Please, please, someone talk to me

[KeeOe]

I've posted about my marriage problems and subsequent separation here Today, I feel so, so low. I've been using my workplaces employee assistance line to speak to counsellors, who are good, but seem to have limited time for each call. I feel absolutely desperate. I have very little RL support. I feel worse not better. I cannot see a way through how I'm feeling at the minute. I have never felt so bad. I don't know where to turn.

Am now imagining you and the three all lined up in downward dog poses

Apparently dogs always stretch on waking and we should too..

This dog is such a good boy

@Carolbaskinstiger we kind of were 😂 They were most perplexed as to why mum was rolling around on the floor with them. We're all tired out now!

@KeeOe

I've posted about my marriage problems and subsequent separation here Today, I feel so, so low. I've been using my workplaces employee assistance line to speak to counsellors, who are good, but seem to have limited time for each call. I feel absolutely desperate. I have very little RL support. I feel worse not better. I cannot see a way through how I'm feeling at the minute. I have never felt so bad. I don't know where to turn.

I've gone through a really tough separation and if you ever need to talk I think it would help both of us to blow of steam. Feel free to message me anytime

Done day 2 of yoga with Adriene this evening. Been waiting for a callback from the crisis team that hasnt materialised yet. Another day almost done. Glass of wine and yet more Crminal Minds until bedtime now.

This always cheers me up!

You are doing great. You have got this! (sorry if that's cheesy)

Oh, that little dog is darling! Mine arent as graceful unfortunately.

Op I don't even know you and I have a little tear in my eye, I'm so proud of you. Please believe me when I say you will not feel like this forever. I promise you.

This thread has kept me going the last few days. I cannot thank each and every one of you enough

Also lying on my bed watching crime documentaries with a glass of wine 😊 life is tough, but the simple pleasures help.

Another night is done OP! They feel like such a long slog when evening kicks in doesn't it, but that's another one ticked off. Weather is a bit brighter here today but I secretly always want storms at night because they relax me

Just wanted to say you're doing amazing, hang in there op, it does get better. Small steps. Take the day in 10 or 20 minute blocks. If you're not sleeping well schedule in some power naps. Food wise I found snacking much easier than making a meal and leaving most. Lots of pre prepared things like chopped fruit, mini sausage rolls, dips, ice lollies, warm drinks. Be kind to yourself, choose things you enjoy that are light on the stomach.

I do Yoga with Adrienne, she's fantastic, so calming. If my insomnia is bad I often do some yoga stretching in the night, I think she has one called relax for stress or something where you end snuggling a pillow, it always help me get back to sleep.

I agree with pp who have suggested doing lots of small things. When I was like this I found it difficult to concentrate on anything for long, had always been an avid reader but couldn't read to the end of a sentence. If you enjoy crafts even searching on hobbycraft can be calming and fill 20mins. I used to look on there and occasionally choose a small kit that I thought I'd cope with, art and crafts use the left side of the brain which brings on a sense of calm and wellbeing. Also stroking a dog produces endorphins (feel good hormones) in both you and the dog so good all round.

This is the yoga video to heal stress:

I am a year on and in no way over how I was treated by my ex - he walked out after abusing me for over 25 years.
I had no one I could reach out to so posted on here at the time.
I hadn't told hardly anyone about how bad my marriage was so when he left it was assumed it was my fault, plus my step dad was dying and we was already dealing with such a lot.
Anyway a year has gone by and its been hard.
Mine left and wanted to cut every part of his old life away including his kids. We have had his father in law, friend and his two cats die since he has been gone and he hasn't flinched at any of that. There was zero reaction when he was told.
I spent the first month drinking, casually dating and doing things that aren't me at all, I spent the following month in bed, sobbing, frantically checking any available history I could get my hands on for days and days without sleep to find plausible answers for this bomb that had dropped in my life.
I self harmed more than once.
I'm now in a much different place, I'm still very hurt but I would not care if my ex dropped off the end of the earth.
I have started seeing someone else, very, very slowly and it just happened (old friend) who had been cheated on. it was a lovely friendship that at first I could just talk openly to him. Its getting to the stage where my feelings have changed and I would like to be with him and him me when I am further on in my dealing with the shit storm my ex left me in.
I've had to take a good hard look at myself which I did not like at all- not for how I was during my marriage but for how I delayed healing by sabotaging the last few months by my own bad behaviours.
I was convinced he was ill, had a brain tumour, breakdown etc and that would be discovered and he would miraculously be better.
I've stopped convincing myself that his weak, selfish nature and ability to look his kids in the eye and tell them he never wants to see them again was due to anything out of his control.

Walking my dog saved my life so I understand their little, concerned faces and how that hurts but the strange thing is my dog used to look out of the window at my ex's getting home time for a few weeks when he first left. Now he knows when my friend comes round he always gets a treat and someone to play with him when we go out for walk. My dog is loved and we have a lot of fun together he is very happy.
My kids have both said they would leave home if my ex ever tried to come home and sometimes I dream I am still with him and I wake up and the relief when I discover it is still a dream is fab. He was a cruel, horrible man who is not worth my tears.
I wont ever get over the hurt or the shock and its pain like I did not even realise I could deal with yet I am proud of myself that I'm still standing. I am never going to be physically or emotionally abused or frightened again by that man.
Take things minute by minute. Take care.

Hi! Been to the GP to get my ECG done, waiting for a call back about that to see if they can increase my citalopram. My blood pressure is ridiculous so I think they'll be looking at that too 😔

I had a surge of righteous anger last night and texted him to say that his stuff that's left in the house will be sold in order to pay for the dogs food and vet expenses, which are not cheap. Absolutely no response whatsoever. I can see the message was delivered but hasnt been read. I can see small chinks of 'fuck you' (excuse me) starting to come though in my feelings. He has literally abandoned us all without a care for how we will feed ourselves etc. Also told him I knew he'd been snooping on the camera that we have for the dogs. So, all of the stuff I rammed into bin bags is being gone through and the stuff that's worth selling will be sold.

Well done OP. You're getting angry and that's all part of the long process of healing. Your dogs look wonderful - I often see greyhounds when I'm out walking - such lovely dogs.

Oh God. He's just emailed me to ask to see the dogs tomorrow and to get some bits hes had delivered. I was honestly feeling okish this afternoon. I'm not letting him come to the house, absolutely not. But I have this feeling of turmoil now. I don't know if I'm strong enough to see him.

I don't trust myself not to cry in front of him.

Does he have a key? Could he come while you take yourself off for a long walk, ensuring there’s no overlap?

Tbh, I dont want him in 'my' space anymore. I've worked so hard the past couple of weeks to move forward. I feel like seeing him would be disastrous.

Ok, that’s very valid. He’ll have to live without the dogs. He dug his grave. Why didn’t he get is stuff delivered to the right address? Forward it on to him or leave it outside in the street for him to pick up.

Hope you’re ok @KeeOe just say no for tomorrow. Stay strong you’re coping amazingly

I've said no. Told him honestly I'm not strong enough. Even leaving things on the doorstep, I cant trust myself to not open the door. He's still trying to control the situation but I said no. I've worked too hard for me and the pups to let myself be put back to where we were. I was perfectly reasonable, said I wasnt ok and that I'm trying to heal me and the dogs and things would be done when it was ok for me and them. I had a panic attack when o read the email. That was warning enough for me.