Please, please, someone talk to me

[KeeOe]

I've posted about my marriage problems and subsequent separation here Today, I feel so, so low. I've been using my workplaces employee assistance line to speak to counsellors, who are good, but seem to have limited time for each call. I feel absolutely desperate. I have very little RL support. I feel worse not better. I cannot see a way through how I'm feeling at the minute. I have never felt so bad. I don't know where to turn.

[FlissMumsnet]

Hi KeeOo,

We're so sorry to hear you're feeling this way - it sounds like a tough time for you and we're pleased so many people are posting their support for you here.

We hope you don't mind, but when people are going through such a hard time we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We very much hope things will get easier little by little for you.

[KeeOe]

It is @1235kbm, Toby and Blue from the Greyhound Trust after they retired, Poor Poppy was from a local greyhound charity. She was rescued from a local flapping (unaffiliated) track and was to be PTS because she wasn't much of a racer. I feel incredibly blessed to have them. They're the only thing that's kept me going. They surprisingly dont need too much exercise - definitely built for speed, not stamina. I think every home should have at least one 😊

[NoMoreDickheads]

Glad you're contacting the crisis team. Please let us know how you get on. xxx

[SunshineCake]

I am doing the couch to 5K and highly recommend if. Yesterday I did week 7 run 1. It has really boosted my confidence that I can achieve something.

[KeeOe]

@dancemom I'm terrified about starting it though. He always put me off, saying I'd damage myself/it wouldn't be good with my chest problems etc. My level of fitness is appalling. I just need to do something to feel in control a bit.

[dancemom]

@KeeOe it starts off really slowly and you can repeat days or weeks of it until you're ready to move on.
There's a couple of C25K threads on the go but I really can't recommend it enough.
It's amazing for confidence and sense of achievement, let me know if you manage to make a start and I'll let you know how Thursday goes 🙈

[Summerhillsquare]

I've been there. When my ex gradually retreated, it took me ages to realise I was being dumped, in the most cowardly way. I couldn't process the pain for ages. But it does get better. Exercise definitely helps, so much. For me, getting angry, and having a good sort out of the house and gardening also helped.

[1235kbm]

Isn't Poppy lucky. I always thought they would need hours of walks but it seems not. They really are beautiful dogs. I'm so glad you found each other.

OP, what you can do tonight: dial 111 and have an assessment if you're feeling really bad. They'll advise on what to do. If you have a 24 hour crisis line, then call that. You can find what's available locally here.

If you feel ok tonight then, as you wisely said, you'll contact your GP first thing tomorrow and have a chat.

If you have any bath salts, then have a soak as they help relax you. Keep yourself occupied: clean out the kitchen cupboards, listen to a podcast while you're doing it. Watch something light like Bridget Jones' Diary, nothing too heavy. Stay away from booze and tell yourself that it will get better OP because it will. We've all been there and come through the other side, you're going to be ok.

[Kabakofte]

There is so much super support on here and they are all right, eventually the pain subsides but the process is painful, it's one hour at a time then 2 hours, then half a day then maybe even a full day. You will come through this with your dogs happily at your side. In the dark hours before dawn when it's quieter on here just write - the good, the bad and the ugly, it may go some way to stop it whirling around in your head. I know you say your friend are busy but I'm sure they would want to support you, don't be afraid to reach out. Do you have a garden space?

[CanWeComeIntoTheOutNow]

Just wanted to reach out to you. Within the last year I've been where you are now and oh my god - it is so hard and so painful. I remember wanting to be hurt physically so my outsides matched my insides. What helped me was to watch horrifically violent crime dramas. Go for drives and scream in my car. Call friends who I knew would support and understand. See a therapist. Cuddle my cat in bed so I didn't feel alone in there.

You will find things that help a bit, but mostly you just need to grit your teeth and survive it however you can and it will get better.

I can also highly highly recommend a good hypnotherapist. I found one who does sessions through video calls and it is almost like magic what she does for me.

There will be light at the end of this tunnel. I know it feels horrific and neverending but you will get through. Just focus on small bites of time. Keep busy. Breathe. You'll make it, you will.

[needhandhold]

We are all here for you OP. You can talk to us all night if you need to. Keep posting. Reach out to your loved ones. Even a phone call will help. People do care.

[KeeOe]

I feel somewhat calmer and less desperate now. Currently watching Criminal Minds, making a list of jobs and things to do over the coming days so I have some sort of aim, even if I dont get around to it all. I have a million and one jobs to do in the house; I'm off work at the moment so have no excuse not to do them. I'm going to get stuck into C25k. I need to do something, anything, for me. We're not all bad, for a viper's nest, are we? The support I've felt tonight has truly, truly stunned and heartened me in equal measure. to everyone on here. I really don't know what I'd have done without you. One hour at a time is all I'm looking at right now.

[Youngatheart00]

I love a true crime box set! Must check that one out, thanks for the recommendation.

C25K sounds like a fab idea. I’ve heard brilliant things about it

[KeeOe]

It's the gnawing, raw pain that keeps popping up, just when you think you've got a handle on how you feel. It's like I'm on a particularly horrible rollercoaster and all I want to do is get off but it won't stop.

[needhandhold]

Have you got access to YouTube? Get a fire stick and get that on your TV. There are lots of fitness videos. Search for Adriene yoga. She’s brilliant. Do some yoga every day and mindfulness. Search for online zoom classes (it will be sociable too). There’s lots you can do to not be lonely. Have you got Netflix? Sky TV?

[needhandhold]

If you’ve got time on your hands, how about volunteering? Good way to meet people.

[needhandhold]

Start an online zoom course. Learn Spanish? Again, really sociable. The world is now open to you

[weegiemum]

I don't know how you're feeling but I had to come on to say what beautiful dogs! I have one straggly labradoodle who is lovely but not hung like as Elagabalus as your lovely trio.

[Legallybleachblonde]

Oh OP I know exactly what this feels like, having been through it 3.5 years ago. I completely understand the not wanting to eat - definitely drink hot sweet drinks and soups like a pp advised. The physical pain (that grips you in your throat) is grief indeed but you can get through this, OP and you've had some brilliant advice already. Keep the radio on or a programme in the background that is familiar and comforting. Buy new bedding, new everyday drinking mugs, just make some teeny changes like that. And take it one day at a time. Thinking of you X

[Kittykat93]

Oh op. You have something to live for and you deserve to be happy. I've suffered with clinical depression and PTSD for years and I still have bad days, but I am so so glad I didn't act on any of my urges when I was at my lowest. I'm now sitting in a lovely bubble bath in my nice little house, my son asleep upstairs, and I feel safe and happy. I find joy in life when I never thought it possible.

What you're feeling now it will pass. I can promise you that.

[KeeOe]

I just want to feel safe again. I did, some of the time, with him. I'm terrified of the future.

[KeeOe]

@needhandhold I've thought about yoga - I'm going to have a look for some videos and bookmark them to start tomorrow. The thought of me rolling about on the floor doing yoga, surrounded by my dogs has really tickled me. The first time I've smiled in days.

[Youngatheart00]

Google goat yoga - hilarious!

Yoga is a great thing as you can start with the real basics and it doesn’t feel too hard or in any way competitive. You work to your own ability and the instructors (virtual or otherwise!) tend to be really encouraging. But because you’re focusing on the poses and breathing, it’s actually pretty impossible for your mind to be elsewhere!! I also feel I do take a ‘yoga glow’ with me for a good few hours after too.

[backseatcookers]

Didn't want to read and run, you poor thing.

Criminal minds is my go to as well when I need some escapism, there are just so bloody many of them and Reid is an absolute beauty.

Take it hour by hour, like you say, that's fine for now. It's all you have to do.

When you feel overwhelmed, grab your gorgeous boys (who I can tell are such gentle lovely souls) and give them massive cuddles. They won't mind if you have a cry. I miss my bunny so much, she was my best friend for ten years and got me through such sad times she even used to lick my tears when I had a good cry bless her.

Have them in the room with you for bedtime tonight, fuck it - normal rules don't apply, you get to indulge yourself and do whatever keeps you safe and gets you to that next hour.

If you can't sleep then you can always come on here, there's usually always someone up in some part of the world!

Thinking of you

[FridaKFangirl]

Couldn't read and run @KeeOe.

Glad to hear you're starting to feel calmer. You've had so much good advice.

Sending you hugs strength and from a fellow Criminal Minds obsessive fan!

When I grow up (I'm 38!) I want to be Penelope Garcia... and as @backseatcookers says Dr Spencer Reid is lush (and on my ' freebie list' )

You're doing amazingly - take it hour by hour, day by day.