Red flags and got the ick - how to LTB nicely?

[Ruralbliss]

Ok we met in early Feb and have been having maximum intense delicious time since then but now he's between postings he has come to stay for two weeks and 6 days in I'm seeing red flags and have caught a serious case of the ick.

Do I (a) wait until he goes off then do via phone? And if so how? What words? I'm not good at delivering a character assassination. Or (b) make it super awkward and ask him to get gone in front of my kids and be witness to the hurt and upset.

Any clues as to how to handle respectfully and gracefully gratefully received. I don't want to string him along nor be a bitch either....

Well done for getting rid of the excess baggage @Ruralbliss. Hope all is calm in your household from today. Onwards and upwards! 🌹🍷🍫🍫

You seriously need to work on your boundaries. There's so much wrong with what you've allowed to happen as well as his behaviour.

What kind of weirdo moves in with a woman with teenage kids after a few months?

Hope you are OK OP? I hope he is gone and well done for getting him gone.

He's not subtle enough to be good at controlling is he, amazing what they think they can get away with 😯

Hi All

It turned into a right old drama last night...

The car that shouldn't have been driven broke down catastrophically so he stroppily phoned me and asked for a lift. I went as am not a hard hearted person and then faced the music re packing his things. We chatted and agreed he'd sleep in downstairs guest room but then later after the police got involved about his dangerously abandoned car (I did suggest he might want to alert them in case a risk to public health - no surprises to see he wasn't too bothered about people causing themselves harm because of his fecklessness) he came to my bed telling me he just needed to crash!

Errrrrr no thanks off you pop. Cue slamming of doors and swearing blah blah blah.

Had a blissful sleep and to cut the rest of the story short he and his stuff have now gone including the now totally messed up car.

And I'm feeling terrible and sad. Which is ridiculous but yes love bombed and sold a pack of lies and gaslighting behaviour which I have zero tolerance for. I wish I could stop sobbing about him. He's a loser but he got under my skin and he was a big part of my life for several months while the world went weird.

Bummer.

I'm going to have a sabbatical from men for the rest of this year or maybe longer.

Just reading everyone's posts here and so grateful for the support to bin him off and those who have experienced similar.

Trouble is when they are gorgeous, interesting, funny, cool, have many coincidences of shared places/history and spend loads of cash on fun stuff it's hard to remember that it could all be a charade. It felt absolutely right (apart from all the things that didn't obviously).

I kept a log of red flags and it started in April so why I didn't have the strength to say laters then I'll never know. Really odd (me).

I think posters are right. My boundaries were skewed. Way too loose.

Blimey - so glad you are OK (well sort of)
Well done on not caving.
What a nightmare time!
Cry, block, ignore, delete.
Reach out, keep busy, try to have fun!

Thanks @hellsbellsmelons I really appreciate all your wisdoms. Throwing myself into work as have not been on top of game. And gardening. I'll be ok but it's going to be strange with zero contact.
Not sure I'm brave or strong to block him.

When they are gorgeous interesting funny
Of course but that's just how con artists operate, they need a spiel to reel you in before they can perpetrate the con

have many coincidences of shared places/history

This is mirroring.

Too much too fast is to be wary of, not swept away by.

OP, have you been to his house? I think he was treating your home like a hotel. I bet his house is in state.

I had one of those came to my house for dinner, only for him to tell me I drink too much. It's a control. If you stay with such a nuts for long enough, you will have no confidence left.

Good for getting rid of him. Have zero tolerance, it's the only way that these menchild will learn. I even blocked one recently for contacting me and then follow by days or weeks of silence. I don't need that crap in my life. I recently bought a fruit tree which I planted in my front garden to remind me that I will not tolerate any stupidity in my life anymore.

Have a glass of wine and count your blessings. You dodged a bullet.

@Simply2020 you'll like this... I think he's been a serial cocklodger for 10 years! He stays with his ancient parents in between jobs and lived with each of his girlfriends before this. He last had a home with his wife and daughter in 2010.

Honestly! I'm such a numpty.

Onwards and upwards @Ruralbliss. Don't beat yourself up - you've done well to recognise the type of person you got involved with and moved him out pretty quickly. Just feel sorry for the next person who ends up with him. Block and delete him from your life.

This blocking and deleting thing sounds like such an obvious thing to do but I'm finding it stupidly hard.
If I block him I can move on safe in the knowledge he definitely won't get in touch (cos blocked) but would I not be left wondering if he tried. At least by not blocking I can see if he hasn't/has made contact and choose to ignore?

God I'm like a teenager. This is so bizarre. He treated me bad, he was a weirdo, he was a LVM, spoke to me like a bully, I didn't know him a few months ago and yet I care if he makes contact. Ffs.

Write out your red flags log and stick it on the fridge, on your bedside locker, in the bathroom and beside your armchair. Keep reading it and congratulating yourself for getting rid of him. Fucking fucker.

Treat yourself to something lovely everyday.

Well done OP. xxx

Not sure I'm brave or strong to block him.

Of course you are. Click, click, click on everything and it's done. It's just a movement of your fingers. That you don't feel strong is exactly why you need to block him. xxx

I know someone who rushed into a relationship with a man because they had the same birth date. She thought it was just meant to be because they had their birthdays in common. NOT! Abusive addict!!!!

Isn't it funny what we tell ourselves?

Block!

At least by not blocking I can see if he hasn't/has made contact and choose to ignore?
But why would you care?

Why do you care if he tries? Really why?

Is your self worth tied up in him wanting you? Are you trying to believe he is desperate for you? Are you still trying to predict his moods even though you don't need to? Are you addicted to the thrill of seeing his message?

Did anyone else recoil in the 1st sentence of the opening post

been enjoying maximum intense delicious time

If contacts you and is abusive that'll be horrible. If he contacts you pretending to be nice that could be difficult as you are a nice person and will feel bad again. If he never contacts you - how will you feel?

Blocking takes all of that away. You are pickkng at a scab at the moment though. I do understand it's hard. Strange times won't be helping either. You are brave though OP. I admire that you acted and didn't let it carry on.

Sorry OP, he won't be in contact. He's looking for his next mark.

@vikingwife what is the point of your comment you just enjoy being nasty to people?

Maybe @vikingwife has not had their morning coffee yet