My husband said I had a gunt and I'm so fucking hurt

[frillyflamingo]

We fell out today over something trivial at my parents and then got in the car to come home. We were bickering about it on the way home and he said he was annoyed and wanted to go home because I was walking round with a gunt swilling wine and I looked like an embarrassment.

I had a baby 15 weeks ago, so I'm not looking my best. This hasn't really done anything to boost my self esteem if I'm honest. I did have a large glass of wine (with ice) but it's Sunday, I wasn't driving, I didn't think it was an issue.

He's not apologetic, he went upstairs when we got home and left me to do bath and bedtime for both children.

I'm so unbelievably hurt that I gave birth 15 weeks ago, I've been steadily loosing at 1-2lbs a week and now I feel ridiculous and so embarrassed that's what my husband thinks of me. He does sometimes say really cutting things like that, never anything this bad. I feel so deflated and shit. I struggled through bedtime and now I'm just sat quietly crying. Who is this cunt I'm married to.

Sorry, pity party for one.

I'm currently pregnant and I've told my partner a couple of months ago that my body won't be the same after child birth even after losing weight and that he has to prepare himself for that. He said that it doesn't matter as I will have carried his child.
He's a good man and I'm so happy and blessed I've met him. In the past I was with abusive men who would have said things like your husband did or worse.

I think a relationship with somebody who is verbally and/or physically abusive doesn't have a future. You deserve better and he has made you feel so low. I had to look up the word "gunt" and I'm appalled.
From my experience men like that will never change, there is something inheritently wrong with them. You deserve to be with someone who treats you with respect.

The way you feel right now was his intention.

This feeling is what he wants for you.

You do not have to go along with it. I can't imagine how hard it will be with two small children, but they were presumably in the car when he said that. I hope the older one is too young understand. Please don't let this become their normal.

Go and stay with your parents for a few days. Get your head around what a horrible person he is and how you move on without him. I wouldn't be able to get past this.

I'd rip into him like he wouldn't believe. Every single thing "wrong" about him, his body, and his personality, would be dragged into the daylight without mercy.

I'd go up and tell him right now how horrible he is to have spoken to you that way and that you WON'T be treated that way again. Unless he was suitably sorry, I'd go on strike. I wouldn't lift a finger for his benefit until he came with a sincere apology. No sympathetic ear. No hugs. Nothing. He doesn't get to enjoy the good parts of having a wife if he speaks to her that way. Disgusting pig of a man.

No one deserves to be treated with such misogynistic, aggressive, sneering, contempt.

You are a beautiful woman who has recently given birth - that’s a miracle and you are magnificent.

Don’t let his toxic misogynistic hate pollute you motherhood. This didn’t come from nowhere - it’s been brewing and has come from somewhere deep. Like many abusive misogynists they let ramp it up in pregnancy, marriage, birth - once they consider you trapped and vulnerable and their property.

You can hang around and hope/believe/wish he will improve / it was a one off but it will end in one way only.

whats his name trump?

Off he'd go out the door. That is out of order. Digs like that become automatic thoughts, which will affect you. Do not let him get in your head. You know your doing your own thing, piss off to him!
Also, he's a child. Why the hell did he leave you to sort your kids out? So that he could sulk?

It's a cruel and horrible thing to have said to you OP. I'm two years post childbirth and my husband has recently started telling me that he doesn't find me as attractive after giving birth. (I'm a size 10/12 but have some loose skin/flubber on my tummy still). I wasn't sure whether to perversely admire him for being so honest with me or whether to call him an arsehole and knee him in the man vegetables. It shouldn't matter whether you're 15 weeks or 15 months postpartum, he had no right to comment desparaginly about uoit body.

Your embarrassment OP is because you truly get how utterly shocking his words were.

Please tell people IRL.

Whether you can admit it to yourself now is ok, but your marriage is likely over.

You need support and kindness.

The sheer awfulness and vulgarity of what he said to you is such an appalling reflection of who he is.

Wishing you strength.
Protect yourself.

Does no one read threads anymore? It's explained about 50 times during the thread what gunt means.

Your husband is a fasshole. That's somewhere between a fuck and an asshole.

That sounds like something a total scroat would say.

He should be apologising profusely. But even then you'll never forget.

What a horrible thing to say and what an awful mysogynistic insult.
I'm certainly not someone to say LTB over a spat but in these circumstances I would give it serious consideration.

He sounds vile, I am so sorry.

Yeah and Neutrinowrangler has got the right idea.

Oh OP 🙁 this post has broken my heart! Who says that to a person?! Let alone your wife and mother of your children. Your doing so well with what you have been losing (and your not even that big! Id kill to be a 14 again!)

I have not lost anything since having my son 3 years ago! In fact i have put on 2st! My husband knows how i feel and just hugs me when i cry about it.

If he said anything like that to me he would be dead.under.the.patio drowned from me crying my eyes out and then strangled for good measure (Im very sensitive about my weight!)

Imagine if someone said that to one of your children when they were feeling vulnerable would you want them to stay with that person?

@TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom

The way you feel right now was his intention.

This feeling is what he wants for you.

You do not have to go along with it. I can't imagine how hard it will be with two small children, but they were presumably in the car when he said that. I hope the older one is too young understand. Please don't let this become their normal.

This^^ I’m sorry. I don’t think he’s fit to be a husband and father.

I had to look up the term "gunt" although I had pretty much guessed, where does that unpleasant term originate?

Really nasty though and designed to hurt and put you down. And what gives, flouncing off and leaving you with the kids! I mean this sounds like a line in the sand? Without a fulsome and humble apology that recognises the nastiness of that insult, that could be the beginning of the end. Has he used nasty put downs before? X

It is an absolute deal breaker. No way would I ever let anyone speak to me so disrespectfully. Not a chance in hell. He'd be gone. There is not a chance in 1 million years my DH would ever say anything like this to me, holy shit.

Do you mean gut?

Like other posters, I’ve never heard of that word.

Amazing the depth of hatred towards women which makes misogynists so creative with language, isn’t it?

If he had a scintilla of love or respect for you, OP, that word wouldn’t be in his brain, let alone leave his mouth just weeks after you’ve given birth.

Yes, your weight loss already is impressive, but don’t turn this in on yourself, this is not your problem. It’s his. I suspect he will be one of those men bemoaning the (temporary) loss of his sex life because you are caring for a newborn, as well as trying to physically recover from the fucking painfest that is childbirth!

I could never forgive this. It’s not just a little argument. It’s an utterly vile statement designed to wound you, to hurt you and to probably starve yourself until your figure is acceptable to him.

Show him the door, OP. Don’t let this man ruin your self esteem and lead your children to be like him.

now I feel ridiculous and so embarrassed that's what my husband thinks of me

He should feel ridiculous and embarrassed. You shouldn't. Make sure you keep your self esteem up in your response to this - don't let him make you feel 'less'. You've just had his baby. You are amazing. The fact that he doesn't recognise this is cringeworthily embarrassing, but for him, not you. What kind of a man would say such a thing? Think about it. A distinguished man? A suave man? A respectable man? A confident man? No. A nasty little twerp.

Do you mean gut?

No.

As has been explained many times on this thread now, 'gunt' is a portmanteau of the words 'gut' and 'cunt'.

Sorry OP but what a giant twat your DH is!!!

Who the fuck speaks to their partner like that?! You've just had a baby, FFS!!

It sounds like he has form for this and it's up to you to put up with it or not. I'd at least tell the massive dick head that I want an apology and if he ever speaks to me like that again I'll leave.

It's one thing having a temper but taking it out on a partner isn't ok.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your body.

You have exactly the body nature expects you to have this close to having given birth!

You are naturally going to change shape as your body recovers from the extraordinary extreme ordeal it has been through! Combined with you eating healthy to lose any weight that you gained on top and that includes the odd glass of wine on Sunday.p as part of an overall health diet.

You are doing fucking brilliantly if what you have written in your posts is anything to go by.

I'm really saddened and quite shocked by your thread. I can't tell you to leave because that's a choice you have to decide for yourself but you deserve better than that you really do.

Do you want to be with him when he starts saying stuff like that to your child?
Start making a departure plan why you want to leave. Where you will go what you need to take when you will go, will it be a date in the future or an event.
If it helps head for the hills