Secret planning to leave DH - days to go .

[Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme]

Hi there - previous thread started with DH AWOL , arrested for drink driving . Final straw for me in out marriage , planning to leave in secret on Thursday. 6 days to go . Feeling shit about everything - pain the kids will have to go through , pain and upset his family and him . Wishing he was a reasonable person enough that we could separate amicably. Wishing I could predict which way this is going to go- hating the double life I am currently leading . started this thread just for the hand holding whilst the proverbial hits the fan over the next 7 days !

Your doing great OP

No wonder you feel uneasy around him. His reaction seems fake. Surely he’d be at least a bit angry with you. I guess you’re waiting for the big reveal of what he’s really thinking. Or waiting for him to realise it’s final. Glad you’re doing ok.

Sorry my post makes it seem like I think he should be angry or that I am blaming you for leaving! It wasn’t meant to be like that.

Well done, what great strides you’ve made towards a free and happy life. Don’t expect it to all suddenly be there in one fell swoop... little by little, step by step...

Just do what you need to do to head in the right direction each day, chunk up each big task into those small daily mouthfuls, and leave the big happy ending future to look after itself. One day you’ll find yourself there without realising you’ve got there!

@Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme

Sorry - it was very late last night ! A friend of mine is on Tinder on Monday and he popped up on her search - obviously she recognised him immediately and messaged my best friend who ummd and ahhd but then told me .

Well OP. If you had any lingering doubts whether you've done the right thing in leaving, the fact he's on Tinder already has confirmed it. That's another layer of onion skin you can peel off and don't have to worry about - especially if this keeps his mood stable.

You sound like you are already uncurling from all the stress and unfurling your wings. I bet your children are feeling this also.

Keep it up @Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme - you are doing so well and I'm glad you have the support you need. 🌹

Tinder, eh. Lovely. Well, if you needed proof that you deserve better, there it is.

Congratulations on the journey so far.
Well done.

Welldone, you've been so brave xxx

Op, you are well rid! Best of luck with your new start and get the ball rolling on ur divorce, sooner rather than later!💐

Hi OP,

You are doing fabulously...well done. You might have to strengthen your resolve tmrw (court date?) in case things go badly for him & he wants the pity party with you helping & supporting. Steer clear, let him fight his own battles from here on.

How did yesterday go?

How are you hugs, remember he’s not your problem now.

He's obv 'missing you' idiot !

How are u and squad op?

@Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme
Hopefully you're settling into your new home.
Did your H receive a driving ban?
Not sure what pizza eater is referring to, probably on the wrong thread.

Hope you're doing OK OP, think about you often and hope that things continue to be positive for you x

Hope you’re all doing ok OP.
How did the court case go?

Hope all is well OP x

Followed quietly from the beginning OP and am so pleased that you've started your new life. Lots of luck to you x

Randomly thought about you and your escape OP.
I hope you and the kids (and the dog) are doing ok and have a fantastic Christmas x

Randomly (again) thought about this thread.
Gosh, it’s been a year.
Hope you are all doing well @Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme x

@Tinitiny hi !! Thank you for your periodic random thoughts and thank you all for your well wishes ! We are all good thank you so much for asking !! Xx It took me a loonnnnngggg time to detach myself - after the initial euphoria passed , I struggled with the reality of being a LP. The children are all good - they have coped really well. STBExH drifted from job to job , is still now doing odd cash in hand jobs. Maintenance is rather hit and miss and when he does give me any money it usually comes with caveats ... The new gf has helped balance everything , the children have a place that they can see and spend time with them . She lends more stability to both him and their lives. I really like her - she is ballsy and does not take any crap from him . He has apologised more than once and has taken responsibility for everything -he says he can now see from my point of view as to why I was so scared and I left the way I did .
Overall we are all ok , I have not found anyone new but am not particularly looking. I still struggle with anxiety and making decisions and I know I apologise too much ! But I have amazing friends and family , a safe comfortable house and amazing kids. I know how very lucky I am xx thank you lovely people ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ hope you are all also well too xxx

Lovely update. So glad that you and the DCs are feeling safe and happy in your new home. If you can keep it amicable with the STBEX. All well and good. I hope you are comfortable with your DCs father having a new partner and her involvement in their lives. It sounds like she is a positive influence.

What a fab update. I’m really pleased for you. I remember lurking on your post last year, being in a similar situation and torn between leaving or getting him to go.
A few months ago, things happened and he went. I’d like to say he’s turned out as reasonable as your ex but he’s most definitely the victim here.
I completely empathise with your anxiety and decision making problems. I’m really struggling with that at the moment.
Your update is giving me hope that in a few months, life may feel smoother.
Well done you, I hope your happiness continues.

brilliant update 🎉