New relationship - no sex!

[MayDayHelp]

I’ve been seeing someone for 5 weeks. We slept together on the first date, having both been a bit sexually deprived through lockdown! And then I think we had sex another 3 times over the next couple of weeks.

I really like him, a lot. He’s gorgeous, and we get on really well. He seems thoughtful and sensitive.

It’s usually me that goes to see him (he lives just over an hour away) as he’s working really long hours and is always knackered, so it just makes sense that I am the one to do the driving. I’m ok with that.

However, for the last 3 weeks, we’ve seen each other about 10 times, and had sex one of those times. I don’t really know why we’ve gone from having sex every time we see each other to not at all.

I have resisted saying anything as I didn’t want him to feel like he had to do it, I wanted to feel wanted and I don’t. But last night, we went to bed and a couple of minutes later he was snoring away, and I felt really upset, got up drove home (he was asleep no had no idea).

I get he’s tired from work and I don’t expect us to have sex every time we see each other but surely at this point the sex should be great!

I figured either he’s not that into sex, or not that into me :( although we otherwise have a lovely time together and he seems to really look forward to seeing me.

Is this doomed?

Is no one else actually following lock down rules? I feel like I’m in a parallel universe.

Can’t believe you can have a convo like that over text? Can’t you talk to him in person about it ?

I think you're dating an ex of mine or similar chap. He tries to have sex regularly till he feels that she's hooked, and then it's just once a month if she is lucky. When trying to discuss it's always the womens fault for not being sexy enough and seducing him. He doesn't put in the effort to seduce her.

Sometimes it's valuable to speak to his ex girlfriends .

What a lot of effort you're putting in for almost nothing in return. Give up now fgs

The start of a relationship really shouldn’t be this hard. If after 5 weeks you’re not being treated how you want to be then you really shouldn’t stick around much longer as things tend to be better right at the start when everything is new and exciting.

@m0therofdragons - me too!! Wtaf?

The questioning where someone lives to lambast them them about possibly breaking lockdown rules is getting very tiring now.

I could speak to him in person...if I wanted another 2.5 hours round trip, which I don’t really. Not at the moment.

I just messaged back saying I don’t really know what to suggest, and I couldn’t have put any more effort in than I have been.

@m0therofdragons
Agreed. I have a relation who posted about a new relationship on Fb the other day, lovely cosy picture, clearly social distancing doesn’t apply to them. Still as long as they can carry on as normal the sacrifice most of us are making will have been worth it 🙄

@MayDayHelp pick up the phone I meant ?

Cut your losses.

You've made all the effort, him none.
He knew how far away you lived from day one.

Why would he even pursue something with someone so far away knowing his work schedule and long hours?

Looking at his past, he's not interested in anything deep or long term.
Your atrraction for him is causing you to disrespect yourself to go serve yourself up like a delivery pizza to him.

He's got two teenagers and you've been at their house 10 times in the last three weeks, having met their dad only 5 weeks ago?

His poor kids. Has he no respect for them?

I think one golden rule is you shouldn’t be cooking for someone in the early days (I’ve learnt the hard way). Don’t do all the travelling get out of the habit
& lots of people are tired and work long hours.

I don’t know what to make of him after reading your response OP.

What gets me is the idiots happily posting on social media that they're breaking the rules.

Two friends have had birthday parties. If my four year old can manage a lockdown birthday without a gathering, then grown adults can. It's maddening!

@WhotheWhat I’m working full time in a hospital with dh working full time at home while trying to support 3 dc with learning.
We’ve hardly had sex because we’re fucking exhausted but so long as everyone else is having a lovely pandemic free life

I’m 57, my bf is 51, we’ve been seeing each other for 16 months and are still at it like bunnies, every night and every morning at least. Neither of us has ever been too tired for sex, though we’ve been too tired to eat, watch TV or walk the dog! So 5 weeks in and a substantial dry patch? No acknowledgement from him of the seriousness of the situation? I’m afraid this relationship is dead in the water OP, I’m sorry.

For those bemoaning people’s behaviour re lockdown: I was v strict until the Dominic Cummings debacle. I don’t accept one rule for the powerful and one for everyone else, so fuck it.

@Zovir working in a hospital I have a different view in this. I’ll do all I can to protect my family and loved ones.

I was v strict until the Dominic Cummings debacle. I don’t accept one rule for the powerful and one for everyone else, so fuck it.

Sure, but the fairness or otherwise won't protect you or anyone else from Covid.
That man has blood on his hands.

@m0therofdragons I totally understand and respect that. If I or any of my household/bubble were ever in a hospital or carehome setting, I would be taking your approach. The fact is none of us is in a vulnerable group, none has been in work or public transport. So I’m adapting the ‘one size fits all’ rules.

@ButteryPuffin he does indeed

So in 5 weeks, you’ve seen him around 14/15 times, once very 3 days on average and a 2 hour round trip for you. You must literally drive home then drive back the next day.

All sounds a bit full on to me. He’s probably lost interest, no mystery and no chase there.

The questioning where someone lives to lambast them them about possibly breaking lockdown rules is getting very tiring now.

I do know what you mean, and of course and lockdown is tiring and boring and stressful. I get that. But I genuinely dont understand how this flipped from clapping for the NHS to it being okay to unilateral stop doing it. And then to normalise it. I will keep calling it.

OP, the circumstance is that he's asexual and attempting to trick a woman into becoming an unpaid domestic by pretending to want what most women want - normal sex.

He isn't into sex, and his character is questionable too, given the trickery.

His teenagers are out and about. You are gallivanting to his for sex. Ffs lockdown anyone?