Should I tell ex I've given birth.

[saynomore]

I'm currently separated from husband and have been throughout my whole pregnancy.
He hasn't made the effort to ask about the baby and attended any antenatal appointments.

My baby has been monitored every week due to some complications.
I have made the effort to inform him about the possibility of an early induction if things did not improve.
He hasn't checked up on me or the baby at all since then (few weeks).

I have my induction booked and I feel that it is his responsibility to stay in touch and check up on his baby.
I have decided not to contact him.

Am I being unreasonable?

No

Your job is to look after the baby and yourself, not to chase after him. If he's concerned in any way, he'll make the effort to find out. He sounds like a knob, can't see that he'll add anything positive. You're probably better off without him. Any decent man would be looking out for you.
Sorry you're having to go through this, and good luck with the baby.

He will be the type to assume you will let him as it's your job to. He will probably tell friends and family you concealed such significant information from him. Despite the fact he secretly doesn't want to know when his maintenance payments commence.

Op, if he hasn't asked about the baby's wellbeing despite you informing him then no, I wouldn't! And don't feel guilty about it either.

No, I think its up to him now to get in touch. All the best for you and baby x

Good Luck with your induction btw!

Thanks everyone.

Baytreelane, that is exactly what's going to happen!! And I would hate to look like the bad one.

I suppose you could be the better person and rise above him by sending a text but I suppose it would depend on how you would react after the birth if he doesn't reply. So probably best not to tell him he doesn't deserve it.

No. He knows your pregnant and the time frame you are due. Its up to him to step up and make contact. He knows how a phone works. Good luck on the birth op.

It's got Nothing to do about being a better person.
No no no and the reason is because at this time you do not need added stress and drama.

This is you ana your lo moment and you want it full of joy and happiness and he will change that.

I'm all for df being part of their dc life's but he hasn't made effort and telling him would be about him not the lo.

I was in the same situation back in 2016
My sons dad was aware of when his due date was and made no effort to contact me
When my son was a month old I told him he had been born
He didn't bother coming to see him for another month
Then was angry because he wasn't on the birth certificate (still isn't)
I literally don't understand the mentality at all

Raysnbergaris

He only asked for the due date because he wanted to fill out his paternity form for work.
He knows that I was being induced and it depended on the babies health but still hasn't managed to check up on his baby.

I know that he will send me passive aggressive-text messages when he finds out, he always wants it to be about him.

I'm glad I don't feel guilty anymore.

No, I agree that it’s up to him now.
You won’t look like a bad person at all.

Nemos

That's absolutely horrible. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
It's the fact that they feel entitled.

I'm obviously in the minority but I think you should tell him. It's not your business how he acts or how he feels. It impacts you of course, but his behaviour is his responsibility.

It's his baby. So tell him you're being induced. Tell him when the baby is here and safe and well (and you're feeling up to delivering the news). You don't need to get into any further conversation than that.

You don't need to get into a protracted conversation about it. Be pragmatic. Say the facts and that's it. It's hard when you've had a baby. You don't want to be drawn in to any nonsense about not letting the "poor" man know his baby had been born.

It will take a lot of your time and energy when you're reflecting on things that he's not done. Why bother? You can't change it. You're not responsible for what he does.

I hope your induction goes well and your baby is born safe and well very soon OP

I went through the same OP.
I had to just get on with it for the sake of the baby and my sanity.
That baby is more important than anyone! And who cares if he is bad mouthing you? Just ignore and carry on. Hate entitled people and hypocrites!

Nope. I didn't tell my ex... And I don't regret it 13+ years later.

I didn't tell my ex husband either. Not when I was induced, and not around the time of birth.

I can't remember when I told him, but at some point - I must have. It was a non event really as he really didn't give a fuck.

Looking back, I wish I had sent hima generic birth announcement like you would send any tom dick or harry.

Thismustbemydream is happy to announce the birth of my son littlethismustbemydream. 12/6/2020. 6lb. Mother and baby are doing well.

The end. Treat the like they treated their child - an afterthought.

Cheekyfucker is going to claim paternity leave?

As he's your husband not a non-married ex-partner then you have to tell him.

You don't have to rush to tell him so tell him after the birth. Unlike non-married couples there are different laws regarding him being on the birth certificate.

The reason to tell him is for the child's long term benefit not yours. As a PP indicated send a birth announcement in writing e.g. email. If he then tries to lie years down the line e.g. when your child is a teen you have proof to your child that he was never interested. People can come to terms with their father not being interested, but not their mother not telling their father of their existence.

Also apply to the CMS as soon as you have told him.

The generic notice suggested by @ThisMustBeMyDream sounds perfect. Good luck.

Of course you should tell him!

No don't chase the arsehole - you're not his secretary.
If he can't make the effort over something so important, that's his sorry-arse fault.
Your ex is a prick and probably the less you have to do with him the better.
Congratulations on having your little one

You have informed him of a possible early induction, i would inform him once baby is here but as a general birth anouncement that you would send multiple people, and then leave the ball in his court.

Set the tone for how you want to move forward with this.

Tell him and forever be the one doing the right thing, reminding him of birthdays and significant events or don't tell him, go it alone and be free from his guilt inducing, wasn't my fault gov, mentality.

Good luck

I'd tell him but about 2-4 weeks after the birth. Enjoy those first few days with your baby without having to stress about how the ex will respond.