Please, please, someone talk to me

[KeeOe]

I've posted about my marriage problems and subsequent separation here Today, I feel so, so low. I've been using my workplaces employee assistance line to speak to counsellors, who are good, but seem to have limited time for each call. I feel absolutely desperate. I have very little RL support. I feel worse not better. I cannot see a way through how I'm feeling at the minute. I have never felt so bad. I don't know where to turn.

Wow, that looks great! And brilliant that you’re continuing to put your own stamp on your home.

Wow. That looks amazing! It looks new, you've done a really good job. I painted my wardrobe recently and it's embarrassingly bad. Need to buy a new one.

Thank you 😊 I like doing bits like this. Used to do some and sell them on, I might start again. Just hope that Blue doesnt start peeing on this one... I've got some puppy pads because they obviously cant be trusted. On another brighter note, someone suggested Bumble to me to expand my social circle a bit. Not using it for dating, as I'm totally not ready for that and tbh I can't see a time that I will be, but I've already had a few messages from other women. Its nice just to be able to chat to other people nearby. Not that posting here isnt great too!

Hello to anyone still reading. Bit of an update. I was speaking to the police about something entirely different to the DA perpetrated by my ex. I happened to ask a question at the end of the conversation about ex still having a key and that he had attacked me before he left.

They came out to the house and took a statement from me about it, apparently they are duty bound to do this in cases of DA. I didn't know. I've said I don't want the matter taken any further, that I was happy just for it to stay on record, just in case. But apparently this isnt my call. They did say they try to be victim led, but action may be taken depending on discussions with their Inspector. They were absolutely brilliant though, really professional and reassuring. They also got out the victim support officer who changed my door lock there and then, which was amazing.

I do feel guilty though. What if they do pursue him? That's not what I want. I'm going to be relying on him to contribute towards the dogs expenses and don't want to antagonise him into not paying.

Feeling very conflicted this evening. I still remember the man I loved, but I dont think hes there anymore. It didnt even look like him last week. I don't want the man I loved punished, but the man who told me who would kill me isnt the man I loved, surely?

What a day you’ve had. But this isn’t your doing, in any way, it’s his. The police are protecting you, but also other members of society who are at risk from his violent behaviour. You are already over the hardest steps, reclaiming your home and the police now have an additional obligation to protect you.

I know you mentioned him paying for the dogs, but is there any way you can now make a totally clean break?

OP I'm really pleased to hear that. I'm so pleased that the police have taken your fears seriously and had the locks changed. I hope they do charge him.

I don't know what the expenses regarding the dog are, if you mean the vet etc then there's a charity called PDSA who provide free and low cost help for pets. If you are having difficulty feeding them, perhaps give PDSA a call for advice.

Someone who loves you, doesn't threaten to kill you OP.

It’s a really difficult one, and one 15 months down the line I still ask myself. The man who held my hand through our babies c-section, one man who took our wedding vows did he really mean it when he said he’d hurt me if I didn’t do as I was told, did he intentionally humiliate me..... unfortunately yes the man you loved hated you in return. It’s an absolute betrayal and it hurts!

With the dogs - see I’d try and see if there is any assistance available for you. I’d honestly not depend on your ex for this. Firstly it’s a completely unexessary tie which he can use, and secondly he will probably just not pay when push comes to shove.

I can't seem to find out how to send pictures in private messages so hope you are OK with me spamming your thread for a while with pictures of the three I spoke to you about. All GDS rescues. Rafa (big guy) was in a kill station waiting to be killed, Teese (brindle) was found on the street as was Javi but the latter had a telephone cord around his neck and was riddled with leish (now in deep remission thankfully). The last one is all three up on the sofa - a rare event!

@fourquenelles oh my goodness, they are GROGEOUS! They are so lucky to have you.

Gah, gorgeous of course.

Aww thank you. They have been a godsend in recent times as I live alone. I hope you are doing OK today.

Hi everyone who posted on this thread. I thought I'd just give a little update and let everyone knowing what's happening with me.

I'm back at work now, went back a couple of weeks ago. I was dreading it, but to be honest its been the making of me. I have thrown myself into it wholeheartedly and I am absolutely loving it. My team have been amazing and so accommodating and welcoming since I've been back and explained why I was off.

I have (shock, horror!) been out on a couple of dates with a really nice chap who is a friend of a friend. Bit of a setup situation but we get on really well and I enjoy his company - nothing serious at all, judt nice and light.

My beautiful hounds have adapted really well. They're beautifully settled and peaceful now and no longer suffering from the separation anxiety they were in the beginning.

I still feel sad, but its the sadness and sense of something lost, not the raw agony I felt 2 months ago. I've also started divorce proceedings which has given me a sense of empowerment and control of the situation back.

I cannot thank each and every one of you who posted on this thread and got me through an incredibly hard time. I will be forever grateful for all of the advice and kind wishes I received from you. I'm not through it yet, not by a long way. But its bearable now. For the minute at least. And I hold onto that every day. Time really is the greatest healer.

Bonus pic of the pups included

I was thinking of you today and wondering how you were, so glad you gave an update. Sounds like you're doing really well.

Did you finish the painting? I'd love to see the coral.

So glad you're moving on and dating someone, that's great to hear.

Thank you! I still have my weepy moments (days!) But I'm getting there. The coral is still at the tester stage. Kitchen all done now and it looks amazing! Have shocking pink paint for the bathroom and am ordering new lino, it looks like grass and is textured. Vegas on sea!

My house feels like mine again. Its changing day by day and the bad memories are slowly fading. A wonderful friend is gifting me a zebra print chest of drawers and zebra print chair for my bedroom which is right up my alley 😊

I suddenly now have so many friends now I'm not being stifled and repressed by him. Its like a new life. I have a brilliant circle of friends I can call on no matter the time of day or night. I often don't have time to see them all in a week but we all speak online every day.

Noone I've spoken to about him is surprised by his behaviour. He was so badly thought of even before all of this, even more than I thought. Sadly, I knew this all along but covered for and minimised his behaviour. Submitted my divorce application last week. Because I've been being off work for so long I qualified for full fee remission. The one positive! Doing it all online myself. No joint property ot accounts so straightforward.

Hello Op
Have just read your whole thread having seen it pop up on active this evening. Wow! What an amazing transformation you have managed, and I don’t mean the redecorating! .

You have become a wonderfully strong and independent woman, the one you were always meant to be, and the need to cry still sometimes in no way distracts from that!

I hope you can celebrate how well you’re doing, and credit yourself for what you are achieving.

And yay! For he gorgeous pointy dogs! I do live a pointy dog and their beautifully silky ears! I have working breeds as like to do agility and search and rescue with mine, but I do love the calm and peace you can feel when being learnt on by a pointy boy who wants a fuss . My pointer x girl is very partial to them and turns into a right flirt!

Keep on keeping on as they say, and smooth those silky ears a time or two for me please x

I know you're sad but you're really making strides. I'm proud of you. The zebra sounds lovely. Glad the dogs are well too.

I thought it might be nice to post a little update here after over a year of going it alone 😊

I am happier than I've ever been. I have a wonderful new job which I happen to be fantastic at, my daughter is settled, my pups are all happy and healthy, my house is just the way I want it, and the cherry on the cake is that I've met an absolutely awesome new man.

My mental health has faltered at points, but luckily I now have people around me who understand and support me through it. My workplace also take mental health very seriously and have been amazing at supporting me through low points.

I'm not going to lie, its hard balancing everything and I never seem to stop, what with work, walking dogs/meeting friends/seeing boyfriend (whoooop!), keeping on top of the house etc. But I love it and wouldn't change any part of the past year for anything.

I am so fiercely proud of the independence I've gained and my self-confidence has come on leaps and bounds. I actually feel I am worth something now.

So, for anyone going through a shitty relationship/breakdown, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I never imagined I'd be in the position I'm in now a year ago. People who knew me when I was with him say I'm like a different person - for the better!

We are far, far stronger than we ever give ourselves credit for. X

There beautiful dogs they need you. OP you wont always feel this way i promise you won’t. I hav’t seen your other posts so I don’t know the full story. However you must let this feeling past. Look to the other things that bring you joy and embrace them.

Lovely update and of course not the only update of this type to be found on MN. It's well worth posting though to encourage those currently at a miserable point. I do wish MN were able to flag it as an update though as many inexperienced -lazy- posters will only read your OP

That's the best thing I've read on here in ages. You've really made me smile. Your story is a testament for those going through tough times.

OP that's amazing news. I'm so glad you are happy

What a wonderful update to read Op. you should be rightly proud of yourself and all you’ve achieved, hope you go from strength to strength and enjoy your wonderful new life

This has made my weekend.