please talk to me ..........[sad]

[fransmom]

i have to tell dp tm==onight that i no longer love him because i am fed up to the back teeth (though it's now ogne beyond that feeling) of his controlling ways. it's not as bad as some men but i still hate the feeling of being controlled. i have asked and asked him int he past not to do it and he does stop - but then it starts again so am not sure he knows he's doing it anymore.
((my last relationship before him was very controlling to the extent that i couldn't take a walk around my then local park without him(x) accusing me me of playing a new mind game and going to be with the drunks.))
i am starting to feel a lot more the same way as i did last time, i have warned him (dp) about how i felt last time and that i wouldn't put up with it for long but have now firmly realised that i can't go through with it anymore and i can't let dd suffer in this atmosphere any longer.
i am trying to tyoe this really quickly because he has just put dd to bed and i don't want him to catch me doing this, i feel as though i have to be furtive about what i say on mn in case he sess it so i really can't be arsed about namechanging,

i have felt like this for quite a while tryiong to sort out how i feel about him. i have told him before that i no longer feel the same way (ihave told him this before and changed my mind) as i should so maybe he thought i mind change my mind again. i have bad pnd episdodes where i can't feel anything emotional beyond making sure i am caring for my daughter, let alone loving her although that feeling has now come back, i know thta the ones for him won't. i don't like the idea of breaking his heart but my heart is being shredded and i won't go through this any longer. i just don't know how to tell him

i'm sorry fpr long post, it would've been lot longer but i can't decide where to start and keep jumping back and forwards.

please help me

he was two weeks and ywo days early weighed 5 pounds 5 half now ten weeks weighs over ten pounds but his excuse is im busy

FM - I'm with you in spirit...if you know what I mean

ipswich

other than not having his help with babe we seem to be happy but its getting me down a bit.
doing all the bottles, nappies, feeding includind house work he thinks im super woman lol

good luck, broke up with my ex 6 days and im doing fine, so it can be done, if you really feel its over and there is no going back.

sorry guys

did u have a babe then law3

hi casper - i have 3 kids, youngest is 3

sorry casper i was replying to op, didnt realise you were having problems

i have one im still one and i dont wish for no more its hard even with a man lol so i say who needs them.
when did u first wean ur babes then?

sorry meant young lol

just feel alone i dont spk to my mum haven for twelve yrs long story.

oh i see fm, no she has just been very hush hush about him thats all

how you feeling?

watling i hope i do succeed i have no idea on where to start with a babe. do you?

Fransmom,youve been an absolute brick to me in my troubles, i wish you well honey,i handed the keys in TODAY and am legally free of ex dp at last,it was so very hard as you know,very best wishes babe,thinking of you,xxxxxxxxxxxx(((hug))))

i'm so sorry to hear this fransmom. good luck (((((((((hugs)))))))) you deserve better.

Casper, if you haven't already registered with a doctor in your new area, do it quickly and get on their health visitor list. They will give you free, excellent advice with a new child. They may also be able to put you in touch with mums' clubs etc so you will have some friendly support. Don't listen to people who had their babies fifty years ago, as their memories may be bad and anyway child raising theories were quite scary back then!

Having a new baby makes most women feel helpless and worried - and a lot of men don't know how to help at that stage. Don't feel bad about yourself, just look for help in the right places and it will be there. Meanwhile be sensitive to what your baby is telling you, love it, and enjoy it if you can. You'll be fine.

And Fransmum - so sorry for you. Admitting it's over to yourself is the hard part though. Once you know you won't be with him much longer, and start working on the practicalities, his little ways won't get to you so much. You're worried about upsetting him, but I doubt he's invested that much emotional energy into the relationship anyway. You are entitled to think about yourself, and being with someone unhappy isn't good for him either.

You are not the bad person and any hurt he experiences you are NOT responsible for. Any hurt your child experiences, on the other hand, you ARE responsible for, and you've already said this is bad for her. Think of her to give you the strength to tackle him, but don't use her as an excuse to his face.

If you want to give yourself a few more days to get it straight in your head (assuming you haven't told him already), then do. There is no rush. You have the rest of your life coming up and it will be better without him. A few days is nothing. As for how to tell him, I can't think of any way other than straight: to say you're very unhappy in this relationship and you think it should end. He will either be shocked and try very hard to be nice (which is unlikely to last, but at least things will be more pleasant for a while before you have to make the final decision), or horrible, thus making your job of chucking him that much easier.

Best of luck.

(((((((((((((((((tye)))))))))))))))))))))))
thanks darling xxxx

annie, have been feeling like that for quite a while and finally realised that i couldn't go onlike that anymore, especially for dd's sake.

well, ladies i told him last night.
i sat down on the other settee (apologies for leaving mn so abruptly), waited for the adverts to finish and then said to him i didn't think i wanted to be with him anymore. he didn't even turn the telly off, he just turned it down (so that got my back up straight away for being rude) adn then said he though i had something on my mind. but have a guess what the very next thing out of his mouth was?????????? the best thing he could have said to make it one hell of a lot easier for me.............

is there someone else? never even considered it might be because of him the bastard (sorry).

so i told him F OFF YOU BASTARD
then he said before i could close the door, i'd liek to talk to you.(just as i shut the door).

so i went back in and said to him, f off you bastard my name's not (his xw), so f off (can you tell i was angry btw?) i spent a huge part of four years fielding questions that i was seeing someone else (when i wouldn't do that) he might be a good man in some ways but his ways are a little too controlling, like telling me to go bed when i was tired instead if suggesting fresh air which i would've preferred. yes, i know i should ve said something but i was tired and couldn't be bothered. had got out of a relationship like that, which was full of mind games on his part, then go and land in this one. with a dd.

i got fed up of it.

i am onlunchbreak at mo and didn't really fancy anything to eat bar a banana (which tasted as though it was starting to ferment in the middle, and oh bugger have to go back to work now.

thanks for all your help. btw, when he goes on satday, he might take pc with him (it is his) which means no access to mn unless i go to library. but will have to see how things pan out. tlak later if i can xxxx