Scared by someone entering our house today - big argument with DP

[Lickmylegs0]

I need to know I’m not going crazy. I was in garden, and came in to see a strange lady using our toilet. Baby was asleep in room next to door, and my DD was there too. DP had opened door and let lady in to use the toilet, he claims she pushed past him - but I think he should have said ‘no’ firmly.
Man on doorstep wanted to contact previous owners of our bungalow - DP was about to get all our paperwork out. I stopped him and told them to contact estate agent.
Strange lady came back later. I spoke to her through window - she wanted to know if the previous owner had died - and then said the bungalow should belong to them.
I feel very shaken up and DP has been having a go at me saying I overreacted.

It’s completely trusting and naive behaviour - but them not addressing it - and making out that I’m overreacting.

Sorry - then not addressing it

I would be a nervous wreck with someone so naive, poor you OP.

I get the feeling that he doesn't really want to stop being naive because at the moment you have to be the grown up and the baddie whenever necessary?

Easy to be naive and look like the good guy when someone else has to always pick up the pieces and all he gets is a tap on the knuckles and 'bless him he's too nice for his own good' from people who don't have to live with it and the consequences!

Can you tell I've been there before?!

It gets fucking exhausting pretty quickly...

I still think his behaviour at the time is forgivable , I've did things that surprise me looking back.but his insistence that you're over reacting is frustrating for you I'm sure . I think you both need to take some time out and then talk about it again tomorrow. He is invalidating your feelings and I would tell him that, hopefully he would understand given a bit of time.

Your DH needs to grow up. His behaviour is actually beginning to sound immature, and yes, I agree he's leaning on you being the bad guy.

@HazelBite

I'm sure the OP's DP was a bit blindsided and completely taken aback by this woman's behaviour and just panicked thinking he had to prove that the house was his and the OP's.

What is the history of the house OP was it part of an estate sale or did the previous owner sell it whilst still alive or was it sold to pay for nursing home fees?
if it was sold prior to death then any bequest in a will or "passing to next of kin" is irrelevant .
If the vendor had proper title to the property then there is no problem. this is why we use Solicitors for conveyancing!

Completely irrelevant. That’s why house sales go through solicitors.

@backseatcookers it IS exactly that. I’m the one stressing, trying to get things done. I’m the one nagging. I’m the baddie. A trip out is me rushing about like a whirlwind getting everything ready, while he dithers and is always late. He never knows what’s going on - and I’m the moaner.

[quote Lickmylegs0]@backseatcookers it IS exactly that. I’m the one stressing, trying to get things done. I’m the one nagging. I’m the baddie. A trip out is me rushing about like a whirlwind getting everything ready, while he dithers and is always late. He never knows what’s going on - and I’m the moaner.[/quote]
So stop treating him like one of your children and it might force him to grow up? Why enable this shite?

He’s a bit of a doughnut op!

Agree with moving all paperwork/valuables.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they come back (I know it’s not what you want to hear).

I would be really worried about how he is regarding other risks/security measures.

He sounds like man child.

Well done for informing the police - if it was an attempted distraction burglary then the next person may not be so lucky. Be aware though, that these people know roughly where you keep paperwork, where valuables such as car keys are on show and whether or not you have deterrents such as a dog or alarm system.
Check that the toilet window is locked.

More likely though, is that this is a situation whereby a parent A died and a step-parent B inherited the property. When B died, their child(ren) inherited and sold the property, cutting out A's children, who might believe that they have a claim on the property. These people (A's children or grandchildren) may have initially thought that you were related to B's children rather than independent purchasers.

Despite the faults you list, DH was right not to lay a finger on the woman.

I suspect there are "enduring mental health issues" at play, if not Alzheimer's and dementia. These are not the actions of anyone reasonable, who would have taken up legal cudgels if they honestly thought they had a case.

Despite the faults you list, DH was right not to lay a finger on the woman.

This, 1000%. Really confused at the posters who think a man should be shoving round a woman who may have dementia. An englishman's home is his castle etc. but what harm is caused by a confused lady having a piss in the OP's house?

@thedancingbear

Despite the faults you list, DH was right not to lay a finger on the woman.

This, 1000%. Really confused at the posters who think a man should be shoving round a woman who may have dementia. An englishman's home is his castle etc. but what harm is caused by a confused lady having a piss in the OP's house?

She was with a male counterpart and claimed the house belonged to both of them! 🤣 Nobody suggested the woman should have been "shoved around", btw. Just that op's dh could have simply refused to move out of the way to allow her access.

"Really confused at the posters who think a man should be shoving round a woman who may have dementia."

Exactly. I bet many of these posters would also say elsewhere how a man should never lay hands on a woman ever. But he's wrong to dismiss OP's concerns so flippantly.

And reporting this to police is exactly the right thing to do. Even if the police don't act on it, this lady's behavior is now on record in case she tries it again.

I should have said this couple's bad behavior is now record.

"Just that op's dh could have simply refused to move out of the way to allow her access."

Even if he just stands there, he's still using physical force to control her. It could be interpreted as assault, especially if she manages to hurt herself somehow.

Even if he just stands there, he's still using physical force to control her. It could be interpreted as assault, especially if she manages to hurt herself somehow.
I simply don't understand what this means...

Standing to block a trespasser from entering your house is not assault. If she were to hurt herself by eg trying to lush last and tripling or similar I’d do has just stood there it would not be any type of assault.

Nowhere did the OP say this woman was elderly, or even middle aged. The chances of her having dementia are slim to none.

She was not confused. She was operating in cahoots with a man who wanted to see the house purchase paperwork, and she appeared again later that day with accusations about an irregular sale.

You are entitled to refuse entry to a complete stranger seeking entry to your home, male or female.

You cannot get arrested or even cautioned for affray in your own home trying to stop a complete stranger, male or female, from entering against your express wishes. These people didn't even know the OP or her DP's names - who are the hypothetical police going to believe caused whatever fracas would have ensued if he had stood his ground in the doorway?

Seriously people...

Push past not lush past. Tripping not tripling. If Dp. Good god Apols for typos.

@Lickmylegs0, I would be seriously considering insisting on your DP going to counseling to find out why he is such a passive aggressive pushover and learning how to overcome both the doormat instinct and the passive aggression.

The notion that you're legally obliged to stand aside and let an intruder enter your home in case they hurt themselves trying to barge their way past you has actually made me laugh.
Dear, oh dear.

Maybe say, 'get out or I'm calling the police'. Which is what I'd do if a random forcibly entered my home. Not look for paperwork for them, as a start.

^^ This.

As a single mum I wouldn't even open the front door to a random. That's why I have one of those spy holes in it.... (spy hole is a stupid name, it's just a small window that you can see who is ringing the bell and standing outside. Basic safety cos I've been through DV).

DP says they were getting very close to him on doorstep, and his current instinct is to step away. She came close asking to use toilet, he stepped back - and she went in before he could answer. So not really ‘push past’ - but he didn’t give permission. She said she knew where toilet was as she’d been in the house before. I just feel weird. And scared, I’ve just checked all doors. But I feel the responsibility of safety and protection falls to me - and I’ve got 2 children and an obstinate man child to protect.

And the paperwork was in the room where are baby was sleeping - which was right next to the front door. He starting looking through the files - leaving door unguarded.