Please, please, someone talk to me

[KeeOe]

I've posted about my marriage problems and subsequent separation here Today, I feel so, so low. I've been using my workplaces employee assistance line to speak to counsellors, who are good, but seem to have limited time for each call. I feel absolutely desperate. I have very little RL support. I feel worse not better. I cannot see a way through how I'm feeling at the minute. I have never felt so bad. I don't know where to turn.

[anotherdisaster]

I know you're being bombarded a bit with music, videos etc. But I do find listening to asmr on youtube very very relaxing. Its not for everyone but my favourite artist does some lovely affirmations videos. Here is a link if you fancy trying it:

www.youtube.com/results?search_query=frivvifox+affirmations

[backseatcookers]

How did you and the boys sleep OP?

[KeeOe]

I mostly dozed on and off. I'm just so, so exhausted I feel like I could sleep forever. Been lying on the sofa this morning, haven't had the inclination to do anything at all.

[HazelBite]

Op I really feel for you.
I had a very traumatic experience September last year. My DIL was with me at the time but she has had therapy but is still suffering too.
I thought I would be okay, I've been through a lot in life, and thought I would cope, but I am struggling massively, and lockdown hasn't helped.
However one of my sons has given me his dog to look after (he and his wife are key workers and incredibly busy) Having the dog has been so therapeutic for me I am completely distracted.
Treasure those lovely dogs I'm sure they will help you more than you realise.
(the dog I'm looking after is called Poppy, but is a black flat coated retriever)

[KeeOe]

Hi everyone. I spoke to my GP today, hes prescribed some sleeping tablets short term and they're going to increase my citalopram after I've had an EEG which they're going to do for me tomorrow. They're also going to sort out some therapy on an emergency basis.

I didnt get out to start C25K today, but when I was out with the dogs, I got chatting to a lovely woman who was out running. I explained that I was looking to start running and shes given me loads of tips and pointers, so that was great. Still feel abysmal, but, like everyone has said, I'm taking baby steps and taking it an hour at a time. I have a lovely friend coming for a chat tonight after I reached out to her, so that's another positive for today.

[backseatcookers]

Ah that's all so positive OP, well done

[Youngatheart00]

Brilliant OP, so pleased to hear

[1235kbm]

That's great news OP. Well done for putting yourself first and looking after yourself.

Onwards and upwards.

[ilikemethewayiam]

Fantastic!. It’s like learning to walk from scratch. Those tiny baby steps will turn into confident strides, then bounding runs. You will look back on this with pride OP. I’ve been where you are. A few years from now you will look back on your relationship with horror. I do. I can’t believe I put up with what I did from the powerful place I’m in now but I wasn’t the person I am now. That’s because of what he did to my confidence. You are not to blame. You are a beautiful human being deserving of love and respect. Chill with your gorgeous Doggies. They will love you unconditionally which is so good for your mental health. Treat yourself with loving kindness. It’s a basic human right!. Keep us posted how you are doing

[KeeOe]

Had a wonderful time with my friend. Talked about any and everything. She told me that she'd seen a change in me, around the time his behaviour deteriorated towards me. I had no idea, but she said it was actually palpable. Like a switch was flipped in me. I had no idea at the time, but looking back, I can pinpoint exactly when it was.

[backseatcookers]

So pleased you had such a lovely time with your friend! Think how far you've already come in just 24 hours mood wise - I know it's still rubbish but you've made some really good steps already. Are you making a comfy nest again tonight with your lovely boys?

[KeeOe]

I am. Hunkering down with them and feeling their comfort. They are so peaceful. They love me so much and expect nothing in return.

[Carolbaskinstiger]

They’re gorgeous! Sounds like you’ve got plenty of audio books and ideas. I am going to be popping on a podcast recommended here on mn called “nothing much happens” perfect little bedtime stories where - you guessed it - nothing much happens. Very soothing. X

[Home42]

Yoga with a dog is great fun. Mine waits until I’m concentrating hard and on the floor then he jumps on me! He seems to think he’s funny.

I’m divorced, it’s tough. One day at a time... it gets better x

[Youngatheart00]

Thank you for the recommendation for the podcast @Carolbaskinstiger that sounds ideal!

Wonderful that you had a valuable chat with a friend. Hour by hour, day by day. You are doing brilliantly.

[TheSecondMrsAshwell]

I've always wanted to do the C25k programme. Now seems like a good time to start.

Having to read and run, but look for the Dumped By Text threads - the OP, who changed her name to RunningInRain, is an absolute inspiration and you'll change your name to RunningWithGreyhounds in no time. You may even catch the hare.

Good luck OP

[KeeOe]

I'm off out for a lovely walk at my local fell with a friend this afternoon. Shes made a picnic

[Youngatheart00]

How wonderful! Enjoy the fresh air and hope the rain stays off. Very envious you have the fells so nearby, amazing open space.

[SunshineCake]

[quote KeeOe]@SunshineCake I'm going to. Downloaded ths app and have a quiet place in mind to do it.[/quote]
Brilliant! Let me know how you get on. Tomorrow I'll do week 7, run 2.

[KeeOe]

Have had to call my EAP this afternoon, just for a bit of a vent and a supportive ear and they've got me through again. It just sometimes seems so unmanageable, the raw feeling of hurt, frustration and anger that comes over me.

I've channelled the feelings I had after the call, and have dusted, tided and vacuumed my living room. Exhausted after my walk and the housework, but I feel a small sense of satisfaction. I've made my environment nicer - for ME. To make ME feel better.

[Youngatheart00]

Awesome to channel that very valid anger and hurt into something that benefits you! Hope you are able to enjoy your nice clean environment tonight!!

[Carolbaskinstiger]

The feelings are normal op - but they will pass in time. The actual best thing is that things will most certainly look so much better for you in even a few months time.
But in the meantime - you’ve had a good old tidy up - maybe next time you’re out treat yourself to something nice for your home - a nice candle or a fluffy pillow. Something that is just for you

[KeeOe]

Just started the 30 days of yoga with Adriene that someone recommended above. Bit difficult with 3 great lolloping hounds around but I managed. Wow, what a good feeling!

[backseatcookers]

Ah this thread is making me really happy - I feel proud of a total stranger!

[KeeOe]

What a lovely thing to say To be honest @backseatcookers I feel like I'm just going through the motions, but I'm hoping the motions become meaningful in time. I cannot feel as bad as this forever, surely.