Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Apologies, I'm happy too look over too if you'd like.

I got a man saying that it didn't expect much, as on feedback from my ex I actually articulated what I want. I don't think eating intelligent, educated and emotionally articulate should be unreasonable expectations.

Oh and tall. Handsome. Good in bed.....

Damn, auto correct.
Eating? Wanting!

@EchoElephant I think I already looked at it when I first started on the thread and you have name changed ?

Hehe, I agree that you should be able to eat those kind of men, @Oopsiedaisyy :-)

@unambiguousbeard Is it common to limit yourself to a certain class or to avoid someone who isn’t as educated? Not being a proper Brit I never really know what is usual and what is a bit more unusual.

I have virtually nothing in common with MrNN

He is from a very wealthy family, we shared a flat then a house with another family growing up.
He is privately educated and went to a very posh boarding school, I’m state educated.
He likes football, and hates rugby, I’m the reverse and he is a rugby widow.
The only joint things we actually like are reading and gaming.
Both from completely different cultures and have to communicate with each other in our second languages.
The only other thing in common is working in the same industry.
He eats meat/dairy, I’m a strict ovo vegetarian.
He is white, I’m brown 😂
He irons socks, I’m not a nutter

HairyArsedMan yes I think you did.
As you can see I'm still struggling

Oopsiedaisyy have messaged you, thanks

@SimonJT no I sound awful don't I. I'm not at all posh/middle class. I drank in Wetherspoons til Tim w proved himself to be a brexiter who treats his staff like shit. I'm from Essex fgs. It's not about class it's about intelligence and attitude I think. I don't know. Without outing myself or him or people I've dated I can't be more explicit! A friend of mine thought I was being snobby til I mentioned a couple of things and she got it.

Might be late 50s generational thing, beer and football. I don't know. We'll see.

I can't stand bullshit maybe that's what I mean! Can't stand aspirational middle classes or chippy working classes.

We're both hugely over invested. Ffs. I should know better.

Not about education either. My exH went to oxbridge and is as thick as. Maybe intelligence? But not in an academic way.

In some ways education is a proxy for similar values or life experience.

I don't read the daily mail, I'm Liberal and I put that on my profile.

Echo, I have replied, interestingly we are fishing in the same pond🤣

Ok honest advice... this is the first day in a week I've not heard from Mr Music at all. Do I continue to not message, or drop something breezy?

Context?

@cravingthelook is there a reason you are hesitant to call?

@cravingthelook, when was the last time you heard from him ? Did you feel that everything was normal in the conversation? I think if you are at a point where you are freely messaging back and forth then there's no reason IMO why you should be waiting for him to make contact. If it always feels like you are initiating things then that might be a different matter.

@cravingthelook sorry if i’ve got the wrong iron but wasn’t he a bit distant yesterday? When did you last hear from him?

Mr R sometimes vanished for a day in the early days but there was usually a good reason - in some cases a mental health issue. I probably went against all advice and would send a breezy text. It’s not a problem now.

craving Is this the first day ever he's not texted?

Did you say you a while back that you tend to overthink a bit (sorry if I'm getting you mixed up)?

I'd say, leave it. It's just one day... I think chasing this up sets a precedent of you chasing things up. In my experience men and women "hide" and "seek" respectively when something comes up. Allow him space.

Get busy, watch a film, have a bath, do a crossword, clean out your cutlery drawer... anything that distracts you. And just relax. Hope it works out x

(Even if your "prickling" senses are spot on, chasing for a response will make him feel obliged to reply or he might simply not reply. None of those options are good).

I'm back, thanks @Ihavenicelegs @StealthNinjaMum @Onesmallstep67 and @CheesecakeAddict

Yes I was overthinking, I last spoke yesterday lunchtime and he was having a really shitty day after he'd not come over after the minor accident and not really communicated this properly on Sunday night. I nipped the not telling me what's going on in the bud and he apologised but wasn't himself. It wasn't like him not to message last night and this morning, so I told myself he just needed to sort shit out but started to worry as the day wore on.

I went for my first bike ride in 25 years this evening 😂 I survived but I'm knackered. Was a good distraction.

He was online when I came back and said hello, he's opened up a bit why things are really shit, a whole load of stuff, I made him laugh a little and said one thing at a time. I said I'll help if I can even if that's just a distraction and he said he has no car ... I reminded him I do and he said to come over tomorrow. He was happy when I said yes.

I need to stop being so paranoid, it's just because I've had a few ghosters and slow faders recently. I'm glad I made myself give him the space and let him come back to me. He clearly likes me. I need to just enjoy it and stop being so paranoid.

[quote shitwithsugaron]@dancemom I think I remember that situation too, IIRC it was just as I joined the threads, July 2018 I reckon. V awkward to read, it was pretty smug too.[/quote]
Shocking.

Great update craving 🥳 you’re just getting to know each other and it’s all a learning curve in the early days.

Good job on the bike ride too. I was wfh today but I’m planning a nice ride tomorrow- could do with the fresh air to clear my head.

@cravingthelook wonderful Update!

OK sound the date alarm, I have one set up for Thursday. Here comes my "freak the fuck out" stage where I sabotage it. It's just a walk in a park. A nice looking guy, seems quite funny but he talks about himself a lot and I don't know if that's just the initial awkwardness, but we'll see. We will call him Mr American.

@Kin2 I remember those smug rule breaking bastards!

OK how do I keep myself safe in a lockdown date in the park on an evening (I can't do during the day because of childcare)? This is ridiculous, what if I get murdered panic freakout

If you don’t feel safe with that, can you suggest an alternative?

@CheesecakeAddict woooohooo a date.

Let someone know where you are and text check in with them half way through (my best friend and I always do this)

I too have an evening walk date Thursday with Mr Food.
I'm not going to think about that until Thursday. I'll focus on Mr Music tomorrow. I'm looking forward to just being able to talk in person and kiss!

@BendyLikeBeckham woohoo I remember you, are you guys still together?! The first thread couple!