I need help I have kids scared to leave my partner

[lovemychildren27]

Hi everyone just looking for some advice or someone who's been in a similar situation I have kids and have been with my partner for a long time but I'm scared of him I no this isn't right but I don't no what I can do about it please if anyone can help me out thanks

The trouble with non molestation orders is that, like you said OP, they often get broken. If your partner is not the sort to care about police then a non mol order won’t much help. It will help that you can phone police and quote it and he might get arrested, but it won’t stop him coming round and harming you if that’s what he decides to do.

It must be tricky if he has family all over the country. Are there areas where he doesn’t?

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it must be very scary and worrying for you. I read your previous post. Please keep reaching out here, just remember to delete all your history and cookies etc, and have all notifications switched off.

OP it's definitely worth trying to get to boots and giving the police and women's aid a ring, could you say the baby needs nappies? its very very possible for them to get you moved very far away, he will never know where you are, it will be hard leaving family behind but you will be safe and free with your kids. There is the option of changing your name and your children's names too once you've been moved away, just be careful to keep this information away from social media and family or people that know him. If you're in immediate danger I know they can put you and your children into refuge (far away if needs be)

Thanks everyone with regards to family been all over it's sort of a community based thing meaning they kind of have connections everywhere similar to what it all saying about social media I have to try n get to boots if I can this week but to be honest with everyone I'm extremely scared to make any steps this is is a massive step just talking about it thanks for everyone's support

I can absolutely understand you being scared. I would be too. And you know him better than anyone. If you do end up moving then I would really make sure all your social media is locked down. Very private. Use a different or made up name and don’t have your profile pic as your photo.

Thanks I think the next step will be to try women's aid again see if any of there advise had changed I don't think there is much more I can do at the moment hopefully one day as my head is just everywhere I try to stay as positive as possible for the kids but it's so hard it's killing me inside I just wish there was more I could do thanks for your support

You are taking the first steps, by reaching out and getting information. This is the begining of you taking back control and moving forward towards freedom. I think you should definitely try to get a separate bank account and email address that no one but you knows about as this will help you once you have escaped. If you can reach out to womens aid so that they can give you some emotional support, it will help you get through this stage so that you don't get dragged down. I left an abusive partner of 10 years and who was in and out of prison so had no fear of the police or being sent down and it was a struggle but I did it and so can you.

Aww thanks I hope I do get through this I will set up an extra email this week and see can I open a bank account aswell well done you for getting out I hope I am as brave enough to try and do the same

You’re doing well, OP. I can imagine it’s even nerve wracking just writing it all down. I’ve worked with lots of women who have escaped relationships like yours. Including ones were there is a nationwide network of friends and family. It is possible. Harder, but definitely possible.

I no my ray is late but thanks for replying had a ready bad day yesterday I'm still ok at the moment for now anyway I've not had a chance to phone women's aid or anything like that feeling lost and hopeless at the moment

OP you've already taken the biggest step, which is acknowledging in your head that things aren't ok. Well done!

Women's Aid have an online chat service, if that's easier for you to interact with (10am-midnight) chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Thanks I didn't no that so I will look into that as I'm struggling with trying to ring them thank you

The online chat is a great idea as I think I remember you saying he can't read, be very honest with them, and hopefully that can give you helpful advice. Monzo is a very easy way to set up an online bank account, you can download the app, so no need to go into a branch. Remember small and safe baby steps are the way to living a full and happy life in the future.

Yeah the ringing is a major downside of getting support. It can be so hard to get the chance to do it. Are any of your kids in school? What about on the school run? Say you’ve got a meeting with a teacher as an excuse and phone.

I'm hoping I will get a chance to do the online chat tomorrow so fingered crossed I get the chance I hunt tried to open a bank yet but I'll download that app later and try no my kids r not in schools so can't do it that way thanks for all the advise if I do get through to them I'll let u no what they say

That all sounds good. And I’m sure you are, but I need to say it anyway, please do all this in the safest way possible. Don’t let him have an inkling of what’s going on. I really hope you get a chance soon with the online chat. I think the women’s aid website had an ‘exit’ button so if you need to leave the page quickly you click on that button and it takes you to a different page. Looks like the live chat is only until 4pm on weekdays. Later on weekends

Hope you’re ok OP🌺

Definitely try the online chat for women’s aid! The police also have an online chatting system.. When the time comes for you to leave please make sure the police are present and you demand safe refuge for you and your DCs...
Stay safe 🌺💐

chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Here's a link to the live chat, OP x

I have just read your thread and wondered how you were getting on? Have you been able to call Women’s Aid yet?

If you’re anywhere near the Midlands, I’d be more than happy to help. I working in housing so have some experience of Women’s Aid and people fleeing DV. I think I understand about the community thing with your other half and have helped a lady this week to be rehoused miles away from ‘home’ so it can be done. It might mean you move somewhere more isolated so you’re less likely to come across anyone that would know you.

If you’re on Facebook, look up part time working mummy. Rachelle is amazing and is in touch with refuges all of the country, having been through DV herself and having to flee with kids in tow. She or someone she knows can come and help you to get out so you’re not doing this alone. She has literally picked women and their kids up herself to make sure they’re safe. She is the loveliest lady and will help so please reach out. She will be able to help you do all of this out of sight of your partner so he doesn’t suspect anything and she has great links with Women’s DV people so can refer to people on your behalf if you’re struggling!

Please let us know you’re safe!

Hi i haven't been able to log on for the last few days so just read your threads thanks I haven't been able to contact women's aid yet I am still trying he has been very strange with me the last few days he's been arguing and picking at me all of the time I'm ok just trying to ask as normal as I can got very frightened the other day but I'm ok I will look into the thing on Facebook I'm finding things hard I don't want him to suspect anything so trying to do everything as discreetly as possible thanks again for your reply

This was me

And yes it is so hard

We stayed and stayed longer

Then he tried to kill me
So I had to hide in public toilet and ask public for help

Does he leave house at all?
What options do you have ?
Boots?
WA online chat?
Someone to pick you up?

Tell him nothing
Stay calm
If he senses you are going you will be in so much danger

Sorry to be so blunt
Lots of love
We are here to help !!

Lots of fab people on here who helped me
One suggested fake an emergency and I think
It worked but he forced me back a few days later

If you have children OP, could you ask the school for support? I know it's coming up to summer hols but safeguarding staff will be available all summer. They will want to help you keep your children safe.

OP you don't need to phone the National Domestic Abuse Helpline which can be very difficult to get in contact with. You can contact your local service which you can find here. Email them if you can't talk and arrange to go to a refuge.

A refuge is a place run by a domestic abuse organisation such as Hestia. It has a hidden location and your husband will not be able to find you there. You can take your children. The link I provided above also gives you refuges, you can contact them (email) and see if they have space.

They have trained support staff who can advise on where to go from there. Don't tell anyone you are making plans to leave.

Sounds worrying, do you think he senses that something is up?

Yeah he does leave the house but not so much lately .
I don't think he supssepects what I'm doing but I don't think he is behaving strange witch usually happens before he massively starts to kick off think that's why I am worried aswell it's like I sense before something is gonna happen sounds so stupid I no.
I literally watch his behaviour and mood.
I think the online chat will be best for me I will keep trying . Thanks for everyone replies again