Please, please, someone talk to me

[KeeOe]

I've posted about my marriage problems and subsequent separation here Today, I feel so, so low. I've been using my workplaces employee assistance line to speak to counsellors, who are good, but seem to have limited time for each call. I feel absolutely desperate. I have very little RL support. I feel worse not better. I cannot see a way through how I'm feeling at the minute. I have never felt so bad. I don't know where to turn.

@1235kbm Ooh is it really? Better get painting! Does anyone know if B&Q are mixing paints again? I got the bathroom stuff from Asda Living - it doesn't come much cheaper than that 😂

I believe Asda do very decent quality towels and bedding.
Oh yes! Coral is one of the up and coming colours. It will give a nice Med feel. I'm sure it will be lovely.

Getting the downstairs all sorted (bathroom too obvs) then I'm starting on the bedrooms. I have grand plans. Well, plans that involve painting a couple of walls and sanding and liming the boards in my bedroom. I need my little home to be MY sanctuary now.

I'm doing the same thing OP, very slowly. I painted my bedroom and have to paint the sitting room. Still not sure what colour! I'm ordering carpets and flooring for my bedroom, hall, stairs and sitting room which is a nightmare as I know nothing about sodding carpets!

Need to organise a carpet fitter and have no idea how to go about doing that or when due to the virus (are fitters allowed in the house?) no idea. Also need to buy new furniture so I hear you!

However, it's all great stuff for keeping your mind off things. I know some great Crime Podcasts if you're interested. Also wondering if you meditate as Headspace is free for two months at the moment and has loads of guided meditations, it would go perfectly with your yoga.

Let me know and I'll post up the deets.

Oh, I got Headspace free for 12 months through my employer. I love it! I'd adore any podcast suggestions too.

I'm thinking about getting a new bed tbh. It was 'ours' and it's silly to say but it holds so many memories of when he would cuddle me to sleep. Does that sound weird? I just dont want those 'nice' thoughts of him at the moment, in time I might, but it's too painful now. Plus it's the place he assaulted me before he left.

I think fitters are allowed arent they?

Absolutely not, kill it with fire. Throw it away and get a new bed and mattress.

I don't know re carpet fitters, I need to look into it. I need to finish decorating first though and get rid off the furniture I have...seems never ending.

Podcasts:

Last House on the Left
Missing & Murdered: Finding Cleo
True Crime Garage
Generation Why
Serial Killers
Casefile
Criminal
Real Crime Profile

Those should keep you busy for a while. I'm glad you're enjoying Headspace, it is so powerful. You're doing so well.

Thank you so much I'm putting them on my list- I seem to spend half the night listening to podcasts. I get through a lot of 'em. Re the bed - you're right. It still smells of him (slightly hamster-y...) and its upsetting every night.

I love listening to podcasts when I'm decorating. I hope you enjoy them, they're the ones I listen to regularly. Others I've loved such as Serial, you've already had recommended. Although I find with some of the American podcasts, that they talk too fast which renders them unlistenable.

Hamstery? Like lettuce and sawdust? Sounds like you're well rid.

Like a hamsters cage!

I have them on when I walk the dogs, when I'm cooking, when I'm in the car, during the night. All the time really! Ooh, have you listened to 'Down the Hill' about the Delphi Murders of Abby and Libbie? Such a sad story, the poor little loves.

Now I'm just imagining him with tiny pink hands and long translucent nails.

I haven't listened to Down the Hill, will look into it, thanks.

"Now I'm just imagining him with tiny pink hands and long translucent nails'' OMG I am in stitches 😂😂😂 Just what I need tonight.

Sword and Scale is a true crime podcast... I used to enjoy it but... it’s very very gruesome sometimes so not one for bedtime! Depends on your tolerance for that sort of thing though as it can be quite disturbing.

Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of interview type ones - Louis Theroux’s new one, something called “walking the dog” where they literally interview someone while walking their dog 😂 and strangely the Peter Crouch one (I have zero interest in football but find it funny).

Wow KeeOe you have really picked yourself up! So lovely to read your updates and plans. You doing this is helpful to all of us who have been in the pit of despair (and I think a lot of us have in some point of our lives). You're showing that onwards and upwards is possible even after the level of betrayal you have experienced. I love the sound of the coral, it's a gorgeous colour, I put it on my nails for holidays and have a few items of clothing which always make me feel good when I put them on. Keep going and doing what you are doing, life is too short for sure to let one, in particular, bastard get you down. 💐💐

Hi! Not feeling quite so good today. Feel so melancholic and just plain lonely. Sitting on the sofa binging Chicago Med with lovely little Poppy - I think she can feel my sadness. Life seems to be going back to normal for a lot of people, but it feels like mine never will.

@KeeOe is it tipping down where you are (it is here). I find that can make me feel down even with nothing to feel crap about (and you obviously already do). Try and make it comfy and cosy if you can.

How’s the painting going?

No painting today. Just have no get up and go in me. Rain has had periods of being heavy then it just stops dead - really strange weather. I've got this horrible churning in y stomach that just wont stop. Feeling so despondent today. Just feel like giving up.

Am so sorry you’re feeling like this. It will get better, and your best times are all ahead of you they really are. This time will pass and things will he so much better than they have been.

I tell you what you could lose yourself for hours in - Mumsnet classics.

You won’t give up OP because you are stronger than that and you have a life ahead of you to live.

A full, happy, fantastic life that is YOURS.

One day, one hour at a time. You will get there.

You know what might also be helpful - start making a list of all the things you can do now that you are living freely. Even if it’s tiny silly things like yawn loudly or leave the remote control on the floor.
Bit by bit add to this list and start including things you will be doing in the future. I think it will help you feel more positive

I can 100% tell you it will get better. I can’t bare to read my journal from a few months back. I was utterly hopeless, I couldn’t calm myself down, I didn’t realise I was anxious, I was end of the world. It still comes in waves but each time they pass and each time the intensity is a little less. Distraction is my friend and doing things I like. I can’t take the pain away from what I’ve lost but I can make the present a little more enjoyable so that I want to stay in it despite that pain. Time is also my friend.

I've just spoken to an amazing counsellor from my EAP. I spoke to the same chap a few weeks ago. He is incredible, and it was good to get some perspective on how far I've come in a few weeks. I feel a bit better about things now. I'm taking it hour by hour again, which helps me when I feel like this. Thank you everyone for your kind words

Podcast I really like is No such thing as a fish. One of the kids really likes this one too. What are you in to genre wise?

I'm a compulsive listener. That way I can avoid thinking as I have to concentrate on the listening.

Well, I finished my little upcycling project. From this to this! I'm quite pleased with myself. It was so heavy to lift myself. Done now though, so a small sense of satisfaction.