I need help I have kids scared to leave my partner

[lovemychildren27]

Hi everyone just looking for some advice or someone who's been in a similar situation I have kids and have been with my partner for a long time but I'm scared of him I no this isn't right but I don't no what I can do about it please if anyone can help me out thanks

[lovemychildren27]

I'm not a troll I am 100 percent genuine

[lovemychildren27]

I wouldn't make up anything like this this is my life I just need help and advise that's all

[Freeekedout]

Which is why I didn't say you were a troll, I just said there were similarities with a thread that was deleted by mumsnet. I wish you well and hope you are able to leave safely with your children very soon.

[lovemychildren27]

Thanks no I was just assuring you I'm not a troll if you have read any original thread with was there please keep all that in mind when reading this as that was deleted due to to much information revealed on it thanks though

[category12]

This thread has been running for over a week, freekedout, and I believe op had a previous thread. If you have doubts, report, don't poison the well.

Op, don't let that ^ worry you.

Keep trying to get help.

[Freeekedout]

See ^ Category12

[lovemychildren27]

Thanks everyone for any support

[reinacorriendo]

The OP was here before, she’s obviously terrified let’s be kind, we need to help her.

Have you got a good GP? Mine was my lifeline when I was in this situation without him I’m not sure I could have done it all, I didn’t have anyone in RL to turn to.

I completely understand how frightening it is, it’s such a worry living like you do, keep taking when you can, it’s very difficult when you can’t talk and having to make sure you cover yourself, I feel for you I absolutely do, I started to hide money and all my important documents. I did have non mol put on him eventually with power of arrest which did work, but as you say he doesn’t care which is extremely hard, I found my solicitor was better than the police, I gathered as much evidence as i could. Please keep safe

[category12]

If possible, I'd really consider going into a refuge and starting again somewhere else well away from him.

[lovemychildren27]

Thanks for that all the information really does help if I felt it was safe to leave right now I really would I will get my children and just go but I think that would be a mistake I need to plan and be careful I have packed documents in a separate place but nothing else yet. It's not the leaving bit that worries me it what he will do when I have gone thanks so much to everyone for all your support

[ThickFast]

That’s good you’ve got your documents. Just need to find a refuge now.

[lovemychildren27]

I no my main worries are how will he react when I have left also what if he finds me he will try to kill or badly hurt me take the children or the chances of him hurting my family I no no1 can answer these questions but these are my main reasons for not being able to leave will I get there ever had any ever escaped an extremely violent relationship

[category12]

Women do escape, but it sounds like you'll need help from a refuge. They keep their addresses secret so you can be safe while you're finding your feet and working out your next steps. The police can be alerted to risk to your family.

[Sooobooored]

You would also need to consider if the children would contact him (not sure their ages but certainly when they get older they may well want to and could find him or other family on social media) and how that would affect the safety of you all.

Your situation is very complicated and I feel for you.

[lovemychildren27]

Yeah I think that myself I don't think they would try to contact him straight away if we left because deep down I feel I would be lifting a weight of there shoulders not only mine but I would be hard if they contacted a different family member or something like that I wish there was somewhere we could go and never be found but I don't think that exists I'm determined in my head I have to do something to change this my children's shouldn't have to believe this is normal

[lovemychildren27]

I'm sorry I can't go into to much detail as to not be outed I have so much I could say but can't publish on here but I will say he is extremely violent and will accept nothing but his own way

[lucielle]

I really hope you and you children find peace.

[Bigpaintinglittlepainting]

Would it be advisable to just turn up at a police station with the kids and say you need to protect me ?

I read your previous thread and understand your predicament

[Bigpaintinglittlepainting]

That way a refuge needs to be found and he can’t get to you in the station

[1235kbm]

You need to go to a refuge. You can do this one of two ways 1. Contact a domestic abuse organisation and they will organise it for you or 2. Get in contact with the refuges directly and ask if they have space.

Do not tell anyone, including your own children, what your plans are as that may put them and you in further danger.

You usually go to a refuge the same day if there is space but don't worry about taking anything if it will put you at risk. Everything can be replaced.

The refuge will not be in the area you are, they never put you in the same area as it's dangerous. If you are contacting refuges directly then choose one a good way away from where you are, where you have no links so he won't suspect you're there.

The refuge has support workers who can assist you in working out a longer term solution.

OP, you sound terrified, it comes across in your posts. I want you to take some deep breaths. Breath in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Once you start to put a plan in place, things will seem easier. I know this is hard but what's the alternative? It's time to go and you know that, you are not safe there and you have more chance in a refuge than you do there. You know that.

One step at a time OP. The hardest part is already over and that's deciding to go. You already have your documents in a bag. If you can get any necessary medication or prescriptions together such as inhalers then that's great.

Don't worry about opening accounts or anything like that, you can do that at the refuge. They will usually have toiletries so don't worry about those. They are fully furnished and come equipped with the essentials. They are at hidden locations so you can't be tracked down and you will be safe there. They can help you organise benefits and longer term housing.

If you organise a refuge through Women's Aid, they usually cover the train fare for you. Others probably won't do this but some do actually pick you up if necessary. Each refuge is different so ask them about transport if you don't have the cash, they'll advise you.

[dublingirl66]

Just pm'd you

Been In your exact position

[lovemychildren27]

Thanks everyone struggling to msg bk at the minute I have replied to ur pm aswell

[ThickFast]

Don’t worry about messaging back. All in your own time

[lovemychildren27]

Thanks for your reply I'm really agitated today I don't no why feel like my head is everywhere trying to stay normal I front of him