Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

😂 janeausten that was more off-putting than the sex chat! I nearly dropped my phone...

So I got all brave and signed up to “Dating for teachers”. I stayed exactly six minutes before frantically searching for the ‘delete profile’ button

@cravingthelook, I asked him where we stood the other day and he said he considers us to be seeing each other and that he's not staying in touch every day just because he has nothing better to do. He is out working every day and seems to enjoy his evenings at home watching TV. This was the case before lockdown too. We used to see each other once or twice a week. Which I know isn't bad as some on the thread juggle free weekends every other week with childcare etc. I think tonight I am just feeling very much in need of some physical contact. In my head it seems a reasonable suggestion that we meet and he becomes part of our ' household ' although obviously not living here.

@JeSuisPrest thanks for your words of wisdom, you are absolutely right and I think I am going to bin Mr Eyes off.
He does have nice qualities, and I'd like to think we would have met had it not been for lockdown, otherwise I would never have chatted this long. Annoyingly, He's still on fab and so am I and we are both regular forum posters, so I can't just block him, I'm going to have to tell him.

Had a lovely chat with Mr W tonight, I'm just frustrated, I want to meet! Gah.

Lockdown has made things so different, I usually like to chat for a week or two at most before meeting before investing any more time.
I'm worried Mr W will go the same way as Mr eyes if we don't meet soon.

@Onesmallstep67 yes and yes to physical contact.

I am doing the 50% custody thing. 5 days each then 2 days each schedule. Therefore I like to plan my child free days.
I haven't figured out how the hell I'd manage if I ever got my perfect set up - I'm pretty sure polyamory or ethical non monogamy is for me and even before I said I was open to that on my profile - I somehow started meeting more people open to it. I've talked about it a lot and right now feel it's probably where I want to be.

@HairyArsedMan you're experience of Coffee meets Bagel was the same as mine! Unnecessarily complicated, I gave up.

I know I shouldn't be here as I'm all coupled up, but wanted to agree that profiles where there was bragging (don't like show offs) or so many hobbies it was hard to see when there would have been time to meet put me right off. I am not sporty. At all. No hand eye coordination. I work out very regularly and am in good shape, but got the odd rude comment that I was lazy. And probably fat. Nice.

As I met Mr BC on Fab we had none of this hobby nonsense, and he could see I'm not fat 😂 He now knows my hobbies and did once say that (just knowing what they are) I sounded a bit like a very prim spinster lady with some very genteel pastimes 😂😂 When I'm obviously not that at all (hence being on Fab).

Long story short, I don't think you can judge based purely on hobbies, but someone who has some things they enjoy doing makes for a more well-rounded person.

*your

I've had to say no thanks to Mr Hair after discovering his level of kink is way, way above mine.
Fortunately, I found out now before we went any further. Benefits of dating in lockdown

But now I'm back to no irons again and not even a little bit of interest from anyone on any apps. Even Fab has gone quiet for me.

@MsJaneAusten you can absolutely judge on grammar and spelling. And U. I overlook the odd your/you're but if it's consistently bad they're gone and I unmatch at the first LOL. And if there's a spelling mistake in their bio, nope. I am terrible for typos in messaging but they're clearly typos. My background is in journalism/sub editing/communication area. You can tell a lot by how someone writes.

@30somethingandstillsingle I think after chatting for 3 months he does deserve an explanation even if you make one up. Why can't you meet the other iron for a walk? First FAB meet is a social anyway isn't it?

@CheesecakeAddict I so clearly remember early on in lockdown Mr Vegan dropped the L bomb and you were very very unsure. You didn't know if you wanted to be with him you were a bit overwhelmed. I wish I could find the post! He carried on with the amazing dropping dinner on your doorstep etc and you got into it. I think he swept you away over lockdown. I think actually he was a love bomber. He was talking to you about designing your house. And also the dinner on the doorstep stuff was incredible. But kind of not sustainable. Or normal!

I have a couple of dates set on the horizon. One I will call mr Proboscis for obvious reasons. It's huge. He's funny but looking for a life partner and yeah I don't look that far ahead. He needs to get his haircut somehow then we're meeting next week. Mr VeryKent I already mentioned. And Mr serious who said I look like Charlie dimmock. Swiftly revised when I told him to look at her now. Actually I'll call him mr dimmock.

I'm chatting to a handful of others and have turned the swiping off. I'm only going to allow myself to swipe on a Sunday as I get addictive and end up with 100s of matches and don't get anywhere.

@hairyarsedman I'm curious now too!

@unambiguousbeard I suggested a walk to Mr W, and he agreed it would be great, but it hasn't been mentioned since. I don't want to bring it up again, I think he knows I would like to do the ball is in his court now.
I know he has a busy week this week so I shall wait to see if he suggests anything next week

So*

Does anyone want to look at my POF profile and see where I might be going wrong?
I'm getting no messages, no replies and only 1 or 2 people looking each day. Most of them are the wrong end of the country.

I will have a look if you need someone, @EchoElephant. But I totally understand if you want someone who has been on this thread longer/ a male point of view.

@EchoElephant I don't mind having a look. I only dip in and out here met my partner OLD so I understand if that's not what you are looking for. It's tough to get the profile right and it makes a big difference sometimes I know if you tweak it. I had mine same for ages then changed it and thankfully it worked.

@unambiguousbeard that is all very true.

I'm talking to a few people at the moment. I'm finding hinge at the moment very fruitful, so I will see how they continue. I'm trying not to dismiss people without exceptionally good reasons because I think part of it is the panic setting in. Someone I am talking to I am not sure has read all my profile (as information scrolls horizontally and pictures scroll vertically), so I'm not sure they have noticed that I have a kid, just from some of the questions they are asking. I need to bring it up, let's see if he sticks around after that :D

Oh so I've already met Mr Proboscis. He served me in a well known local dive pub about 2 years ago and we had the most hilarious, sparky, double entendre convo over me ordering. He remembered me. 😳And actually I clearly remember him and the chat and being a bit giddy but also (snobbilly) "oh he works behind a bar at the .... " But it turns out he doesn't he's mates with the owner and helps out sometimes. I can't remember that much about him apart from the sparks flying humour wise. Which is a good start. Oh and saying to my friends something about being chatted up by my grandad. He's 2 years older than me. I don't know who I think I am sometimes. He seems to Think it's fate, I'm wary. Class differences, lives in an area I really dislike. We'll see. But actually feeling positive about a date and a man for the first time since I met Mr U. And that in itself is bloody amazing.

@unambigousbeard - that sounds pretty promising. Thanks to my perimenopause brain I can't remember who served me in the Co-op this morning. It's nice to feel positive about a date.

I have a call planned tonight with Mr Mountain Bike - we are doing another hike on Sunday and need to plan the route. I like a man who knows what he's doing with a map and compass (because I'm rubbish).

Yeah it's odd that he remembered. And me. And also we live in London so what are the chances... plus it was a good 2 years ago. We must have made an impression on each other I guess.

It's not that impressive @unambiguousbeard, @TwinkleInYourEye. I tend to view the things you can do and enjoy as not counting as achievements, they are just an extension of you. So I'd never describe myself as an overachiever or give myself much credit at all. I just did 'some stuff' and hope I can continue doing 'some stuff'.

That sounds like a decent first (ok, second) meet @unambiguousbeard. I like how you tone things down and don't try to get ahead of yourself. But c'mon it's life nearly after lockdown, let yourself go

I am going to have go back to something way back - @StealthNinjaMum describing herself as 'quite lazy' - well without outing her, that's really so untrue. I think we might be tuned to see the highly visible external achievements that other people manage but not always see what they sacrifice in the process. At the same time failing to view the things we achieve that require sacrifice as the real achievements they are: consistency, maintaining a career, building a home, raising a happy family, supporting friends, being part of a community. You know, all the non-vainglorious stuff.

Anyway as I said on my PoF profile, it's not necessarily about shared interests or prowess, but values, rapport, trust, respect and being on the same wavelength. I think you see that more in the way people treat the people around them than whatever they do or achieve in their 'me' time.

Well he's not my normal type @HairyArsedMan (no beard😁 ) and there are large differences in education and class. Not insurmountable hopefully. Depends on what he's like in person. That's why I'm wary...

Haha choc that sounds like a euphemism...

unambiguous I'm getting good vibes from your updates

and hairy yes to values over pursuits as a compatibility-o-meter

No updates from me :( but my profile is currently hidden as I've lost my mojo a bit and would probably swip left on Joe wicks the way I'm feeling right now

Thanks @HairyArsedMan maybe unmotivated is a better word then for me. I had three hobbies before lockdown and had signed up to a couple of adult education courses but rather than do any of these activities on my own I spend hours slobbing around on tiktok or YouTube. I’ve put on a clothes size and feel quite depressed about that.

I agree values is preferable - I think I put that on my profile and found someone who has very little in common hobby wise but we have a lot of values in common.

@unambiguousbeard

I have very little in common with Mr R - completely different backgrounds, education, social class but none of that matters. There must’ve been a connection for you to both remember each other so I hope it works out.

Sorry Echo, are you a guy or woman?

@TwinkleInYourEye and @Chocolate123 have pm'd you my profile link, thanks

Oopsiedaisyy definitely woman