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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Affair aftermath - how do I 'forget' what I know?

435 replies

elettra · 08/07/2020 09:42

We are recovering from an affair; we have made the decision to stay together and I genuinely believe it's the right thing for us as individuals, and for our family. I completely understand that many people in my position would find this unconscionable and think I'm a fool, or naive, or have low self esteem but really none of that is true. This was a mistake, a huge one, but one he massively regrets. There were reasons why it happened, fault on both sides that led to it and we do believe we can recover from it.

He told me of the affair, having finished it with her, but no specifics as understandably I did not want to know. However the woman concerned (I could describe her in other terms but I will try to be polite and dignified) chose to contact me shortly thereafter out of spite and malice, and spewed out - amidst her vitriol about me and him, mainly me - a vast amount of excessively detailed information about their physical interactions, how much sexier he found her than me, where and how they had sex, derogatory comments about my physical attributes etc.

And now I know all this, I can't unknow it. It's 6 months on now but still little snippets keep floating back into my head at random times. I know it was all said to hurt, to upset me, and a lot of it was grossly exaggerated but I can't stop remembering it. I'll be in the bath, or out for a run, or with the children, and it will pop up. Or he'll compliment me, and I'll remember one of her negative comments.

How do I try and forget it? Is that even possible? Do I just need to give it more time?

OP posts:
Beebeet · 09/07/2020 16:16

He made a decision to be unfaithful yes. But he couldn’t have followed through on that decision if there hadn’t also been a woman willing to have an affair with him. So blame attaches to both in my view.

I don't think he would have cheated but he didn't have the chance is much better in honesty. Whether he had the opportunity to act on it or not is almost irrelevant in that it's the emotions, feeling and thought behind being unfaithful that's the problem as much as the act itself. O would never cheat on someone I loved and cared about, men are no different, they just dress it up as all sorts.

backseatcookers · 09/07/2020 16:18

His blame is not less because she is also to blame.

That doesn't change the fact that attributing blame to him is quite rightly based on him betraying the person he claimed to love (you) and want to share his life with, lying to you repeatedly, signing up to a website specifically to search for people to cheat on your with and then shagging her behind your back.

She is to blame for her actions and I think what she did is morally awful. I just don't believe that you genuinely think they are equally to blame, you have for some reason chosen to excuse his actions to an extent but not hers.

You are worth so much more than a man who goes onto a website looking for people to cheat on you with, let alone following through. I hope you realise that at some point and don't spend any more energy wrestling with the toxicity of such a horrible man.

Thanks
ShebaShimmyShake · 09/07/2020 16:37

@Katrinawaves

He made a decision to be unfaithful yes. But he couldn’t have followed through on that decision if there hadn’t also been a woman willing to have an affair with him. So blame attaches to both in my view.

His blame is not less because she is also to blame.

So if he'd been on that website seeking women to shag, approaching and propositioning and attempting to seduce them, and the only reason he hadn't done it was because they all said no, you'd be fine and dandy with that?

I am truly sorry for what you've been through, but you and your husband are the sole guardians of the commitment you made to each other. It's not other women's jobs to police it for you. She was responsible for her marriage, your husband was responsible for his.

Babesinthewud · 09/07/2020 16:41

This is why I could never ever stay with my DH if he ever cheated on me.

I couldn’t cope with this, everything that this entire thread entails, the OW contacting me, going in the great detail, him denying it... Once someone has had an affair, the trust is gone. No doubt spinning the OW lies which is why she appears to be acting like a psycho

Dear me OP. It’s such a sad situation for you. I understand why you’d think she was a cow (She was indeed by continually seeing him knowing he was married) but he is by far the worst one and he is the one that betrayed you.

All this because he couldn’t keep it in his pants. Because he was selfish. Because he could.... it’s absolutely awful. I’m reading this now and I really feel for you and I think you ‘D’H (he’s no darling) actions are disgusting.

I’m upset for you and how you feel because of his actions. So there is no way I could ever forgive mine!

I wish you well OP and I hope you find a way to block it out. (I also hope you meet someone at work, decide to end your marriage and get together with a lovely new man that will never betray you!!!)

elettra · 09/07/2020 17:11

I've been responding to some kind PMs (thank you to those who have sent these, they are appreciated) and whilst I was here couldn't allow this to continue without adding something:

Some of you for whatever reason (I don't get the agenda nor do I care but from the way some of you are like dogs with a bone there clearly is one!) have bent over backwards to make digs at me, goading me almost, implying I'm a bit thick, 'head in the sand', that I've been abused, my self esteem is poor, I'm having the wool pulled over my eyes, I fail to see him for what he is, I should treat her with sympathy. And so on.

It's ridiculous. You don't know me, yet some of you presume to, and yet most of your assumptions are way off the mark. For the record I'm no gullible hausfrau, I'm an independently wealthy, successful woman. I don't need a man in my life, nor have I ever. If we split up tomorrow financially I would be no worse off. So no need to worry I am trapped or scared to be alone :)

You may or may not - based on your own experiences - agree with my decision. The point of the thread was not asking you if you did, if you thought I was naive, or fooling myself, and to those who have answered the question I asked, or shared how they themselves faced a similar situation, and dealt with it, I am grateful.

To everyone else, I'm sure you'll continue in the same vein. Because there's nothing I could say that would make a difference barring that I had changed my mind and that we would not stay together. I'm not going to say that, so I guess we'll have to agree to disagree :)

I'm more hurt by her ridiculous exaggerations, abusive comments and downright lies than by anything else - I don't consider she had any right to contact me and she should be grateful I didn't report her to the police for the messages she sent me. If she wanted me to know the truth, there were ways of doing this. But her agenda was very clearly to say anything at all, true or untrue, in order to split us up - in the hope that if I was finally out of the picture he might want a relationship with her, by default I suppose. Finding myself on the receiving end of someone who is prepared to say literally anything to destroy a relationship is an extraordinary experience. This wasn't just putting me in the picture. It was deliberately setting out to insult and abuse me. Almost everything she said is a product of her own fervent imagination, spite and nastiness rather than anything he told her or she thought she knew. And that isn't me deceiving myself either, I have enough information to know the difference between fantasy and reality. On that basis I really should just disregard her bullshit in the same way I would any random stranger who heckled and abused me in the street, and that is what I will be doing. The other aspects I will continue to work through with my counsellor.

We're not all homogeneous. People don't always do the right thing, mistakes are made. Lives can be long - personally I'm hoping for at least another 40 years, maybe longer if in good health. I won't be discarding many years of past happiness (and I am sure many future years to come) for a short term mistake. And fidelity is not an absolute, there are no guarantees; I am sure there are many people who don't think they would ever cheat, or that their spouse would, but given a specific set of circumstances you can't ever know for sure how you or they would react. Before this I would never have said he would never be unfaithful, I don't think anything is ever 100% but I would have said it was very unlikely. So I'll leave it there.

OP posts:
WhoamI83 · 09/07/2020 17:29

It does sound a lot like what I have come to learn about and its called cognitive dissonance. You can not hold two opposing thoughts in your head at the same time as it’s impossible. In order for you to keep up with the belief that you are married and he loves you have settled for the answer that his actions are explainable, the OW and you are in some way to blame. It happens and there isn’t a lot that you can do about it, it’s a subconscious thing, until something happens that you’re not willing to accept. I don’t believe most women with a strong self esteem would take back a man who could do this, money, security or whatever.

cripspacket · 09/07/2020 17:35

I had abuse from the OW, despite SHE being the one who had gone off with my husband (he was to blame too of course).

Two years of the most vile, personal and derogatory comments culminated in and entire board room table, in front of the judge at court, being full of all the comments she had written and texted me.

Karma.

Beebeet · 09/07/2020 17:37

You asked for opinions OP, no one should have got personal, but if you have zero reason to stay with him then why on earth would you?

User533633 · 09/07/2020 17:39

Cognitive dissonance... That's interesting. I've read about it from the aspect of the cheater.... The person who cheats devalues their SO in their mind so that they are able to carry out the betrayal.... That's why do many men critisise their wives to the OW. But I've never thought about it in this context... it's interesting.

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 09/07/2020 17:41

@Beebeet

You asked for opinions OP, no one should have got personal, but if you have zero reason to stay with him then why on earth would you?
What does he do to make you happy though?

She contacted you -her choice. If he hadn't of had an affair -she wouldn't of. So he is at fault.

Beebeet · 09/07/2020 17:45

The person who cheats devalues their SO in their mind so that they are able to carry out the betrayal.... That's why do many men critisise their wives to the OW

Yep, and that's why often the women get so 'crazy' (loathe using that word, but can't think of another really)- because the man strings them along saying they will leave their wife, it reaches the point where it's evident he wants his cake and to eat it, and they often say you tell your wife or I will. Often this cumulates in the bloke thinking she's bluffing, and ghosting her hoping it blows over. Fair play to those who do actually go through with it, no need for the nastiness etc but that's why many feel so scorned. Do people really go that far over someone casual? No.

WhoamI83 · 09/07/2020 17:52

I believe there are 2 “abused women” in this picture. The OW has been love bombed I expect, so now he has left her mid love bomb and she doesn’t have a clue whats happening and appears “crazy”. She appears crazy to OP because she unfortunately has help 2 contrasting beliefs. One, my husband is a dirty cheat, OMG my marriage and all the dreams are gone, that’s a scary thought. The other belief, I did something wrong, it’s partly my fault, the OW is “crazy”, my husband is not so bad.... one of these thoughts will come out on top as they can’t be help simultaneously, nobody wants to believe there husband is a dirty waste of space, it’s deep and personal. There is the cognitive dissonance. The other women had to be crazy in order to keep the dissonance away.

WhoamI83 · 09/07/2020 18:00

The husband also had dissonance going on. He devalued his wife in his head which is why he was able to have the affair and why he can tell the other women how crap his wife is. You can’t hold the belief that you love your wife and have an affair at the same time. Therefore during the affair the husband genuinely does not love the wife.

ShebaShimmyShake · 09/07/2020 18:09

I disagree that it's impossible to have an affair while loving your partner. Situations, emotions and sexuality are complicated.

What's troubling me here is the possibility that the husband insulted OP to the OW, and doesn't seem to be taking an active and definite part in telling her to get lost. That's honestly the very least he needs to be doing. Is he enjoying what he sees as two women fighting over him?

User533633 · 09/07/2020 18:13

I've been cheated on, the worst part for me was not knowing what was real and what was lies.... He was caught up in her, happy about her, sad about her. I remember watching him and wondering where he was in his head (before I knew where he was...with her). I felt invisible. Now I know why I suppose.

I left my husband, there was too many lies, and when I'd ask for a truth or something real I never got it. It was an easier decision because of that. I might have stayed if I'd got the answers I needed, I don't really know... The whole thing just causes so much hurt though. I'm still trying to understand why. But yes, I believe he didn't love me when he cheated.

elettra · 09/07/2020 18:17

I think you all need to leave the amateur psych alone.

There was no love bombing. No promises were made. She thought she had a chance of an easy life with a rich bloke, and was prepared to do whatever she had to. Failing to see that if she actually wanted a certain lifestyle, she should a) educate and earn the money herself rather than work in an unskilled minimum wage role or b) go after a rich single bloke.

Unfortunately some women and men behave like this. I'm fortunate not to have encountered many but there are some people who are very deluded and see only a fictional happy ever after, an easy shortcut rather than real life.

He brings a great deal to my life, and vice versa, we are an exceptional team greater than the sum of our parts. I am satisfied I have made what is for me (not even for us but for me alone) the right decision. Will I feel differently in years to come? I don't think so but if I do, I'll deal with it then.

OP posts:
Beebeet · 09/07/2020 18:20

There was no love bombing. No promises were made. She thought she had a chance of an easy life with a rich bloke, and was prepared to do whatever she had to.

If you knew all of this why did it take her telling you to know he was having an affair? Seen as though you seem to know everything about what happened anyway. It's your life OP, honestly it affects me not one iota. But having been through similar it's hard to fathom why you would stay with him when this is all so cliche.

User533633 · 09/07/2020 18:21

You're an exceptional team greater than the sum of your parts? What are you doing on this thread then?

gypsywater · 09/07/2020 18:22

I cant believe people here are actually defending the OW and empathising with her?! Wtaf. You couldnt make this up. She is an utter cunt (so is DH obvs). An absolute horror of a woman. Scum.

Beebeet · 09/07/2020 18:25

People aren't defending her, they're just pointing out that a man who decides to have an affair does so because he wants to, and through his own decisions. Therefore blaming the OW or making out she is just crazy is just to detract from the fact that he is a cheat.

Katrinawaves · 09/07/2020 18:25

@Beebeet because she’s evaluated her life with him and her life without him and has come to the conclusion that for the time being she would rather be with him. It doesn’t matter whether or not you’d do the same thing or whether you understand it. OP sounds rational, independent and intelligent and more than capable of making her own decisions about her own life. I don’t think she really needs the approval of the baying mob on here.

Beebeet · 09/07/2020 18:27

No she doesn't, but then why post asking for opinions? I honestly couldn't give a crap, why would I? It's just sad to see an intelligent and independent woman stay with someone who has done that. Each to their own as you say.

WhoamI83 · 09/07/2020 18:27

It’s a subconscious decision to keep the peace in the mind. Nothing will persuade the OP, I know I’ve been there.

gypsywater · 09/07/2020 18:30

No, PPs are saying oh she must have been hurt...oh she must have been misled by the bloke...like that excuses things?! It is VILE to send vitriol to the innocent wife of a bloke you've had the audacity to be shagging!

That said. He really should go. Hes a prick who has somehow come out on top in this.

Katrinawaves · 09/07/2020 18:30

@Beebeet

No she doesn't, but then why post asking for opinions? I honestly couldn't give a crap, why would I? It's just sad to see an intelligent and independent woman stay with someone who has done that. Each to their own as you say.
She didn’t ask for opinions about whether to stay. She asked for strategies to deal with intrusive thoughts. Two very different things

As someone else has already mentioned she’d be having the intrusive thoughts whether she’d left or stayed. It’s a trauma response to the campaign of harassment the OW subjected her to.

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