Red flags and got the ick - how to LTB nicely?

[Ruralbliss]

Ok we met in early Feb and have been having maximum intense delicious time since then but now he's between postings he has come to stay for two weeks and 6 days in I'm seeing red flags and have caught a serious case of the ick.

Do I (a) wait until he goes off then do via phone? And if so how? What words? I'm not good at delivering a character assassination. Or (b) make it super awkward and ask him to get gone in front of my kids and be witness to the hurt and upset.

Any clues as to how to handle respectfully and gracefully gratefully received. I don't want to string him along nor be a bitch either....

[Ruralbliss]

Thanks all. There's some great ideas on here.

For the record I haven't moved him in as he's come to stay for a fortnight. The kids were meant to be going to stay with their dad's but they hate it there so negotiated with me to stay here and spend this weekend only at their dads.

I was sold a lie - 'I'll come over & renovate furniture, sort the garage, do some gardening etc while you're working...' pretty sure painting & wallpapering was mentioned too. So far I've seen five days of sitting on arse watching YouTube while I do domestic stuff between work meetings. He did cook a meal but full on strop when I didn't stop watering greenhouse to male the salad.
The Prosecco bought for the weekend was cracked open on Tues night while I was still working then a suggestion I get rid of my cats 😂😂😂
All a bit tricky as his car his going into my local garage this week so he's going to stay here until then.

Lots of lessons learned. I was soooo looking forward to him coming to stay but now I'm looking forward to having it back to myself again!

[category12]

God almighty the mask slipped fast once he had his feet under the table, didn't it? Lucky he wasn't smarter about it/thought he had his hooks in deeper than he did.

[Cadent]

OP, please don’t subject yourself to anymore days of this. Tell him leave today.

[Ruralbliss]

I know!
I'm a bit affronted that it slipped so quickly...
And I forgot to mention the weird attempt at controlling whether I ate chocolate- not once, not twice but thrice!
(He went grocery shopping, I gave him £20 & in shopping was big box of Thornton's. Not something frugal me would have bought just a bar of dairy milk. I reached for a third choc and the statement 'I think you've had enough' came out. WHAT?!?! Then another day 'Oh you weren't meant to see that' when I asked for a bit of his Yorkie and something else too but can't be arsed to type it).

He criticised my 17 yr old autistic sons behaviour to me so I pointed out he was a visitor in our family home & hearing his opinion on my parenting or my kids attitude (probs caused by having a stranger in the house) was the opposite of good manners. Unwanted.

Later mate 👋

[JoesExotic]

So he cancels the car booking & rebooks it at HIS local garage! His problem!

That's a really lame excuse.

[NoMoreDickheads]

a suggestion I get rid of my cats

WTF?

And I forgot to mention the weird attempt at controlling whether I ate chocolate- not once, not twice but thrice! {...} I reached for a third choc and the statement 'I think you've had enough' came out.

WTAF again! Three chocs is too much? 'LOL!' It's not funny ha ha, funny as in ridiculous.

He criticised my 17 yr old autistic sons behaviour to me so I pointed out he was a visitor in our family home & hearing his opinion on my parenting or my kids attitude (probs caused by having a stranger in the house) was the opposite of good manners. Unwanted.

Well done. x

Later mate

I hope you mean never. x

[TherapistInATabard]

Oh he gets better and better! I wouldn't be too worried about hurting his feelings to be honest, he's not bothered about hurting yours!

[DoubleTweenQueen]

I don't think you need to worry about his feelings. He doesn't seem to have taken yours into account much. Cut the cord asap. Bags packed before nightfall. Good bloody riddance! Good example for your kids too of not putting up with such rubbish and valuing yourself.

[backseatcookers]

He criticised my 17 yr old autistic sons behaviour to me so I pointed out he was a visitor in our family home & hearing his opinion on my parenting or my kids attitude (probs caused by having a stranger in the house) was the opposite of good manners. Unwanted.

Why didn't you ask him to leave then? He sounds horrible.

[Whathewhatnow]

He sounds AWFUL. I take it all back. Tell him to clear off. Dickhead.

[yearinyearout]

You need to get rid of him today, never mind his car. He can sort that elsewhere, his problem not yours.

[category12]

His car can go into another garage, there's lots of 'em.

Off you fuck, is what you need to tell him.

[SpongeBobJudgeyPants]

Cats/chocolate/DS/salad insisting... No!
As said previously, he hasn't been very smart about timing these flags gradually has he? Apparently, the average is about two years. He must be very confident about his skills in the sack charm and personality.

[hellsbellsmelons]

OMG - just kick him out.
You do not need to explain anything.
'You moved in to do X, Y and Z. You haven't done that and you've lazed around in my house. You need to go right now as I don't want you in my space any longer. Please pack up and go now.'
Stop putting up with this shite!!!
Like right now!
Get him out.

[Cocobean30]

Get this prick out and away from your kids

[Sn0tnose]

Yeah, he needs to leave now. I’d pack his things for him, bring his bag downstairs and present it as a done deal. Tell him that you’ve rushed into this way too fast and that six days together has shown you that he’s not the man you thought he was. Have your phone nearby in case you need help.

It doesn’t matter what garage his car is booked into. That’s his problem. If he’s got nowhere to go, he can sleep in his car. You cannot let this man stay in your home when he’s already shown you that he’s not a nice man, he doesn’t like your cats or your son. He’s essentially a stranger. He needs to go today.

[TooTiredTodayOk]

All that - and yet he's still there at your house

[category12]

Indeed, not much point noting the red flags and yet carrying on as planned. A car going into the garage is a minor inconvenience for him, why are you making out it's a complication that means he has to stay longer?

[Letseatgrandma]

Where he’s got his car booked in is quite irrelevant.

He sounds awful-tell him today that he needs to go.

[Apileofballyhoo]

Wow. Flabbergasted at him. Just tell him it's not working for you and he has to leave. I'd be surprised if he doesn't make a scene though. I might be inclined to have a friend come for a visit to the garden or whatever is allowed.

[backseatcookers]

OP why is he still at your house despite all these red flags?

If he's temporarily staying rather than moved in (as you said in response to me and others saying you moved him in too soon) then why didn't you send him home earlier and why on earth have you still not done so now?!

Your kids are priority.

[forumdonkey]

I hope you've told him to go. Wow he soon turned out to be a twat.

[Takingontheworld]

@backseatcookers

OP why is he still at your house despite all these red flags?

If he's temporarily staying rather than moved in (as you said in response to me and others saying you moved him in too soon) then why didn't you send him home earlier and why on earth have you still not done so now?!

Your kids are priority.

This.

Self respect needed..

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Yuk, with your latest posts I totally get why he's given you the ick Ruralbliss.

"All a bit tricky as his car his going into my local garage this week so he's going to stay here until then."

Not. Your. Problem.

He can book it into another garage. One that's far, far, away.


Looking back at your OP you mention he was coming to stay " between postings". Is he armed services? Does he have a home to go to? (My real question is, is he using you and your home as a convenience ...). Not that it matters, because that also is Not. Your. Problem.

[2bazookas]

Get him on his own when the kids are in bed/out and say

" It was fun before you came to stay, but living together under the same roof isn't working for me. I'm just not ready for this, so it's time to call it a day".

He may agree entirely, so no harm done. If he suggests some date contact in future you can wait till he's gone before deciding.