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Original poster

New relationship - no sex!

162 replies

MayDayHelp · 13/06/2020 09:06

I’ve been seeing someone for 5 weeks. We slept together on the first date, having both been a bit sexually deprived through lockdown! And then I think we had sex another 3 times over the next couple of weeks.

I really like him, a lot. He’s gorgeous, and we get on really well. He seems thoughtful and sensitive.

It’s usually me that goes to see him (he lives just over an hour away) as he’s working really long hours and is always knackered, so it just makes sense that I am the one to do the driving. I’m ok with that.

However, for the last 3 weeks, we’ve seen each other about 10 times, and had sex one of those times. I don’t really know why we’ve gone from having sex every time we see each other to not at all.

I have resisted saying anything as I didn’t want him to feel like he had to do it, I wanted to feel wanted and I don’t. But last night, we went to bed and a couple of minutes later he was snoring away, and I felt really upset, got up drove home (he was asleep no had no idea).

I get he’s tired from work and I don’t expect us to have sex every time we see each other but surely at this point the sex should be great!

I figured either he’s not that into sex, or not that into me :( although we otherwise have a lovely time together and he seems to really look forward to seeing me.

Is this doomed?

OP posts:
LittleWing80 · 14/06/2020 18:10

@m0therofdragons
I don’t know why you are concerned about lockdown, OP isn’t.
Maybe selective reading, missed the memo 🤷🏼‍♀️

mcmooberry · 14/06/2020 19:13

Did he appear? Hope you're not feeling too flat if it's all petered out. x

Cantbelievethiss · 14/06/2020 20:02

Love a bit of selective replying on a thread.

Five weeks in and you’re round his house with his kids? Lovely.

CodenameVillanelle · 14/06/2020 20:08

If he has a low sex drive he should man up and tell you. He's just pretending that it's not totally weird to sleep in the same bed with a brand new girlfriend and not have sex. That's gaslighting and unkind and rude.

Original poster
MayDayHelp · 15/06/2020 00:27

Yeah he turned up, we had a nice evening and chatted about ‘the issues’. He said he genuinely hadn’t noticed that that side of things had not really been there for the last 3 weeks or so, and was surprised when I pointed out that we’d only had sex once in that time.

The last job he was doing was a nightmare, the final couple of weeks were super stressful, he was working even longer hours then usual. Then had to go straight on to the next one which is the first time he’s ever done a particular kind of build, and that’s also been super stressful. He assured me that his work usually isn’t this bad, it’s just been these last couple of jobs. He suffers quite badly with anxiety too, hasn’t been sleeping well because of that, so it’s a bit of a combination of things. He’s been working like a dog all day, coming back home with his back killing, taking more codeine and the rest of the evening is a bit of a blur. The codeine consumption isn’t helping, he has been saying for the last few weeks he needs to stop taking them, but he is addicted to them now so that’s not going to be easy. So I guess those are the circumstances.

We both agreed it was a little awkward now and that having sex tonight would feel a bit forced, but he’s acknowledged how I feel and said things will get better, now that he’s aware. So we’ll see. I’m not ready to give up on him yet as he’s such a genuinely lovely guy.

Re his kids being there...yes that’s not ideal but their mother is dead and he has no family nearby. Besides which they are older teenagers who have their own jobs/relationships/social lives so it’s not like they are small children who are going to be massively affected if I’m there or not. I make an effort to chat to them when I see them and they seem to like me.

OP posts:
CatAndHisKit · 15/06/2020 01:42

Oh god, codeine does induce sleep! He needs to see a doctor with his back if it's so bad that he got addicted t codeine. My friend just had an op for hernia in her spine as she;s been postoning it and taking tablets for pain - I hope he can stopo it get worse so won't have a hernia but he needs to see his GP. Bad back can also get worse due to sex.
I think he's ok, just hugely knackered and under codeine - he sounds kind and he listens.

Whataloadofshite · 15/06/2020 01:47

@m0therofdragons

Is no one else actually following lock down rules? I feel like I’m in a parallel universe.
Apparently sex pests are completely ignoring lockdown. That's what the OP sounds like anyway. They shouldn't have even been meeting up.
Whataloadofshite · 15/06/2020 01:50

(if this was a bloke complaining about lack of sex, he'd be called a sex pest etc).

But never mind about lockdown rules eh?

Original poster
MayDayHelp · 15/06/2020 01:50

He is so kind, and we have a lovely, easy connection. I really admire him for the way he manages his business, home and kids (he’s been widowed since they were very young). His anxiety hasn’t been good today, because he was worried he’d fucked things up with me and I guess was kind of dreading coming down to talk to me. But it was fine, there was no anger or blame or falling out, we just talked it through and cleared the air. I did point out that being in a sexless relationship wasn’t going to be sustainable for me long term, and he said “well it wouldn’t be for anybody”, so he knows! He feels embarrassed and upset that he upset me, it wasn’t intentional, he just had so much going on he didn’t realise that it had been that long.

I really hope things get better. I like him a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
MayDayHelp · 15/06/2020 01:51

Grin yes I’m definitely a sex pest Hmm.

OP posts:
Whataloadofshite · 15/06/2020 04:33

@MayDayHelp

Grin yes I’m definitely a sex pest Hmm.
You're certainly fucking irresponsible.
joystir59 · 15/06/2020 04:51

Me and DW couldn't get enough of each other for months and she worked 12 hour shifts at the time. It did slow down eventually because real life has to get done at some point, but not within the first three weeks. I think he is over you OP. Not all connections last a long time.

CodenameVillanelle · 15/06/2020 06:05

He didn't realise that you'd been coming over to his house and sleeping in his bed and you hadn't been having sex?
Really it's your funeral but I can't believe you're grimly sticking with a man you've been dating 5 weeks who has a prescription painkiller addiction and won't have sex with you. Raise the bar!

LesleysChestnutBob · 15/06/2020 06:22

If sex is important to you I'd find someone else.

excelledyourself · 15/06/2020 08:02

This?

Besides which they are older teenagers who have their own jobs/relationships/social lives so it’s not like they are small children who are going to be massively affected if I’m there or not.

Or this?

He also has two teenagers 100% of the time (he is a widower), and they are both pretty high maintenance.

Amibannedorwhat · 15/06/2020 10:34

@Whataloadofshite
You're certainly fucking irresponsible.
Agreed, absolutely spot on.

Original poster
MayDayHelp · 15/06/2020 13:00

@excelledyourself well both really. They are old enough to be quite independent but at the same time they often need lifts/his input on dramas etc. What I mean is they aren’t small children who are going to getting attached to me overly quickly.

OP posts:
FurbabyLife · 15/06/2020 13:26

If the tables were turned a guy would have been torn to pieces for this only 5 weeks in. Everyone here would be advising the women in question to LTB!

excelledyourself · 15/06/2020 14:23

I'm not taking about them getting attached to you. More the fact that you're in their space at lightening speed, which I think is quite irresponsible and selfish of their father at the best of times, and at the current time you also appear to breaking lockdown to do so, while they are out and about socialising and working with others, even though you seem to see that as a mitigating factor.

chocatoo · 15/06/2020 14:40

Cut him some slack. He sounds lovely.

ErickBroch · 15/06/2020 14:48

Ummm ok I think you should end it, for sure, as you aren't sexually compatible. However it is pretty shitty that some of these comments are shaming him for having a 'low sex drive' - so? Not everyone has to have a high sex drive and that isn't a bad thing. Whilst it doesn't work for you, I would prefer someone who wasn't trying to shag me twice a day Grin

Hope it works out for you OP!

Bluesheep8 · 15/06/2020 15:35

*Are you in the UK? Lockdown doesn't allow shagging with someone you don't live with, as we're legally required to stay 2m apart from people not in our household.

Maybe he realized what you were both doing is illegal and not safe for society as a whole.*

Have I missed the ops response to this?

ErickBroch · 15/06/2020 16:13

@Bluesheep8 the OP has intentionally ignored every comment about it lol

LittleWing80 · 15/06/2020 19:53

Have I missed the ops response to this?
@Bluesheep8 don’t beat yourself up. We all missed OP’s answers about breaking lockdown amongst all the me me me its all about me drama....

RachelFernsby1986 · 15/06/2020 20:11

whoopdy doo maybe accept it geez karen

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