For a while I didn’t call it what it was, but deep down I know that my husband has raped/sexually assaulted me multiple times.
It started in about 2018 where he would start having sex with me in the night. He would do it after an argument. It was odd.
We would have a horrible argument, go to bed and then within an hour or so he would do it. I would generally just lie there and let it happen. I didn’t say no but usually I’m quite an active, enthusiastic participant and myself, I can’t imagine having sex with someone who is just lying there. He would then get off and just go to sleep.
After a few times, I had to speak to him to say - please can you not do that. I mentioned the word consent - as in, how can I consent if I’m asleep when it starts. He kicked off royally. I never used the word rape but he started with “how can I rape you when we’re married”. The minute he said that, I knew that I was wasting my time talking to him. But I made it clear that I don’t give consent, that I’ve become fearful of him in the night and I’m waking at every little movement and I have a feeling of dread. I wake up the next day feeling empty and numb and sad. And I wanted him to stop doing it.
I used to enjoy night time sex. But at that point we were in a bad place and I just felt taken advantage of.
Anyway, once I clearly communicated that I don’t consent to that and even if I’m not saying no - it’s because I freeze and go a bit numb when it happens. But it carried on. And then I knew it was rape. Because I had told him that I did not want that but I don’t have the confidence to say no at the time.
I got pregnant - from one of these times. Because we weren’t having any other kind of sex. the baby was still born. I had sepsis and was quite unwell. I thought he would have learnt from this but the day I got home (3 days post birth) he did it again. That’s the first time I stopped him and the last time he tried it. I was in shock - like how are you doing this now??? But I was sore and bleeding and just said “what are you doing?” The next day was a huge argument when I brought it up. Going mad again - saying “oh you’re calling me a rapist, (baby’s name) must have been a rape baby then” just horrible stuff. We were in the car and he kept driving erratically and he was just so so angry and horrible about it.
It hasn’t happened since. But I can’t get over it. I feel anger about it still. I want to talk to him about it - like ask why?? But I know I can’t talk about the subject. Just more and more I know that what he did was wrong and I’m not sure I can let it go.
I don’t know what I’m writing this for really. I’ve just got an overwhelming sense of dread for the day ahead when I’m thinking about this and how I have to pretend I’m fine.
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Relationships
Marital rape?
MandB23 · 25/06/2020 09:33
Do you know what, Dr's appointment or no Dr's appointment, there is no helping this (excuse for a) man. People like him are evil and dangerous, he won't be sorry or be fixed. You need to report him to the police and they will deal with him, you have your posting history on here to back up what you're saying. Be strong op, and good luck 
I'm so sorry OP 
not many things shock me on here but this has. Trying to rape you (again) after you've just given birth to a stillborn baby is one of the most horrific things I've read on MN.
Please find the strength to call the police and leave. He's a dangerous and sadistic bastard. He takes advantage of you when you are at your most vulnerable. Sneakily, premeditated.
This situation will not get better. He's already ground you down so much that you can't recognise how awful this behaviour is. Don't let him take away any more of you, you deserve so much more.
He doesn't need anger management. He manages his anger just fine. He's a cold, calculating, brute who will seriously harm or kill you one day if you don't leave him.
Rarely have I felt such rage, disgust and contempt for someone I've read about online. He's a monster. 
I’ve no words that can help , just take care my love
U already know what u need to do
I'm so sorry OP
My ex h did this to me a few weeks after I told him I think I wanted to separate. He denied any wrong doing, I have a history of sexual abuse as a child and how it made me feel was just awful, he still doesn't really accept that he did anything wrong, he still tries to tell me I asked for it (literally) and wanted him to do it (I was asleep and woke up, after I woke I was confused and asked him what he was doing and asked him to stop, he did, I laid there for about 30 minutes and pretended to go back to sleep and he did it again).
I struggled with (and still do) mostly with being divorced is not what I wanted for my children, and it is still the biggest daily battle for me, but within myself I am a happier person and therefore a better mother. I am in the early stages of a new relationship, only about a year, and I am constantly blown away with the normality of it, how easy it is, properly communication, love and respect that I rarely felt in 15 years with my ex h. You don't need to put up with his awful behaviour, you will be better for it, and therefore your children will be better for it.
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