Dating Thread 190 - Living La Vida Lockdown but not out...

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Interesting (and timely) to hear what we think about intimidating profiles. I think I’d like an over achiever 😂 as I’m quite confident myself. I avoid the ones looking for a travel buddy or someone to go on adventures with as I have neither the time nor the money to jet off several times a year. I don’t like “smug” either.

ant330 very kindly looked at my profile and gave me really good feedback too. He told me some things I’ve put in there could be intimidating as well.

My intention was to be honest and to communicate high standards, but I can see why those things could also be off putting to someone who is genuine but not maybe super confident.

@CheesecakeAddict no this is the first blip from Mr Music, he has messaged everyday, multiple times (yesterday was the least) and he has been messaging today.
I hope he's just having a wee wobble but we'll see.

Currently arranging to meet Mr Food on Thursday evening.

Oh and I get it @CheesecakeAddict I've got 93 matches but most don't talk. I'm going to clear out I think. Mr Food and I have just switched to WhatsApp

@cravingthelook ah sorry, I must have got mixed up.

I'm having to make a new dating profile in a few weeks/month , any recommendations on which to use when it comes?

My friend saw my ex on Tinder, a week after we split, and he dumped me via text, then it turns out from his uncle that he does the same thing to women each time! He love bombs them and then disappears

So now I'm really wary and also feeling sorry for the women who will swipe right on him! I just miss having someone to talk too, is that bad to join One just to chat?

I think it’s good to get the balance between someone who has some drive and ambition and who has zero

Mr M was a keen runner with all kinds of things said about this to be impressive but in reality he drank 5l of Fanta a day never ate any vegetables and would sleep for 27 hours at a time. So I tend to take most things with a pinch of salt until I have got to know them!

I would have said I am lazy. Because I don’t do sport. But Mr Return is always pointing out how much I do get done and I don’t realise. Perhaps we don’t always have the best view of our own achievements and it’s actually ok and good and normal to want to show off the ones you do have!

I love your posts @Menora they are so sensible and helpful. You've helped me a lot just by reading your posts

That’s really true menora and others tend to see and appreciate things in us that we just take for granted or don’t really think about.

So a perfectly nice, genuine, modest man or woman might pass by a strong profile as being hard work/high maintenance or more than a match.

And so true about false claims. One guy I was talking to described himself as a foodie, loved cooking etc and yet every night we spoke he’d ordered take away 🤔 I’m not against take aways but if they can’t be straight about such a basic thing what else is have they glossed over.

That’s it. Someone who says they are doing a triathlon but then spend every night in the pub is probably over doing it for OLD sake. Or hippy girl who makes Insta look like she actually spent 6 months as a Sherpa - she didn’t she went for 2 weeks 😂

But there are so many of us who do achieve things, big or small and we shouldn’t let this stop us from expressing it if it is part of who we are and what we are proud of, don’t be intimidated if someone does look like they are proud and achieving as all you are doing is putting yourself down - you will have done things in other ways maybe I don’t have a medal or award for decorating most of my house by myself but I did it and I’m proud of it. Or the fact I have cooked dinner every night for 18 bloody years you know what makes me a ‘foodie’, I can’t get away from the oven 😂

And really wouldn’t you want to be with someone who was driven and had good hobbies and goals? I would!

So I had a wee exchange with Ms Jam tonight. I've been not messaging because I told myself if she wants to talk she will. She's not been messaging because she's in a bad place and doesn't want to put it on me or take away from our nice times together.
But I liked an Instagram picture and she liked one back so I sent her a gif.
We said we missed each other, we said we are sad, she said we've got a bond and will always be friends, we'll just check in for now and meet when we are feeling better. We sent each other hug memes.
I had tears, she told me not to cry and I said that's like telling the sun not to shine and she laughed and said I know. Goodness I do miss her, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Maybe the time away is good as it will help me separate my relationship with her in my head with Mr Swan. I know no good will come of messaging him so I won't, it's been 3 weeks since we talked.

Im still lurking. Not signed up for any apps yet but loving your updates and trying to get tips about what to (or not to!) put in my profile if I ever feel a bit braver.

I got a one line reply from Mr Trainers after I messaged him at the weekend and am self aware enough to take that as a ‘not interested’. I just don’t know if I’m ready to do actual dating yet.

Is it bordering on too picky if I unmatch from someone because they use 'u' instead of 'you'?

God no! I’d be unmatching from anyone who can’t use proper grammar and punctuation too

@cheesecakeaddict oh no. I use u instead of you. only when I text or I'm having informal chats. 🙈

I’m not sure @CheesecakeAddict it worked for Prince 🤷‍♂️

Thanks for all the views on extreme profiles. It’s funny that thing about achievements because when the thread was discussing all the things they are proud about, I struggled to come up with a single thing to post here.

Those are impressive match numbers. Just more younger folks using the swipe apps ? I think I swipe right maybe on 1 in 100, if that. I know I went through Match’s 100 profiles and didn’t find a single tick amongst them yesterday.

Another question for the users of sites where you can browse profiles and search and message/be messaged freely. How much browsing do you versus picking amongst those that have messaged you ? I send out a message if a profile seems interesting, but that doesn’t happen often.

I think U is fine?

MrMilitary has a science integrated masters, military officer training, additional bachelors in his technical specialism, and is starting an MBA this year so he can get a good City job when he leaves the army. I’m older but he’s definitely doing better than me professionally

But he didn’t grow up in a wordy middle-class environment so some of his grammar/literary/cultural knowledge is a bit suspect

(Imagine messaging a silly fifteen year old girl )

I mean I don’t think we’ll be compatible for other reasons but not for spelling?

Sure you can filter out anyone you like for whatever reason, but I don’t think grammar is a dealbreaker?

Of course you want and should aspire to someone who is “intelligent and at the same level as you” and I’d definitely try to suss this out

but I think before meeting someone I really wouldn’t judge on text content? Chat and online banter is cheap.

As long as they’re reliable and polite and it’s not a stream of dick photos I would focus on spotting other red flags and the first meet more

I now feel like an awful snob, but I’m an English teacher. I can forgive the odd bit of text speak or a missed apostrophe but really couldn’t cope with terrible grammar

JaneAusten long time ago but I loved my English A level!! Watching Birdsong tonight, we did all the First World War literature.

I'm still lurking too and also not brave enough (or enthusiastic enough) to yet OLD. I love this thread though, it's cheery. I think 'U' is what the young 'uns use. If a man my age used it, I'd be put off. There again, my ex is very intelligent but was prone to a bit of text speak. I'd not delete purely on a 'U'. Maybe if he started lol ing a lot too....

I am nosy but I want to know just how over-achieving you are now, HairyArse :-) I like a profile where a fair few hobbies are listed (if the guy comes across as genuine rather than just listing anything that sounds good). But I do get put off by loads of skiing / snowboarding pics. I just know I'm not that posh so wouldn't be able to hack it.

You see, I'm not perfect so I never thought it would bother me. I think I'm so in deep trying to find this mystical unicorn, that I'm doing my thing again where I make up excuses why someone isn't good enough. 🙈

I've just had a huge conversation with Mr Vegan too, which hasn't helped as I realise I've put him on some pedestal as the perfect guy, which I'm sure he's not, so why does my brain say he is? He says he misses me, but obviously that means nothing because he is still moving 6 hours down south and I still have a job and a young family up here 😔.

You need to stop speaking to him Cheese it’s doing you no good!!

Oh janeaustin I matched with a guy who was really good looking, quirky profile... and then his messages were one continuous sentence and included pritty, bear (instead of beer) and plenty of “lols.”

And a rather dubious account of what he wanted to do me 🙄

I am having a bit of a wobble about Mr Van. I feel like his lack of flirty chat is making me feel a bit insecure. He's very funny, he's got a nice attitude towards things and he's making an effort with being in touch etc. It's probably my issue and not his as I prefer guys to be fairly full on. I think maybe I am just becoming a bit frazzled by lockdown. I don't work and my DDs are here but do their own thing so I feel a bit at saturation point with being in the house and reinventing the wheel every day to pass the time. I need a change of scenery.
I also feel I need to see Mr Van and work out whether he's what I actually want going forward. He seems happy to chat and make plans but quite reticent about breaking lockdown to meet. I am not sure if I want to see him and stay 6 feet away. And if he didn't want us to have a kiss and a cuddle after all this time I think that would upset me more. Tempted to see Mr Photography and get some of my physical needs taken care of !

I just did an actual shudder at that description nicelegs Still, it’s interesting for me to realise just how important grammar is for me!

Forgive me, Cheesecake, but your username suggests you might not be that compatible with Mr Vegan

@Onesmallstep67 I know it's a fine balance between flirty chat and it tipping over though. I'm not sure I could stay interested without the flirting.