Need urgent mortgage help

[Help1307]

We are buying a new house and current house is joint (both earned equally until I had DS2). I was doing bedtime with screaming tired DC and DH asked me to sign a paper saying oh it’s nothing just about how house is shared between us. I signed.

Just seen the email he sent to solicitors and opened the attachment which tbh I wouldn’t usually do bc I trust him and it is now saying we are buying as tenants in common - him 80pc and me 20pc.

Wtf does this mean?

If we buy the new house and we divorce - does this override the fact that we have been together 19 years and have 2 DC?

Does it override fact that normally assets would be split?

Or would it mean that if ever we did divorce I really would only get 20pc of house?

I can’t understand why he has done this. I only earn less than him now as went part after second DS. Otherwise for last 19 years we’ve been pretty much equal.

I’m mad and I don’t even know if I should be.

Am I potentially losing money from last 19 years or just extra that would be paid in respect of new house?

Thank you

@EvilPea

I had to go to an independent solicitor to witness my deed of trust. They explained it to me, made sure I understood the implications and I signed it.

The conveyancing solicitor couldn’t do it as they weren’t impartial... but this was 15 /20 odd years ago

Someone from our conveyancer's firm drafted ours (this was just under 2 years ago), although it was a different person than dealt with us usually. We signed it at home and had friends witness it.

If it were that kind of situation I can imagine that some people might be relaxed about witnessing even if they saw only him signing it - if he took the document into work with OP's signature already on it, for example. It's not beyond the realms of possibility. You don't tend to expect that someone's trying to dick over their spouse.

Wow 😮

This is so underhand. You cannot agree to this.

I am a SAHM and have been for 15 years. I am on the mortgage and the deeds on this house and have been on all previous houses. I worked and contributed both before and after children and that enabled us to buy the next house. As a SAHM I have facilitated Dh's career by providing childcare for the children. His concern is always the children and me.

I wonder if you inherited £200k whether he would see that as yours or a marital asset? Dh has inherited twice, small amounts but both times it benefitted us as a family.

I am appalled that the solicitor dealing with the purchase has allowed this new 80/20 split. I would be contacting that firm and asking for clarification as to why you were not notified of this.

I hope your appointment went well today and that the road ahead is clearer for you.

Thank you everyone for your support and the wonderful advice you’ve given.

I’m sorry for silence but the last 2 days have been pretty harrowing. I met the solicitor today and this deed would override anything although could be challenged in the courts. I am not prepared to test this.

I have pulled out of the house sale and purchase and have decided to stay put until I can get my head around the bigger issues at hand here, basically my marriage. I feel it is too soon to sell and take my share as I haven’t ever considered this and have nothing in place for the future.

DH isn’t being open with regards to finances and at the moment I need to establish my financial position.

I don’t think what DH has done is forgivable.

Ladycarlotta - this is exactly what happened. He had the witness box pre signed and I just had to sign my name. So people clearly are prepared to witness things they’ve not actually witnessing. It’s a disgrace.

Massive unMumsnetty hugs @Help1307, have been thinking about you. Have you been able to confide in family or friends? You must be knackered. Get some RL support too.

@Help1307 firstly thank you for updating and letting us know.

I think what you’ve done is absolutely perfect. Breathe, take some time now to find out all of your financial standings and then decide what you want to do.

Only you can make this decision and I think you already know this is unforgivable.

Well done great decision. It’s truly awful for you and just so shocking. You need time to take stock. Shame on him for doing that - you are right it is unforgiveable.

Good decision OP. The enormity of this seems hard to come back from. I can't believe he had the witness box pre-signed and was trying to trick you like that. He's not working from the basis you are a partnership.

Big hugs, I can only imagine how devastated you are. Last week buying a new house, happily married and now everything you thought has been turned upside down.

I really cannot believed that your H does not realise he is going to lose his family over this and doesn't seem to care!

Gosh that’s a lot for you to unscramble in ur head. I’m sure ur exhausted. I’m glad to hear that you have taken action by stoping the sale of your present house and the purchase of new house. You need family support, even though they are abroad you should ring them.

I wonder what's going on with him? Why he feels entitled to screw you over? Not being open about his finances? OW in the wings? He's got some plan - luckily foiled now.

It's a great idea to take some breathing space now.

Is he even remotely apologetic?

Sounds shady, so glad you've managed to put a stop to it

Woah, so this was a Declaration of Trust you signed and not just an admin form? That is absolutely disgusting. This is my first ever ltb.

How has your husband reacted to your pulling out?

How gutting to have to pull out of the house you wanted to buy because your husband was pulling a fast one on you. I'm so sorry OP.

At least you realised though. It sounds like this could have easily snuck through and then bitten you hard further down the line.

What a deceitful human. The lack of remorse is astounding. I don't think I could forgive either. Sorry OP

So glad you managed to pull out. Do you think there's any chance he's getting things on order with the intention of leaving?

Jesus. It just gets worse!

What a fucking dickhead.

I'm just so sorry OP. Please tell someone you can trust in real life. Take your time to make your next move.

So sorry OP. Its nor forgivable and especially when he is offering no decent explanation, never mind apology. I do wonder if he has been financially controlling through your marriage, as that would not surprise me. My ex was and this is something he would have done.

I'm very sorry, OP, and I'm sure you realise you've done the right thing over the house

Given the way he handled the 80/20 thing it's no surprise he's being less than open about other finances. As everyone's said it couldn't be clearer that there's a lot more you don't yet know, but at some point it will come out and I wish you only the best in dealing with it

All I'd add is that you need good legal advice and you need it soon - because another thing that's clear is that he's way ahead of you in his planning

OP a deed needs to be witnessed to be valid. Did you show a copy to the solicitor.