My husband said I had a gunt and I'm so fucking hurt

[frillyflamingo]

We fell out today over something trivial at my parents and then got in the car to come home. We were bickering about it on the way home and he said he was annoyed and wanted to go home because I was walking round with a gunt swilling wine and I looked like an embarrassment.

I had a baby 15 weeks ago, so I'm not looking my best. This hasn't really done anything to boost my self esteem if I'm honest. I did have a large glass of wine (with ice) but it's Sunday, I wasn't driving, I didn't think it was an issue.

He's not apologetic, he went upstairs when we got home and left me to do bath and bedtime for both children.

I'm so unbelievably hurt that I gave birth 15 weeks ago, I've been steadily loosing at 1-2lbs a week and now I feel ridiculous and so embarrassed that's what my husband thinks of me. He does sometimes say really cutting things like that, never anything this bad. I feel so deflated and shit. I struggled through bedtime and now I'm just sat quietly crying. Who is this cunt I'm married to.

Sorry, pity party for one.

OMG! You just had a baby!! What a fucking horrible thing to say to you!

Never heard of that word before. What a monster.

There's only one gunt in this scenario and you can always LTB.

You cannot trust this man. He has clearly shown that he is not a true partner, who loves you and who feels protective of your vulnerabilities. Nope, this is a guy who seeks out and targets your insecurities, in order to punish you, to hurt you as badly as he possibly can, and to poison your self image. He has a loathsomely, cruel streak, and you owe him nothing but contempt, but at least you are now able to see him clearly.

In your place I wouldn't do anything hasty, but I would be seriously reviewing my options. I wouldn't be wanting to be intimate with him again, or to do him any favours. I'd make myself comfortable in the spare bedroom, and avoid him when possible. I'd also be very busy making plans for the future that didn't include him. Which might involve setting up a separate bank account and saving towards leaving, and getting the best legal advice to find out your options in the event of a divorce.

What he said was unforgivable, but it gives you a glimpse into his soul. You can't make him change. You can either accept him as he is, knowing he will do it again and again, or decide that you deserve better and start thinking of your future.

Good luck!

You've had a baby during a global pandemic. He's deliberately sabotaged what should have been a lovely day with your parents in an unforgivably cruel way.

This. It's unforgivable for me. Do not feel that you are overreacting if you can't get past this comment.

It's not 'just' words, it's a declaration that he is capable of treating you with total disdain and being deliberately hurtful because he wanted you to be in pain and feel no self confidence.

What an absolute cunt. A bully.

Your parents sound lovely, lean on them if you need to. And you don't need to explain specifics to anyone if you don't want to, you can say he said something unforgivably hurtful and you are unsure if you want to or are able to move past it so you want space from him.

You poor thing. Having a newborn with everything that's been going on is tough enough - you're an absolute rock star

I’d never heard that word before. What a despicable, vicious thing to say. He meant to hurt. He’s a nasty excuse for a man, I’m sorry OP. You are not overreacting.

Disgusting thing to say to the mother of his child.

If your parents live nearby, go to their house. Marriages dissolve. Mine did. I agonised over it for a stupidly long time and he didn't become a nicer person while I continued to agonise. My confidence only ground down more and more with every passing month.

Leave now while your gut reaction to his cruelty is a straightforwardly appropriate response, ykwim? He was cruel, you feel ''that was cruel!''. 3 years from now you'll be thinking you cannot leave, leaving is for other people, leaving is what strong women do, women who could rebuild a new future, you'll be so ground down you'll think that leaving won't make YOUR life any better because you've no skills, you're so ordinary and boring and you can't see anything through to the end. LEAVE NOW before he grounds you down to dust.

I’m glad others asked what the word meant.... I didn’t know either!!.

that’s really mean of your husband. I’m assuming he has good qualities? You need to sit and talk to your husband OP that’s it’s totally out of order of him that you have had a dispute and he feels the need to get personal!!

Yes, you do have a gunt and it’s your husband. He’s been so horrible to you. I hope you feel a bit better soon.

What a vile man. LTB.

Wow, just when you think you have heard every vile thing that men throw at women you learn a whole new disgusting low. I'm sorry OP. this is such a sad situation. I can't imagine how to ever respect or trust anyone who would say such disrespectful and gross things again. It might be one incidence but fucking hell it's cutting, I winced just reading what that meant and how that must have felt to you.

That he did it during a time when you are caring for your new baby and isn't even sorry - I just don't know how this is resolvable. It's the cruelty and crudeness. That he's still not sorry and hasn't even bothered to co-parent his own children after that just underscores what a nasty person he has been today.

Size 14 is nothing to be ashamed of at anytime, especially so soon after giving birth. Ffs you have got a new baby, an older child and are surviving lockdown. He sounds like an arsehole OP, you poor thing being called that. I wouldn't say that to someone l hate, it is so rude. I assume he has a perfect body then? No, thought not. Please don't accept anything less than a gruelling and genuine apology. Even then l would be asking myself if this is someone l want to be with.

How fucking DARE HE.

Who does he think he is? Do not allow this piece of shit speak to you in this way.

I told my boyfriend about this and he was horrified. It’s a dealbreaker imo

He is vile.

@frillyflamingo Hi op I think if you can go and stay with your parents for a few days it would benefit you. You can have some practical help and more importantly some emotional support.

Hopefully with some rest and support you can assess your feelings and decide a way forward. His reaction to you going will also be a good indicator as to how he genuinely feels.

Good luck

It' more than ''getting personal'' @Shinebright72, the term is so derogatory, so demeaning. It's worse than blunt. Like, you have a fat gut is bad enough but there is something sort of cast off from the sex industry (not quite sure how to articulate the feeling it gives me) about the term. Like you're being assessed by porn casting directors. No affection. Just evaluation. And not evaluated for having conceived, borne, delivered and nourished a baby, his baby. NOPE, assessed for having a ''gunt''. A term most of us were unfamiliar with until before this thread.

wow thats low-the thing is youre not a family unit hes not treating you as aunit is he by talking to you like that

I wouldn't even try to reason with him.

he is not a keeper. It is terrifying to discover this when you are married, have a mortgage, a child, but even so, marriage and baby and house aside, he isn't worthy of you.

Instead of pleading with him to be kind, take the short stance that you've realised he's not a keeper, not kind enough, you value common decency in a man. Sorry but it's over. Put the house up for sale. goood luck with Shakira.

Absolutely disgusting thing to say to you. That is truly vile

Hope you're ok OP. You don't need him if you choose to leave. Nobody should make you feel like this

I'm giving away how long I"ve been on mumsnet with the ''good luck with shakira'' line. It must be ten years ago that some arsehole of a husband asked his new mum wife why she couldn't have a body a bit more like shakira's.

is there an equivalent insult for him?

if my husband said that to me he would be getting his balls surgically removed from the back of his throat and looking for somewhere else to live !

That's horrific op
You don't have to decide to LTB today but a few days apart might be a good idea. He can stew in his own juice and hopefully reflect on how awful he has been. And you can let the dude settle and have a proper think about what YOU want.