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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I know I'm in the wrong re stepdaughter

157 replies

reallyfeelthis · 19/06/2020 20:41

I know I'm going to get slated and I know I'm in the wrong
But I just can't get used to having a stepdaughter. (Not married yet due to lockdown but will be ASAP)

She's a lovely kid (13) but I hate the attention her father gives her and the fact that one room in our small flat is devoted to her even though she doesn't stay over that often .
She likes me and behaves beautifully so I have no idea why I feel like this .

How can I change these feelings as it's going to create a huge problem soon between me and my fiancé as he can tell I even hate her name being mentioned .

OP posts:
Justreadingtheforum · 21/06/2020 06:37

You don't need to leave! As the previous poster said you do need boundaries. A date night isn't unreasonable. She's 13 in 3 years she wont even want to spend so much time with her dad and in 5 years she will be going to university.

My husband has a daughter and like you I found it hard. I've never wanted children or felt I even liked children so it was hard for me. I had feelings of jealousy too. I got with her dad when she was 7.

It was hard and I talked it through with my husband who understood my feelings. We worked through my issues and his daughter never knew I had any. She is an amazing girl and I actually adore her, but resentment took a while to get over.

You sounds like you know its you with the problem, like I did. If you've self awareness you can sort it out.

I'm very close to his daughter now. We get on very well and always have. She has never known the issues in my head at the beginning as her father (my husband) knew and made time for me too. Time as a couple is very important.

Talk to your partner. There's no shame in these feelings the only shame is if you act upon them. It sounds as if you dong and your stepdaughter enjoys being with you.

When lockdown is over make sure you all do activities together. I play a certain sport and I've managed to get his daughter into it too. When she is with us we do that and that means we both get to fo something we enjoy. It also has brought us closer together.

Also I'll go out drinking with friends to give them alone time, but really its s chance to escape. Wink

There's ways around it. Just be honest with your partner. If he's pragmatic he'll work with you to encourage your relationship with him and her.

Justreadingtheforum · 21/06/2020 06:39

It sounds as if you're "not" acting on your feelings. Typo!

indecisivewoman81 · 21/06/2020 09:25

Chubbyhotchoc yes I really do believe that. My husband has known my daughter since she was 18 months old; we married when she was four; she is now 10. They might be high expectations but they are mine. And I wouldn't have settled for less.

ittakes2 · 21/06/2020 09:32

Wow you are getting a battering you poor thing! You can’t help how you feel and I think it’s brilliant you realise it’s not the way forward and are asking for help. I second the suggestion of other’s to get therapy for help. I find a man who looks after their child so well attractive - to me it means they value family and would look after my child well. I hope one day you can get to that place too. Good luck.

Wer2Next · 21/06/2020 09:44

I very much doubt OP will walk away from this relationship just because people on mumsnet says so..

Evil step mother comes to mind.

eatsleepread · 21/06/2020 09:44

Do the right thing, and end your relationship with him.

Girlsjustwanna · 23/06/2020 10:02

You get him all the time and resent her having him a bit of the time?! Wow

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