I need help I have kids scared to leave my partner

[lovemychildren27]

Hi everyone just looking for some advice or someone who's been in a similar situation I have kids and have been with my partner for a long time but I'm scared of him I no this isn't right but I don't no what I can do about it please if anyone can help me out thanks

[ThickFast]

It must be hard to stay normal when you’re having such big thoughts. Can you make an excuse? Like anxiety about the pandemic or something. If he asks what’s wrong. Also, I know lots of women can sense when trouble is brewing and an attack might happen. Could it be that?

[lovemychildren27]

I have said I'm abit stressed and not feeling well but things like that annoy him so I'm just gonna try and pretend to be normal if I can . I no what you mean by sensing something wrong I try to judge everything by his mood. I do get a weird feeling at the moment especially with our massive row the other day so I'm being very careful not to do or say the wrong thing .

[lovemychildren27]

I really am struggling something is not right and I’m starting to panic I really don’t no what to do I have just had a cry 😢 something just doesn’t feel right

[ThickFast]

Ok. Well you know him better than anyone. Maybe he’s sensed something is up or maybe you’re sensing that he’s winding up to an assault. If you’re in danger, then phone the police. If you can’t talk you can phone them and press the number 5 button and they’ll know it’s a genuine call. I think there’s a way you can text them too if you can’t talk. Then tell the police that they have to take you and your kids away and that you can’t go home. Make it absolutely clear that your life is in danger and you can’t go back.

[lovemychildren27]

Thanks I’m gonna hold it out as long as can there’s definitely something up though I can just feel it I heard about the press button 5 thing on another article but I’m scared to call the police even if he does do something I don’t no I’m not locking any doors at the moment so I thought maybe I could just try to run I don’t no I really don’t nothing has even happened yet am I just being stupid I’m trying to plan escaped in my head

[lovemychildren27]

Sorry escapes not escaped

[ThickFast]

That’s a good idea. Rehearse it all in your head. Where would you go once out the house? And kids?

[ThickFast]

And you’re not being stupid. You know him. You’ve spent years predicting his moods.

[1235kbm]

OP there is a silent way of contacting the police. You dial 999 then press 55 when prompted. You can also register to text the police:

Send the word 'register' in an SMS message to 999

You will then receive SMS messages about the service

When you have read these SMS messages reply by sending 'yes' in an SMS message to 999

You will receive a SMS message telling you that your mobile phone is registered or if there is a problem with your registration

I don't understand why you haven't emailed any of the organisations you've been given info for, but if you don't want to, then all you can do is makes sure your children know to dial 999 if he kicks off. You can also text the police if you are frightened.

[Kittykat93]

I'm worried for you op. You can't just run out the front door - you have your children and you can't leave them with him.

Please try and find the courage to call women's aid or the police. Your senses are telling you you're in danger. If you keep holding out to act it may be too late.

[lovemychildren27]

I no that the registration for the txt message sounds good I have emailed one of the details given to me that’s all when I did speak to women’s aid they told me it would be incredibly hard for me to found a suitable refudge due to the amount of children I have and also due to where my partner comes from they told me at women’s i aid that he would do everything in his power to track me down if I do leave and it’s not as easy to be be hidden and start new with such a big family so please understand why I haven’t made any fast desisions but I’m hopefully committing and working my hardest to get me and my kids out of this situation as soon as I can I can’t explain everything on here I wish I could hope this helps you understand a bit more thanks for your reply’s everyone

[1235kbm]

OP if you run, where exactly are you going to run to and how far do you think you'll get with all your children in tow and perhaps seriously injured?

In domestic violence there's something called 'the cycle of abuse'.

1. Tension building phase - this is what you're in now. Tension is building towards an incident. You feel as though you're walking on eggshells and do what you can to appease him because you know he's going to kick off.

1. Abusive Incident.

1. Honeymoon phase - this is where the incident is brushed over, or he makes it up to you. He may make promises to get help, cry, beg forgiveness.

1. Calm

Why don't you email some of the organisations? You can look here for organisations near you or contact refuges yourself. Choose 'look for places with refuges' in the options and then email them to see if they have space.

[1235kbm]

We cross posted. You have to register first OP, you can't just send a text message in an emergency. You need to already be registered to do so.

It will be difficult to find a refuge space with a lot of children but it's certainly not impossible. They are just making you aware of the difficulty, it doesn't mean that it's impossible. What's the alternative?

[lovemychildren27]

I have ran before but only from argument not been able to run once he has started hitting me and beating me as he will make sure there is no where I can run to or get me in the corner so I only meant run at the start of something if I could I’m gonna register my number and the kids numbers on the 999 thing I will be hostess even when he has hurt me badly he doesn’t apologise or beg for forgiveness he doesn’t say sorry usually says it’s my fault or he could have or should have done more there is no empathy or sorrow there atall

[lovemychildren27]

How do you register do you have to ring I keep trying to get on th online women’s aid chat but it’s busy I may have to make a new email and email the with contact that way

[1235kbm]

This is how you register for emergency text messages:

Send the word 'register' in an SMS message to 999

You will then receive SMS messages about the service

When you have read these SMS messages reply by sending 'yes' in an SMS message to 999

You will receive a SMS message telling you that your mobile phone is registered or if there is a problem with your registration

[lovemychildren27]

Thanks I’m going to register mine and the kids phones aswell

[1235kbm]

OP you don't need to wait for Women's Aid chat to be free. I keep explaining to you that there are loads of domestic abuse organisations and I keep giving you a link so you can find them yourself.

Open the link
Scroll down the page
Write in the box where you are currently living
Press enter

A list of domestic abuse organisations will come up. Press on one of the links and up will pop the contact details and what they can provide. They all have email addresses if you can't phone.

Stop trying to get in contact with Women's Aid as they are notoriously difficult to get in contact with and try all the available organisations until you get a response. Take it from there.

He probably tried to make it up with you at the beginning but now doesn't bother OP. They don't all follow the same pattern. Yours skips the honey phase: Tension/incident/calm

During the tension phase, some women actually provoke the abuser because they want to get to the 'calm' phase.

[lovemychildren27]

I can’t get on to women’s aid online chat it is always buy so what I am going to do is email them from a separate email give them all the information I have and see what they say

[lovemychildren27]

Sorry only just read that googling other organisations now thanks

[1235kbm]

Thank god! We have lift off! You don't need to google them. Press the link provided and they are all there for you. Email a handful, copy and paste the same message:

Hi,

I really need help. I am living in (the place) and have X amount of children (ages). My husband is very violent and I'm really scared. I really need to get to a refuge, can you help? I can't make phone calls as he's with me all the time. What should I do?

Name

Send that out to a few organisations and see what response you get.

[lovemychildren27]

I have just emailed a local domestic abuse place I will let you no what they say so nervous I have done this

[lovemychildren27]

Also another one aswell

[1235kbm]

Cool. Let's see what they say. In the meantime you can actually contact refuges yourself.

Press the same link and this time press Only show services that have a refuge service for women

You do not want a refuge in the same area as you are. So put in a place where you have no links (no family or friends).

Email the places for refuge space:

Hi,

I'm in danger, my husband is very violent. I have X amount of children and really need to get away. Do you have any space? If not, can you advise please?

Many thanks

Send that to a load of refuges in different areas and see what response you get. I know your background and understand the situation and it's far more common than you know.

Keep trying OP.

[lovemychildren27]

I will do that aswell struggling to do it all now as I’m not on my own but will keep sending as many as I can I have to keep deleting everything so I will do bit at a time thank you