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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need urgent mortgage help

253 replies

Help1307 · 13/07/2020 21:34

We are buying a new house and current house is joint (both earned equally until I had DS2). I was doing bedtime with screaming tired DC and DH asked me to sign a paper saying oh it’s nothing just about how house is shared between us. I signed.

Just seen the email he sent to solicitors and opened the attachment which tbh I wouldn’t usually do bc I trust him and it is now saying we are buying as tenants in common - him 80pc and me 20pc.

Wtf does this mean?

If we buy the new house and we divorce - does this override the fact that we have been together 19 years and have 2 DC?

Does it override fact that normally assets would be split?

Or would it mean that if ever we did divorce I really would only get 20pc of house?

I can’t understand why he has done this. I only earn less than him now as went part after second DS. Otherwise for last 19 years we’ve been pretty much equal.

I’m mad and I don’t even know if I should be.

Am I potentially losing money from last 19 years or just extra that would be paid in respect of new house?

Thank you

OP posts:
BlessYourCottonSocks · 13/07/2020 22:49

I can't imagine how you feel, OP. This would be the end of the marriage for me. What an utterly cowardly and underhand way to try and cheat you out of your rights.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 13/07/2020 22:52

Did you put equal amounts into your current house in terms of deposit? The reason I ask is when my husband and I bought our first house together I had £80000 of equity to put in, we had £20000 mutual savings and he only had £3000 personal savings. So we discussed it and agreed we would go in as tenants in common but purely for the deposit. So if we divorced we would each get what we put in and split the profit equally. That's because my equity had come from inheritance before I met him. So it can work in some situations. Your situation sounds very different and I would be very hurt and angry that he's tried to pull a fast one, it's sneaky, like he's planning an exit strategy and one that shafts you!

PicklePig31 · 13/07/2020 22:53

As PP’s have said...

  1. Ring the solicitors first thing and retract everything
  1. Then speak to him. This is my first ever LTB. What an absolute wanker. Lowest of the low.

Are you sure he isn’t cheating/has another life you don’t know about. I’d do some snooping tonight before speaking to him tomorrow.

Witchofzog · 13/07/2020 22:55

This is absolutely awful op and thank goodness you opened the attachment. He has behaved in a sneaky underhand way and it would not surprise me if there were more shocks around the corner, inparticularly another woman. I am so sorry you are dealing with this op. You deserve so much better after 19 years of marriage

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/07/2020 22:57

Are you sure he isn’t cheating/has another life you don’t know about. I’d do some snooping tonight before speaking to him tomorrow

I was about to post the same; the whole thing - and the way he did, it, sneaking it in while OP was distracted - stinks to high heaven

Luckily it's not gone too far since the "new house" purchase doesn't seem to be completed yet, but I'd be doing nothing before speaking with a solicitor

Original poster
Help1307 · 13/07/2020 22:57

Someone asked me a relevant question on the legal thread and response relevant here if anyone has advice on this.

In current house everything is absolutely equal - we’ve both put in exactly the same.

Current house equity makes up just over a third of the new house price. A joint mortgage makes up another third (but I earn 8k less than him a year) and he has inheritance that makes up just under a third.

So on this basis tenants in common would be normal?

But surely the spilt shouldn’t be 80/20?

I’m just so mad about how I signed the stupid paper. But feel better from the advice that says If we haven’t exchanged we can rescind this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Help1307 · 13/07/2020 23:05

I should add as well that in 19 years it’s all been equal until last year when I went on mat leave and earned less for a year. After DC1 I went back early. I’ve now gone back 4 days a week only so one day I can have little ones off nursery for a day. I do all childcare, all housework, all mealtimes, all everything and I am in shock I think.

I’ve got my email ready to send to solicitor but won’t send until the morning when I can speak to him as soon as sent it.

Trying to stay calm as don’t want to turn this into a mountain if it’s not :(

OP posts:
TrickyKid · 13/07/2020 23:09

Bloody hell. 19yrs together and he tries this. This is very sad. I'd be very worried about was he has planned. Never sign documents you've not actually read!

Witchofzog · 13/07/2020 23:09

The worse thing in my mind about this is that he is trying to steal the equity that you also paid towards equally. This is not a nice man. Please don't say we. This is not the action of a man who is thinking about being a team with his wife. This is a man who is out for what he can get for him. You must be reeling right now

DollyPomPoms · 13/07/2020 23:11

This would be the end of the marriage for me.

He has been incredibly deceitful. Tenants in common is actually a good idea...but with equal percentages!

HollowTalk · 13/07/2020 23:14

That's really appalling. I'm glad you're contacting a solicitor tomorrow. He made you sign that under deliberately false pretences.

I'd want out of the marriage for that. Tbh it sounds as though he has plans of his own on that. Has he shown signs of having an affair?

Shmithecat2 · 13/07/2020 23:15

LTB. I don't work, I'm a SAHM, DH pays for everything, but he wouldn't dream of doing this to me. What a shitty, underhand thing to do.

instaclicks · 13/07/2020 23:17

That'd be it for me too. For the length f time you've been together everything should be equal. Not to mention the deceit. I wouldn't be able to forgive. Please get it stopped

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/07/2020 23:21

he has inheritance that makes up just under a third

Even if he wanted to protect his inheritance that doesn't come to anything like an 80/20 split - and anyway it would be a hell of a thing to do after 19 years

I'm truly sorry but it really does sound as if he has plans you know nothing about, so putting off that next house purchase may be no bad thing

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 13/07/2020 23:24

Don't be mad at yourself for signing. Redirect that anger to the one who really deserves it. You're right, the ratio is not fair - but more importantly, this should be a joint decision. That is why people are getting suspicious of what else he's up to. He's just shown that he's not on your team. And that he thinks he's about four times as important as you. Hmm

Patch23042 · 13/07/2020 23:24

This is seriously deceitful.

Jeremyironsnothing · 13/07/2020 23:41

I know a woman whose husband did this.

They had split previously and as they had kids she was entitled to stay in the marital house. She could afford the mortgage payments with the maintenance. His share of the equity was therefore going to be tied up until the youngest child was 18.

He persuaded her to try again and immediately said he wanted a new start in a new house. They bought a bigger house with a bigger mortgage. Of course he left her almost immediately after. She couldn't afford the new mortgage so he got his original wish and forced a sale and got his hands on the equity. It was of course an unequal share in his favour. He'd made sure of that. She could have challenged everything but as he was self employed he had money hidden all over the place and he also threatened that if it took every last penny, he'd fight her. She gave up for the sake of her mental health. She was royally screwed over.

Original poster
Help1307 · 13/07/2020 23:46

That’s making me feel pretty sick tbh and my anxiety is currently through the roof. Just need to hold it together until I speak to a solicitor to stop this

OP posts:
Belowwreck · 13/07/2020 23:51

You need to send that email right now. Don't wait. You are not making a mountain.

You know in your gut this is wrong and if you wait you give your DH the opportunity to convince you otherwise.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 14/07/2020 00:03

In the morning will be fine. Like you said, OP, best to send it when you're ready to talk to him about it.

Try to get some sleep. I'm sure that's not easy.

Alonelonelyloner · 14/07/2020 00:03

Oh OP, this is just sickening. I cannot believe a person can so cold-bloodedly do what this seems like.

Don't just call the solicitors, but start going through any paperwork, general legal and financial
Stuff to make sure you and the kids are secure and maybe try and find out Wtaf he's playing at. That said I'm not sure I'd get through the night without confronting him.

granadagirl · 14/07/2020 00:05

God I don’t know how you’ve kept your cool
I’d be fucking screaming at him
That is 100% pure dishonest

Well I tell you want I don’t know how your going to manage sleeping with him in bed tonight
He’s shafted you
Thank god you read the attachment
One fucking bastard, so angry I’d want to slap him

Does he have much free time ?
I’d defo say he’s got something up his sleeve
Why would you do that otherwise?

Boohoohoohooho · 14/07/2020 00:11

What a bastard!

Crosswithlifeatm · 14/07/2020 00:14

If it's to protect his inheritance then you should have seen a solicitor together,talked about it and agreed to it.80/20 is ridiculous and the ways he's done is deceitful and underhand.I would be calling off the house sale,you are about to have your life turned upside down.

VanGoghsDog · 14/07/2020 00:14

In a divorce it wouldn't really be much of an issue as a house is a marital asset.

The problem comes when one of you dies. If he dies first he could have made a will saying his 80% goes to Marge at number 19, and then you probably have to sell for her to realise her share and you lose 30% of the asset.

The massive issue, of course, is that he has done this deceitfully and is clearly trying to limit your assets in the relationship and, quite apart from how horribly that is on its own, looks as if he already has a split on his mind.