Scared by someone entering our house today - big argument with DP

[Lickmylegs0]

I need to know I’m not going crazy. I was in garden, and came in to see a strange lady using our toilet. Baby was asleep in room next to door, and my DD was there too. DP had opened door and let lady in to use the toilet, he claims she pushed past him - but I think he should have said ‘no’ firmly.
Man on doorstep wanted to contact previous owners of our bungalow - DP was about to get all our paperwork out. I stopped him and told them to contact estate agent.
Strange lady came back later. I spoke to her through window - she wanted to know if the previous owner had died - and then said the bungalow should belong to them.
I feel very shaken up and DP has been having a go at me saying I overreacted.

How many people you know would go looking for deeds to their home to show to two complete strangers who turned up on their doorstep and said their house had been sold "illegally" and they had rights to itSeriously?

Well, this can be applied to so many situations can’t it? How many people do we know who would befriend someone and end up in a dating scam, or hand over money for a business venture, or log into Microsoft/their bank account/press 1 because they’re being told the HMRC will arrest them if they don’t?

Well, yes, clearly some people who aren't safe to be allowed out on their own have done stuff like this, but that doesn't exactly normalise it?
It's no less concerning for op that her husband's frankly bizarre and possibly dangerous behaviour (because he seems completely devoid of critical thinking) isn't totally unique.

*this is what happens when you post threads encouraging a pile on of your husband and how wrong he was."

She's on here to express her very understandable mindboggled frustration/exasperation and no doubt unease about the implications of her dh's lack of judgement and caution.

And to get feedback from others be sued he's insisting it was ok and she's overreacting.

She's not.

*because.

His letting a total stranger into his home while another presumably stands on his doorstep (at an open door?) and going and looking for something/being distracted would be a cause for concern full stop.

Add babies and kids in the home - worse.

Add covid - worse.

Add indulging claims of your home being illegally sold to you and demands for your title deeds - while level of crazy above that.

There is no normal, well adjusted level of caution or circumspection here.

I was being neighbourly!

Wow op I really feel for you, the fact that he won’t admit when he is wrong means that he will not learn from his mistakes.

Would he let someone get into his car? I wonder if he is just not yet able to believe that he owns the house and it is his decision who enters. Does he know that he could have called the police on an intruder while she was doing a wee?

@Bluntness100
You don’t even know this man and you’re on line hurling abuse at him and being “infuriated”

I said it was 'the infuriating bit', i.e. for OP who had said how much this had affected her. And I haven't 'hurled abuse' at him - feel free to check. You are generalising here about a load of posters by way of picking out mine which doesn't fit - perhaps it's you getting over invested? I'm just fine thanks.

I wonder if he is just not yet able to believe that he owns the house and it is his decision who enters.
Just how much of a simpleton would you have to be??

And how worrying for the people who are forced to share the house with him. Including his children.

I'd have called the Police whilst she was in the loo and say you'd got a break and entry in progress.
Or just after if there wasn't time.

I'd have called the Police whilst she was in the loo and say you'd got a break and entry in progress

And hopefully you’d have been done for wasting police time, there was Break and entry, why would you make something like that up. Do you not think the police have enough to do?

There was no break and entry.

You did the right thing by letting the police know.
I’d be worried about them returning when just your DP is home, and him letting them in.

I imagine he feels very, very guilty right now and is trying to appear unconcerned.

For what it's worth, my DH succumbed to the 'drive laying people' a few years ago. He was also nonchalant for a while but now is amazed at his gullibility. I could see him doing this too. Fortunately, we have a door chain which, hopefully, he would use.

I couldn't stay married to someone who can't acknowledge his poor judgment and endangerment of his family.

@Lickmylegs0 ...interesting details about the builder. Sounds like you had a narrow escape there and made a good call - so many red flags! We had something similar with my mum when she was having chemo and very vulnerable, almost got conned for thousands though we fortunately found out and stopped it just in time.

It seems like he isn't great at spotting wrong uns, and making the right call when put on the spot. It's concerning that he's unwilling to see that, though psychologically it makes sense - the idea that you yourself might be gullible, easy to manipulate etc is quite a scary thing to confront. I imagine he probably feels this deep down but its painful.

Have you read The Gift of Fear? Its a cracking read and very informative about the tricks that malicious people use to get you to go along with them and agree to what they want. Perhaps its worth a read so that he can learn some strategies to react better in future?

Good grief, feel like I've fallen through some weird Mnet rabbit hole!

This is one of the weirdest threads I've read. Not the OP but some of the answers to it! Although glad you phoned the police, your OH is a naive man child!

However if I do get made redundant and want to illegally get a bit of cash, I'll just knock on front doors, and walk into random MNetters' homes as obviously everyone is too polite to actually stop me! And too scared to physically stop me.

Although will only try this in England, can't see me getting away with it in Scotland, NI or Wales!!

Your dp is pathetic and you were right to go off it with him. I would be furious if my husband done this, not that he ever would cos he's not a wimpy pushover. It's ridiculous.

My DH responded to a scam letter once and got himself on a 'sucker's list' for his pains. I told him what would happen but he did not believe me. He was bombarded for years with scam after scam. Its bloody scary when someone you live with exhibits such poor judgement.

Just seen all the updates - thanks so much everyone, it’s great to hear all the different points of view - so I value them all! @MyOwnSummer - that’s interesting I shall have look. Great practical advice.

On a side note about scams - every time I get a scam email I forward it to : [email protected] This has significantly reduced the amount of scam emails I’ve received.

And hopefully stopped some people getting sucked in - some of them are bloody convincing!

I agree that he is embarrassed, and that’s why he’s trying to brush off any more discussion of the matter.

It’s such a weird thing to happen that I think anyone would be a bit caught on the hoof (going to fetch the house deeds is going a bit too far though!).

The cowboy builder - I really don’t think one is grown up until one has dealt with a dodgy/crap/lazy/incompetent/disappearing workman. You need to be once bitten to be twice shy.

Yes - and to be fair - I completely suck at anything to do with DIY/technology - and could very unwittingly put someone’s life in danger if I was let loose with wires/plugs/tools etc. I would have a similar pig headed (embarrassed) reaction if I stuffed up. We did a colour wheel test and DP is very strong blue (technical) - I’m green (social). So maybe it’s about playing to our strengths.

What has being technically minded got to do with common sense?