I need help I have kids scared to leave my partner

[lovemychildren27]

Hi everyone just looking for some advice or someone who's been in a similar situation I have kids and have been with my partner for a long time but I'm scared of him I no this isn't right but I don't no what I can do about it please if anyone can help me out thanks

Don't feel like you have to apologise for not posting. Look after yourself and your DC.

Thank you

Thanks everyone I really need some help have realised some things has happened today and I need to get out fast I’m gonna do all I can this week to get as much support and things sorted as I can I need to get out I can’t carry on anymore any help appreciated

You sound desperate OP, im hoping you are as OK as you can be given your circumstances and am sending big hugs your way. I would consider contacting your GP or the police for advice and help in your situation, there must be some way you could receive help if you can give details of your situation to someone official. Did you get anywhere with any of the refuges you had been contacting? I wish i could give better advice i really do, hopefully someone who knows more than me will come along soon and give you better ideas.

Thanks it’s hit me like a tone of bricks today I need to get out fast I’m ok am not hurt or anything but he is controlling so much I feel like I have no say or can’t do anything things are never gonna change I no that and the longer I stay it gonna be worse and harder I’m desperate to leave but absolutely terrified at the same time doing my best to keep my head straight and focus on how I am going to do this

Thinking of you x Did you see post about pm ing earlier in the thread?

Yeah have seen it will try them if I can I’m really hoping I can go through with this I have to get out

Have you contacted any charities for support leaving, finding a refuge or housing? Do you have an idea of where you want to be or would be willing to go? Hope you find the support you need x

Hello lovely OP. Have you got all your documents together? Do you know of any times he will be out over the next day or two? I cannot pretend to be an expert but I really would call the police to ask for advice on how to plan your safe escape. Can you get to a boots, with or without the kids? Ask for the consultation room so you can call them? Is there anyone else you trust? A teacher? GP? Anyone who can give you some real life practical help? I can tell you are so terrified, but you can do this. A better life is waiting for you and your kids, and you deserve it. Sending love and strength. I wish I could be more help - I hope someone can share some more practical advice and that you get the help you need. Big hugs.

Thanks I’m hoping I can defiantly be able to go through with my nerves are everywhere sorting out documents but have to do it bit by bit so he doesn’t notice I have already sorted some but there is loads is just trying to focus on the important ones I’m trying not to rush or panick he already asked me what’s up with me so I need to act normal as possible

Oh love, you can't go on like this can you? A pp mentioned Rights of Women. Can one of us look anything up for you?

Am so concerned about you x

@DameFanny

Can you think up some distractions for him? If you think he's seeing something different in you, how about just bursting into tears and telling him you're anxious about ... One of the children? Covid? Your mother? Something someone said at the supermarket that you didn't understand? Pick something, make something up, you KNOW what'll be a reasonably safe reason for you to be distracted, without pushing the wrong buttons so he wants to wade in.

He sees you as weak and controllable - use that. Pick something to get anxious about - maybe even something that requires a doctor's opinion but isn't screamingly urgent. Bore him with it.

He stops thinking you're hiding something, you can be a little bit different without panicking that he'll guess you want to leave, and maybe you can use it to find reasons to be alone with doctors?

What can you think of to 'worry about'?

Hi OP. I just wanted to highlight this pp for you as it seems like great advice if he asking you why you’re behaving differently (hope the quote thing works). Have you managed to speak to anyone about your plan to leave and got some advice/real life support? I know it might be tempting to wait to leave when you’ve got everything sorted/all your docs ready, but I think speed also has its benefits too. I really hope you can get out quickly. All the best lovely x

I have been trying to do things like this but he must be definitely picking up on things. Things have gone from bad to a little bit worse today I’m ok can’t disclose much on here but he is kicking of with me again and still saying what’s up with me. I’m doing my best to be as normal as possible.had a few plans in my head and he has kind of kicked them out of the window abit sorry o can’t say too much on here. I would walk out right now and never come back if I could

Do you think you'll have any better a chance when the kids are back at school next week? It is just really difficult to help with any barriers when you can't (I'm sure for good reason) say what they are. At some point the balance tips into being somewhere else is better than being with him. Have you got an independent domestic violence advocate?

You can om if you want I can tell more but to be honest I need to try and get in contact with more places for help when I can get the chance. This may sound strange but he doesn’t even have to say anything to me when he looks at me or even sometimes just walks in the room my heart starts racing like I’m gonna have a heart attack it feels like it’s going to pump out of my chest this can’t be normal or am I going crazy I really don’t no

You're not going crazy, you're scared. You really need to keep up the motivation to leave and just think if it's having this effect on you, what effect it's having on your children. Let a better life for them be your motivation. You're living in fear with no help but once you leave, get all the help you can to feel safe.

I hope someone can help with a refuge with multiple children, someone did post a little while ago about a space, maybe try to message them.

So scared and pancaking if anyone can help please pm only

Have you got some help, OP? Phone the police if you have to. Your senses are telling you that he’s going to get worse. So get out now, however you can.

Got some help thank you

Ok great, glad you got some help. Trust your intuition. It feels like you’re nearly at the point of leaving

How's things OP?

@PatricksRum

How's things OP?

I’ve been wondering this too I really hope she’s ok

Let us know how you are lovely x

Hope it’s all ok

Hope you’re ok, OP.

Please let us know if we can do anything for you. There’s a small army of women on here, many have been in your situation and are knowledgeable about the help that is available.

Take care of yourself.❣️