Red flags and got the ick - how to LTB nicely?

[Ruralbliss]

Ok we met in early Feb and have been having maximum intense delicious time since then but now he's between postings he has come to stay for two weeks and 6 days in I'm seeing red flags and have caught a serious case of the ick.

Do I (a) wait until he goes off then do via phone? And if so how? What words? I'm not good at delivering a character assassination. Or (b) make it super awkward and ask him to get gone in front of my kids and be witness to the hurt and upset.

Any clues as to how to handle respectfully and gracefully gratefully received. I don't want to string him along nor be a bitch either....

[Whathewhatnow]

Onemansoapopera I think you're focusing your vitriol on the wrong target...

[NoMoreDickheads]

@Whatthehell- No, she said both of them haven't acted ideally.

[WildfirePonie]

Please tell us that you've told him to leave!

[Ruralbliss]

Had to go to help my perma-shielding mum to move house & relocate to a new area at the weekend.

Couldn't find the right moment to bin him off until just now when he spoke to me really horribly in front of my youngest then took his car keys and drove off.

Thanks to you lot I found it in myself to take zero shit and have put all his bags outside with a note saying 'Bye then' and all doors locked.

Sitting trembling a bit about what will happen when he returns. I've promised myself I won't answer the door.
Am a bit scared. Not sure what of. His anger & hurt I guess.

[Aussiebean]

Well done you. .

If he keeps banging on the door tell him you will call the police and then do it.

KOKO

[EverythingBlue2020]

Glad to see the update, what a twat of a guy!

[Ruralbliss]

Thanks guys. You haven't heard the half of it actually but ultimately yes just another twatty guy...

Good idea about the police if he persists at the door.

I feel super odd. And bad for his hurt feelings but as someone up thread said I should probably put my own hurt feels ahead of his.

He's not in the forces but a live-in carer.

[Nackajory]

Oh dear, he spunds like a nightmare. Keep calm, tell him its not working for you and he needs to leave. Good luck. Hope you've learned a lesson here OP.

[Nackajory]

Sorry missed the update
You're well rid

[Ruralbliss]

Yes big old lesson learned. You simply cannot know someone well in a short space of time especially when the large majority is via phone or text.

Looking back I think I began to have 'WTAF?!?' thoughts when he insisted I be sitting down giving him full phone time attention and not getting on with the zillion jobs I usually do whenst on the phone to anyone. He demanded dedicated Him time.
And then the phone times got ridiculous- hours and hours at night, again in the morning and sometimes the afternoon too! It was weird. Turned me off even then for him to assume I had that much free time and to take the precious little I had...

Jeeeeesh.

I'm not going to go anywhere near blokes for a very long time.

[alwaysinpjs]

@Ruralbliss I'm usually more of a lurker than a poster but I feel like we've been burnt by the same person! There must be two of them out there but I'm usually a very sensible person and I appear to have lost my brain over this guy in a very short time.
These people know the art of manipulation!
The good news is, we're out of it whilst I know he has already moved onto his next victim!

[backseatcookers]

And bad for his hurt feelings but as someone up thread said I should probably put my own hurt feels ahead of his.

And your children's.

He criticised the behaviour of your autistic son among other things. Doesn't matter if it was in front of your son or not, your maternal instinct should tell you this means he is not someone you should be with.

So don't feel sorry for him, or you're almost siding with him over your kids in your mind.

I know it's not quite that simple but it's a useful way of thinking about it to try and move on.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Change the note.
Bye then. Do not knock on my door or I will call the police.

[TorkTorkBam]

I'm not going to go anywhere near blokes for a very long time.

Nah, just chuck the red flag ones fast.

Your school of romance needs to be much less forgiving.

[NeedToKnow101]

He actually sounds incredibly controlling. Hope he leaves you alone now but I would call the police if stays outside your house. Definitely don't let him in to 'talk.'

[DoubleTweenQueen]

Glad you are ok. Don't feel remotely sorry or responsible for this person

[OldWomanSaysThis]

Well done!!! Congratulations on your new life!

[munchmunchmunch]

The kids were meant to be going to stay with their dad's but they hate it there so negotiated with me to stay here and spend this weekend only at their dads.

So he should never have stepped foot in your house then.

[famousforwrongreason]

Op, I'm going to add to the classy posts and say he's a complete cunt and well done for finding the strength to get rid.
I had an unhappy childhood with very poor boundaries.
I ran away and after a time I was given a beautiful social housing flat. I was young and I attracted many, many cocklodgers like him.
They'd come for a one night stand and then massively outstay their welcome and abuse me and my home. I never knew how to tell them to leave and I had some nasty experiences.
Decades later, I have my own (beautiful) home and still attract these types of men but now I learned to recognise the flags and the ick
You had loads of warnings here so next time you will be even better prepared to spot the dickhead.
Stay safe and remember the police will support you if he causes any trouble.

[AtaMarie]

What a twat! Well done for binning so swiftly, OP.

[SilverLiningSearching]

Hope your OK OP, did he leave quietly?

[MajorMojo]

@Ruralbliss Have we dated the same man? How long had you been seeing him before he moved in?

When you say 'ick', are you referring to sex? When you say 'red flags' you're referring to behaviour and attitudes, right?

I too was love bombed from day one and the guy turned out almost just like this. Ew.

One word: cocklodger.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Bit worried.
Hope you are OK and he slinked off into the night.
Sending strength.

[everyonebutme]

I went out with someone who love bombed from day one and also the phone thing. It was absolutely awful. He used to phone me ALL the time and used to stay on the phone for ages and ages. Several times each day. It was awful. And the worst thing was when I was getting ready to go out with some girlfriends and he made a point of phoning and delaying me (obviously this was controlling behaviour). I couldn't see any of it at the time.

[Blueuggboots]

Did he come back for his stuff?
He sounds like a bell end!!