Would you date someone earning less than you?

[DreamChaser23]

but they were a good person and paid their way?

What is the least you could consider?

I’m calling bullshit on the OP... it’s not a true question.
If for dating purposes salaries matter then it’s not about potential love..obviously (not saying live couldn’t emerge).
Would you end up with someone who earns less than you over the course of time...where’s my crystal ball???

It wouldn't occur to me that it was an issue. (Unless they are in a.low skilled job because they weren't intelligent rather than a choice ) I find intelligence attractive

Bit of a non question. Circumstances change from one day/week/month to the next. When I met my now DH I was on 3x what he was earning. Fast forward 5 years and he now earns 4 times what I do. Swings and roundabouts. But we are a team, so earning potential doesn't come into it.

At the dating stage, I’d be fine with it as long as I didn’t feel like a meal ticket. So while I wouldn’t mind paying for more, I wouldn’t want to pay for everything - I’d like to be treated now and again.

No and I wouldn't expect my partner to either. This has been complicated over the years as when I or my hard -to-find-entirely-matched-financially partner has gotten a pay rise we have had to split up. I can't see how I will ever be able to settle down long term but I think this is such an important issue, it's worth being single and alone forever over. I will have my principles at least.

What a weird question

What is the likelihood of finding someone that you like, and is available, and they like you, and then you 'happen' to earn exactly the same salary ?
Or doesn't this apply if you earn less than them ?

Would you seriously ask someone what they earned, when you were considering a first date ?

Yes, of course.

However. I wouldn't date someone who had no self respect, or who wanted me to pay their way.

I would date someone who earned less, but I would not date a person who was unemployed.

Earning less, maybe. Of course if I were on 100k pa and they were on 80k that's not really an issue.

They may be a good person but if they're lazy and don't pull their weight in a relationship, then no. Definitely not.

A few of my friends have been in this situation and all relationships failed.

You would need to be a bit snobby not to for this reason only.

Yes, I married him. Why does salary matter? Yes, i want a dh who will pay his way and work to keep our family going but he doesn't have to earn the same or more than.i do.
As it turns out, my DH was very driven and has ended up in a very good, stable , well paying job. He actually is the full time worker, while i work part time, to be with the kids.
Never judge someone by the money they have .

Probably not, if I were a Dream Chaser.

What kind of dream is it when you can't even live off exploiting your target's earning potential for the rest of your life?

It’s no problem at all, and I don’t understand why you’d let it be a problem.

Yes.

Yep
Married him and all

He has talents that society rewards less well than it does my talents (ie his are in art and mine are in science). Not his fault.

It's been to both our advantage I'd say in that sexist assumptions about whose career is more important or whose pay 'doesn't cover the childcare' don't arise. It would at times have made financial sense for him to be SAHD but he wanted to work and I wanted to support him in doing that because I love him. I sometimes wondered if it had been the other way round would he have respected my choice to work? I hope so.

What I will not do is all the childcare, all the domestic work and all the wage earning. That is cock lodging and that I would not tolerate but an equal contribution doesn't have to be financial for a man any more than it does for a woman.

@DreamChaser23

but they were a good person and paid their way?

What is the least you could consider?

Surely not far off half the dating population must do this and if you outland you're expecting the other person too unless you only date within the narrow o f people earning identical salaries to you

I earn 5-6 times (on track for 8-9 times in next year or so) what my husband earns doesn't bother me at all. We both work full time and so long as chores are shared at home and he puts into the house hold pot our agreed amount for him then all good we keep money sesperate and I sort all bills out with my money and his contribution and I tend to cover any big expenses. If he was a total lazy work any bum it would be an issue but he not he works hard physical job and half enjoys it 😁

Of course. We are both educated to a similar degree, both picked things we enjoy and are good at, he does work arguably harder I agree, my area just happens to pay more. In these circumstances, it isn't an issue to me at all.

DH was just starting his business when we met and I carried him for awhile. 12 years along he makes 3 times what I do. Glad I wasn't too worried about the money. However if I didn't see him working every day to make that business successful I wouldn't have stayed for long.

Yes I would but I would not date someone whose earning meant I had to subsidise them to live what I consider to be my "minimum level of life style comfort"

There are certain things that are nice to have "bonuses" but there are other "must have" nice things (e.g. decent quality meat, at least one 2 week holiday a year, an uber if it's 2am vs 4 hour night bus)
So my DP earns less than half my salary but we split everything in half costwise and he still saves each month.

Honestly now we are together if he lost his job tomorrow I would support him because we are a team. But if I met him and he was Making 19k a year in a dead end job we would not be in a relationship. He would say the same about me (I know as I just asked him )

I've been very happily married for nearly 30 years to someone who earns less than me. The difference has varied. At one point I earned 3 times as much as him but now as he has changed jobs and I've reduced my hours a bit I earn just under twice his salary. It has never been an issue. Why would it? As a PP said, he happens to work in a profession which has lower earning potential than mine. In this country at the moment at least - in other parts of the world things or at different points in history things could be very different. We have broadly the same values and beliefs, similar intelligence and level of education, have the same kind of work ethics, similar though not identical interests and hobbies and are on the same page regarding parenting etc. All those things are not negated by the fact that I happen to be fortunate enough to be in a job that attracts a higher salary.
I don't waste much time or energy calculating if our contributions to the relationship are equal or not, but even if you do reduce things to just a financial partnership, our contributions are not really much different. I may put more into the pot but DH saves us from taking a lot out. In the last 6 months he has painted the outside of the house, fitted a new bathroom, laid a floor and put a new engine in our lawn tractor as well as "day to day" car, house and garden maintenance. Goodness knows what that has saved us compared to paying people to do it. I don't have those skills, though I am a willing labourer and have picked up a lot over the years. But if I was alone or married to someone who didn't do things like that, my salary wouldn't go anywhere as far as it does now.
A good relationship both partners equally value each other for their individual qualities and skills, which ideally are complementary. You need plenty in common, but I don't think salaries are one of those things. Equal doesn't mean identical.

Why not? My DW did.

I mentioned this because a lot of people in my circle of friends and families expect the man to earn more than them. Because they still believe a "breadwinner" is a man's job. But I guess they use that excuse because they are traditional IN the sense that they are prepared to do most of the childcare duties even when both of them work.

As long as everyone contributes it is fine whether financially or other ways e.g. childcare.

I don't believe in it but everyone is different. Some people value money, others beauty etc...

I think that those who believe the guy should be the ‘breadwinner’ as in he should be the main earner , are just old fashioned and stuck in the past . Don’t think many people today worry about it , as long as he is earning and does his share around the house who’s business is it anyway