Please, please, someone talk to me

[KeeOe]

I've posted about my marriage problems and subsequent separation here Today, I feel so, so low. I've been using my workplaces employee assistance line to speak to counsellors, who are good, but seem to have limited time for each call. I feel absolutely desperate. I have very little RL support. I feel worse not better. I cannot see a way through how I'm feeling at the minute. I have never felt so bad. I don't know where to turn.

Hi, I was you a few years ago. I remember feeling so low, helpless and distraught. I didn't want to carry on. But I did, I did, each day got a tiny bit better (after a few months anyway) and I got out of it (eventually). I promise you it DOES get better. I do promise you that, but only if you get away from the pain and the hurt that is causing you the problem. Sending big hugs xx

I am going through something very similar. Separated 2 months ago, he isn't cheating (that I know of) but I also am talking to a work support line. I have a little girl and currently at my mams as he wouldn't go.

I am focussing on things to do. It's hard at the mo as literally can't do things but I'm looking at furniture to buy (have a spreadsheet) working out finances, talking to friends a lot, so hard when nothing to actually occupy our time at the moment. Think of the things you can do now without wondering what his reaction is? This is my big positive. No one to be moody or come up with a counter idea for literally everything I want to do. No one to be moody. No one to mess up the clean bathroom. And exercise really helps. Get them gorgeous dogs out on a lovely long walk, podcasts are brilliant to listen to when walking. There is more to life than one man as much as you have loved him xx

Aren't they gorgeous! My computer is about to restart itself OP - I'm not abandoning you. I'll be back once its done its thing.

I'd like to know more about your dogs though. How old are they and are they all from the same litter? Have you always had greyhounds? I don't know that much about them but I imagine they need lots of exercise.

my EAP was helpful but as you say I had 30 mins each week over the phone which was limited. I was fortunate that I had the funds to see a private therapist who helped me enormously. It was the best money I ever spent. Can you do this? x

Another vote for taking one day at a time and that this pain will pass with time. My dog was a huge support to me and a reason to get out of bed. Your 3 are lovely and I can just imagine their confused faces. Stroke their foreheads and massage their ears, it will do you all good!

Wishing you strength and courage.

Please call Samaritans. They will let you talk for as long as you want.

@KeeOe

I have put a Criminal Minds boxset on to distract me a bit. This is so damned hard.

I am so sorry to read your posts and I can feel your sadness. I am heartened to see how much support you are getting as when I have posted with low thoughts I got a complete kicking.

Dh and I have started watching Criminal Minds and I am surprised every time there is a murder .

I do hope you can get the help and support you need and deserve and my dog sends a tail wag to yours.

I took kalms for a while just to take the edge off and wrote myself a nice long list of all his bad points which I read daily. It sounds as though you could write a pretty long list yourself with some truly horrendous stuff at the top. I also wrote myself a list of all the good things in my life and focused on what was positive, even the little things. Distraction helped too and watching things which I knew would make me laugh. The physical pain does subside and before you know it you'll go several hours without even thinking about him. 💐 for you

However hard it feels right now, you WONT always feel like this. xxx

I hear you OP. I’m sorry things are as bad as they are.

Always thought ‘one day at a time’ was a meaningless platitude, but it has helped me a lot. It won’t be like this forever.

I hope the distractions help, and quality time with your lovely doggos. Keep posting here.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through OP. Grieving is the worst possible feeling in the world. I also agree you must get help from your GP straight away. Some anti-depressants may help to take the edge off and just get you through this initial phase.
Take comfort from those beautiful dogs too. They will sense your sadness so their unconditional love will help. We are all here to listen

I am so sorry you’re feeling this way OP but talking about it and coming on MN for help is an amazing and brave thing to do. The hardest battles are always given to the strongest people. You can and will get through this! Take it an hour at a time. I promise you will feel happy again.

It will get better, I've been where you are, I was in a mental unit after a suicide attempt and thought I would die of misery. You will feel better one day. Take it hour by hour if you have to. Write everything that's in your head down and burn it or throw it away. Samaritans are good too.
You're going to be alright.

I cannot thank everyone enough on here. I really cant. Toby is 10, we just adopted him last November, he'd never found his forever sofa. Blue just turned 9 yesterday and Poppy turned 7 last friday. Had Blue nearly 6 years and Poppy nearly 4. To be honest they're the only reason I'm getting up in the morning. They are quite vocal when it comes to morning walks.

I feel like I cant eat anything. I've managed a cheese sandwich some days but that's about it. The weight is dropping off me. Probably no bad thing. I used to love cooking, it was something I always did for 'us' so it kind of hurts to do it just for me. I'm already on antidepressants and anti anxiety meds long term. My GP has bumped my dosage up on one but I'm not feeling it yet (only been 2 or 3 weeks). I'm maxed out on Citalopram so have nowhere to go with that.

Currently have Toby, the old boy snuggled up next to me on the sofa.

I was where you are now over 4 years ago. There just seemed no point continuing and I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. Antidepressants saved my life. I'm here, happy in my own home, better job and a lovely partner who completely understands that I don't want to live with anyone again. I'm also 3 1/2st lighter and don't drink copious amounts of wine to cope anymore. This is one hour, one day at a time, then you have a good day, and another, and another and one day you realise that you're happy and he can do one. You'll get better, I promise you.

Try to eat what you can. Not eating just makes you feel ill and won't help. Even if its simple things like cup-a-soups where you drink it rather than eat. Believe me it will help. Or drink sugary drinks - hot chocolates etc. I know you don't feel lucky right now but you are, having those 3 lovely dogs. I know so many people who would love a dog but can't. I have a puppy who is 5 months and he is currently helping me through a breakup. Is there really no-one in RL you can talk to? You would be surprised who can help you through the bad times.

OP you will get past this. The previous posters are all right in what they say and advise.
Cry, scream and punch a pillow if you have to. Let it all out but do not believe your thoughts that you are worthless. You are not!!! You are strong...even now, when you feel so desperate, you had the strength to ask for help. That takes a lot of courage.
You will come out of this heartbreak and you will feel like a superwoman for doing so. You’ve got this sweetheart...we all promise you xxxx

I've reached out to people in RL, but people are so busy. My sister is worried about exposing me to Covid as my nephew is in childcare (I have pretty severe asthma). My daughter is currently experiencing PTSD from treating so many Covid patients so isnt in any position to offer me support, I feel so guilty for bothering her. I have a couple of friends but they are all busy with their own lives. I see the woman next door sometimes and we have loose plans to do something later in the week. He's very insidiously tried to keep me apart from friends over the years.

I've always wanted to do the C25k programme. Now seems like a good time to start.

Didn't want to read and run.
Haven't been in your situ but so much of what you are feeling resonates after I lost my mum. The despair, the actual physical pain and not the wanting to go on living.
Just wanted to say that things did get better for me and I really really hope that they will for you too.
Keep reaching out and taking all the help you can.
I am sending love and light to you and those lovely dogs.

If the new med doesn’t kick in go back. Dh works with a man whose wife has been on sertraline for 12 months with no improvement.

Sorry for the typos.

Toby is so lovely! They are so graceful looking aren't they? Aren't they luck to have found you OP? Someone who really loves them and is really caring for them. That's such a nice thing to do.

Drink water if you can manage it OP. Keep yourself hydrated. Take a multivitamin and perhaps try to get some soup down yourself if you can. Your dogs need you to stay strong for them so they can take you on lots of lovely walks.

Did you get them from a special greyhound rehoming place? I understand that they are raced and then retired - is that what happened here?

Op I cant recommend C25K enough! It's so tough but so rewarding and the achievement you feel at the end of it is amazing!
I actually haven't been out running for several weeks now which is just laziness but you thinking about it has inspired me to go out on Thursday, my first day off this week.

I'm going to contact my GP tomorrow. I realise I'm in crisis and need help. It just all seems so unmanageable to me at the moment. I am literally taking things an hour at a time.