split 50/50 - the tenancy in common bit is only really relevant with what you do in your will if you die. I've left it on there as the house is the biggest asset we own so that in the event I died first my share is left to the kids - DH couldn't then remarry and leave everything to his new wife who could in turn will it all to her kids therefore leaving my kids with nothing from the house that I paid into

overlooker · 17/07/2020 06:01

Wow. This is absolutely terrible. So glad you pulled out. What was his reaction at that point? Thank god you read that email!!
He obviously wants out of the marriage. Stay put. Get advice on how to get him out of the house. Are you 50/50 on this house?

hellsbellsmelons · 17/07/2020 07:32

Well done OP.
Take your time now.
There no rush to make any decisions.
Has he given proper reasons for being so deceitful and underhand?
You need the truth.
Also sending ((((HUGS)))) your way.

RandomMess · 17/07/2020 07:59

@ivfdreaming this isn't the case here because they married first and it is his inheritance and you can ring fence inheritance you receive even when married. The op has sought legal advice!!

FizzyGreenWater · 17/07/2020 09:46

He had the witness box pre signed and I just had to sign my name. So people clearly are prepared to witness things they’ve not actually witnessing

I wonder if you could start dropping into conversation that you are exploring legal options on his intent to defraud you.

You can't forgive this no - you would be an absolute fool to. He isn't who you thought he was. And think about it - either, you can be pretty sure that the children would remain with you for the majority of the time if you split so he was fully intending to defraud them out of the rights to their own home if you split... OR he would have seen himself using his fraud to strip you of assets to the point where, if you split, he's end up having the children as he'd made sure that you couldn't afford to house them :(

As everyone else on here has said, marriage makes you legally a team, a unit. It's for the protection of everyone but the children most of all. He's a fraudster who was out to cut you out of your legal, financial rights. Absolutely horrendous, and totally illegal.

Don't feel you need to do anything quickly - EXCEPT FOR ONE THING. If you have a very good local family solicitor, have a consultation with them NOW. Because then, they won't be able to act for your husband.

Right now, you don't just have rights to 50% of your assets, you have a right to more as you'll remain primary carer for the children.

Don't give up a penny of those rights for this nasty shark.

Sit tight, let everything sink in, tune him out. Just be for a bit and get a handle on the shock you've had.

Then - get that very very good solicitor and divorce him. You can do it, you should do it. And you'll get more than 50%

Unreasonable behaviour? How about fraud - wow, that will be a good one for the divorce form eh?

Someone I am close to divorced with young children, she'd not even contributed anywhere near equally as he had a property before their marriage which was then sold to fund their home. But, she'd given up her careeer for the kids. She got over 70% of the house worth and half his pension.

Gazelda · 17/07/2020 09:52

OP, can you go to stay with family or friends for the weekend (with DC) while you get your head together?

It must be so stressful trying to process this while he's sharing the same home as you.
Take care of yourself Thanks

TirisfalPumpkin · 17/07/2020 10:16

Just been reading with my mouth open. Unbelievable deceit. Very well done, OP, for acting decisively. I don’t really know what to say. Where do they grow these men?

TryAnotherNickname · 17/07/2020 10:42

I’ve known men to instigate divorce immediately on moving to a new house in the basis they then argue that the new house is not the marital home. One got away with it on the basis that the intention had been to fix it up and flip it so even though the family lived in it, it was treated as a business asset as they’d only been in it for a week before divorce proceedings started. With the added declaration of trust in his favour, it stinks to high heaven
(On the flip side, the OW rushed through a house purchase with her husband’s signature on the mortgage documents while she was knees deep in her affair; she needed to have a marital home to claim after a decade of renting)

SerendipitySunshine · 17/07/2020 13:59

He sounds like an utter shit. Well done for realising before it was too late.

VanGoghsDog · 17/07/2020 15:23

@TryAnotherNickname

I’ve known men to instigate divorce immediately on moving to a new house in the basis they then argue that the new house is not the marital home. One got away with it on the basis that the intention had been to fix it up and flip it so even though the family lived in it, it was treated as a business asset as they’d only been in it for a week before divorce proceedings started. With the added declaration of trust in his favour, it stinks to high heaven (On the flip side, the OW rushed through a house purchase with her husband’s signature on the mortgage documents while she was knees deep in her affair; she needed to have a marital home to claim after a decade of renting)
My bil did similar to my sister. Sold marital home, moved to rented to wait for the right house to come up (kids had left home, 'they' wanted a certain type of house in a certain location, so being in cash would give them better prospects as buyers......), used equity to pay his debts, then left her.
Jessy2903 · 17/07/2020 16:19

You have done the right thing pulling out of the purchase, to be honest it sounds like he's trying to get prepared for the future- I.e, a plan that would actually mean leaving you and getting his 80% otherwise he wouldn't have done it!
There is not a chance I would ever forgive my husband for that!

middleeasternpromise · 18/07/2020 19:03

This is unbelievable, I bet he tries to gaslight you into believing you're overeating. If it's a non issue why go to such lengths to prevent you knowing? Trust your instincts they were clearly hard at work when he made his move on this plan of deception.

Lacey2019 · 18/07/2020 20:06

I had this once as my then partner paid more into the house. But the fact he hasn’t asked you or had the conversation, is a big no no