Scared by someone entering our house today - big argument with DP

[Lickmylegs0]

I need to know I’m not going crazy. I was in garden, and came in to see a strange lady using our toilet. Baby was asleep in room next to door, and my DD was there too. DP had opened door and let lady in to use the toilet, he claims she pushed past him - but I think he should have said ‘no’ firmly.
Man on doorstep wanted to contact previous owners of our bungalow - DP was about to get all our paperwork out. I stopped him and told them to contact estate agent.
Strange lady came back later. I spoke to her through window - she wanted to know if the previous owner had died - and then said the bungalow should belong to them.
I feel very shaken up and DP has been having a go at me saying I overreacted.

It sounds to me like he was caught off-guard & she was past him before he knew it & then he idn't quite know what to do except be polite. I thought distraction burglary too when I read it first. I understand your reaction with a small baby in the house but you got a fright too & imagining all sorts is part of processing it. You did right to notify police. I would also tell estate agent & your solicitor in case these loonies get on to them so they are forewarned. I think maybe ease up a bit on your OH but tell him to be more careful in the future. No person unknown gets into your home...for any reason.

"So maybe it’s about playing to our strengths."

Does that mean that he won't be answering the door anymore?

@diddl

"So maybe it’s about playing to our strengths."

Does that mean that he won't be answering the door anymore?

😂

I still don’t see how even in your most worried you’d go righto hang on a tick and I will show your the deeds to my house. To a pair of strangers who’ve pushed their way into your home.

Given that he’s susceptible to falling for scammers, you might be better off keeping important personal documents and access to large amounts of money away from him. He doesn’t sound like he can be trusted at all. The worst bit is he’s refusing to accept responsibility or acknowledge that he’s wrong.

Yes just show them your deeds and private info. Wow😳 if they come back dont let them use your loo. Yak. Get THERE details and contact police

That's awful and I would check it out with the estate agent and maybe even report to the police.

I don't think the OPs husband was looking for the deeds to the house to show to them , I think he was looking for some phone number ....(estate agency? I don't know) to give to them for them to leave and sort out themselves.

@Lickmylegs0

Don’t think it was about proving the house was ours - more to give a contact that they could speak to.

The OP says solicitors letter and says it was to give a contact that they could speak to.... Not showing them the deeds to the house .

Call the police, its ashame you didn't take their photos. What a jackanoree. I personally would have frog marched her out.

Check your Bathroom for Cameras

Just report them to Police like others have said I’d write on a big piece of paper that you’re ringing them so if they turn up stick it in the window and put your middle finger up at them

Give your DP a break. If you aren't used to aggressive behaviour it can be hard to know what to do. It sounds like he opened the door to a fraught and strange situation where he didn't know what the reality was, didn't want to escalate things and was outnumbered 2 to 1 by people who sound very forthright. I'm sure he wasn't prepared for someone pushing past him (who would be?) And didn't know which of the two to keep his eye on. I'm sure it was very upsetting for you, but I don't think you should blame him for it.

What an idiot.

So your husband let a complete stranger into your house in the middle of lockdown around your child and he thinks there's nothing wrong with this?

Like hell he doesn't!

He knows what he did was wrong which is why he's being so defensive.

My husband would lose his shit if someone tried this with us!

If these people come back call the police: it's not their house it's yours and any issue they have with the nephew is none of your concern, they need to take that up with him.

Don't entertain this drama.

I still dont understand why your dh would entertain anyone effectively trying to take his house from under him???

Contact the police...even if only to ensure you have a record of it.
If they believe this place should be their..this won't be the last you'll hear from them

And check the windows...

@Sorocknroll

I still dont understand why your dh would entertain anyone effectively trying to take his house from under him???

It's quite funny watching op trying to explain his idiocy away by saying "he's technically minded, I'm more social, so we play to our strengths". Like being a fucking halfwit is a recognised trait in the technical sphere.

What. The. F----?? Never mind who owns what, who sold what to who, where, which, when. He let complete strangers enter your home & could've endangered your kids ffs!! They could've distracted him for a split second while the other snatched one of the kids!? Or BOTH?? Serious mistake. I'd report it to the police just to be on the safe side.

Report them to the police - then it’s logged.

Having moved home 12 months ago, I was taken aback at the amount of paperwork involved - identity checks, anti money laundering checks, bankruptcy checks and two procedures via land registry to ensure we were the legal owners of the property we were selling. All of these procedures were introduced since we last sold around 9 years ago and having gone through this myself, I don’t see how OPs solicitor could have proceeded with the sale without verifying all of this info. Could the previous owner have sold up to pay for care home fees, in which case there would be nothing for relatives to ‘inherit’ anyway. I would definitely report this to the police - something’s definitely not right.

Have you heard anything else OP?

Thanks again everyone! I phoned the estate agent today - they thought it was very bizarre - and the couple hadn’t been in touch with them. DP wasn’t looking for deeds - he was looking for solicitors number (which would have been in file with all private info too!). DP has been sheepish and extra ‘nice’ to me - and now seems to accept that it wasn’t the best choice of action. He IS very technical, and my heart melted a bit this morning as he was explaining orbital velocity to me and my DD over breakfast this morning. For comparison - I left the laptop and battery charging on a fabric sofa last week - which is also a stupid thing to do. Hopefully we can negate each other’s stupidity with our strengths??

OP

Glad you logged it.

I can definitely understand your shock and disbelief at what occurred.

Unfortunately your husband does sound naive.

The thing is he doesn't need to remain so.

Lots of people learn to wise up through experience.

Usually the bad sort of experience.

His refusal to accept he needs to wise up actually is the worrying part.

That will cause you to feel unsafe and that he's not dependable.

That adds hugely to your stress levels.

I think you need to sit down and explain this to him in a very calm and serious way.

Because being able to depend on his judgement, is important in a partner.

If he continues to dismiss and minimise things...well that may have consequences for him.

Wishing you well.

ps..Gavin de Becker's book is a must read IMO. Life changer.

Also for comparison - we had an old dishwasher in the house which seemed fine - but DP warmed me never to put it on overnight. I thought nah - it’s fine - and continued to put it in the evening. And then one day I opened it to find smoke billowing out - so he was right there, and me very wrong!!

#warned